Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

You'll realy have to serve people at the table. Carve at the table - it's traditional & easy enough - you just ask each guest what they want.

Try to manage it so that you serve your DB + partner towards the end. And have lots of green vegetables (cheap & filling) like broccoli and sprouts.

Is your DB very obese?

This with bells on!
If you arent close with him and feel uncomfortable saying anything, then get your mother to do the dirty work. He is her son afterall.
I would be repulsed though to even look at him plating and eating to be honest.
Have you ever been invited to his house? How much food does he serve his guests there and how much does he eat?
I bet only a fraction of what he hovers up at other people's expense!

*sorry edited for typos

Tell them to arrive an hour after others have eaten. Serve them their food in those baco foil roasting tins. Or just go farm foods and stock up on cheap food for them

I would honestly to god tell him. I have made enough food for everyone, you are not going to put it all on your plate. It is selfish to do this so dont do it or you wont be invited ever again.

It seems like nobody has done this before, he needs it pointing out it is fucking rude!!

This doesnt sound like plain greedy selfishness.

Sounds like some form of ND or perhaps an eating disorder. If he is awkward and doesnt really get social cues then that really does point towards ND. That there is no off switch makes me think that there is a massive issue here, was he like this as a child? Or was food on the scarce side?

I think that plating up is the only way to do this because it will make sure everyone gets their fair share, and he wont draw attention to himself. I would make sure he and his partner have lots and lots of veg, more than the others.

Plate up the key stuff (ie meat, Yorkshires). Then just make sure there is a shit load of the cheaper stuff, especially loads of veg. Surround them both with big bags of crisps and nuts and satsumas or whatever. But don't let them help themselves to key stuff like the meat. Or the pudding, depending on what it is.

Sounds like they both have a complete lack of social awareness.

I don't think calling any human regardless of their appetite a "pig" is helpful in any way

Hide the cheeseboard though until you are ready for everyone to enjoy it.😟

Plate everyone's up,or maybe before the day have a whatsapp group asking before hand what everyone likes, plate up for everyone, but have buffet style for what remains, so people can help themselves AFTER they have eaten whats been served, your bother sounds like an inconsiderate pig, and seems to treat free meals, like an all you can eat buffet as if he's paid for it and wants to eat as much as possible to get his moneys worth.
Pile his and partners plates with extra veg, pre cook a load of sausage rolls and nuggets the day before as well, have them out for people to pick at before dinner, maybe mention to others normal people who know how to behave at group dinners, to not eat it and save themselves for the nice dinner, dessert should be portioned too, but buy a ton of cheap mince pies and crisps, cakes etc once again for the greedy ones to gorge on. I do wonder is your brother and partner obese, does he have financial difficulty to always hungry. Give him loads of drinks as well, they give free fizzy drinks in all you can eat buffets as it fills everyone up and they eat less.
Sounds like your brother has an eating disorder or some kind, and maybe have a chat with him before hand over the phone as well, can't be picked on if it's a single one to one phone call

To be honest, I am wondering if he has an actual medical condition, either mental or physical that makes him behave in this way. It's all very well people considering him just to be rude and/or greedy but I have to question whether this is the case or whether this is some sort of illness. My biggest concern here would be the fact that he doesnt seem to show any signs of etiquette when it comes to meals with others. I would have expected him to be able to show some restraint when sharing with others in a buffet style situation but this doesnt seem to be the case and I would have to question why. Same with his partner I guess.

You need to plate up everybody’s food and get some cheap supermarket value roasties and Yorkshire’s on the side for him that you stick in the oven / air fryer last min so he feels like he can add more but it’s not the main food you’re cooking and he’s eating all off.

Plate the some bits. Meats, pigs in blankets and stuffing maybe. Then buffet style the veg, potatoes and sides. They’re all reasonably cheap and he could go to town on those. That was everyone’s fed, everyone’s happy!

I think you may have just taught someone a very valuable lesson about judgement OP.

I second the pp that mentioned frozen Yorkshire puds - can whack packs in the oven when everything else is cooked and have them out on the table in 5 minutes.

So greedy CFs then. Keep all the expensive stuff back and don't let them wander off to get more meat. Serve it to them. If they eat potatoes do more specially for this couple. Also cheap Yorkshire puddings or extra if ready made ones. Extra gravy as well. Chances are their eyes are bigger than their stomachs and they'll fill up on these. Desserts like trifle, cheese etc serve it up for everyone and keep an eye on it. Also both people might sneak back later to fill up on leftovers (or steal them which isn't unusual on MN)
Medical condition? Both of them? Probably a case of Greedyitis

Gosh I would not only find that greedy but also just gross. That is gorging. Yuck.

Definitely plate up the turkey, pigs, Yorkshires and roast potatoes. Have loads of veg that people can help themselves to buffet style. I’d keep back anything that you want to keep for leftovers (the best thing about Christmas dinner imo).
if you’re worried about oven space, Yorkshire puddings can be made earlier in the day, or even the day before, and heated through just before you eat. Even roast potatoes can be part cooked the day before and finish cooking on the day; this might enable you to cook greater quantities of cheap and filling carbs!

Give him a smaller plate and pile it high with veggies so it looks like he has loads. He sounds like he over eats regularly so that’s a whole different health problem….

It sounds like you can’t fill him up, so I wouldn’t try. Either plate up the meals or get people to come up and make sure they’re last. Or alternatively just tell him! ‘It’s 2 pigs in blankets per person’ etc

@BettysRoasties is bang on. Serve his plate to him and then put extras on the table.

What a vicious, horrible thing to say.

OP not read full thread but can you not ask them to perhaps bring a cooked turkey or turkey crown with them - saying you have xx number of people coming, a small oven and just need more food but it's fine if they eat most of their turkey themselves as you know they have big appetites?? Otherwise how will everyone get enough to eat?

On those disbelieving the cheese thing... I imagine it was a buffet for 200 that included cheese so maybe 3-4 smallish slices each which two people with massive appetites may be able to put a significant dent in.

It’s a bit awkward but I think I’d just plate it up yourself to get around it all!

So do you think their mother covered his ears when she was teaching OP table manners? Or was it just more important to you to be unpleasant than intelligent?

Surely the obvious answer is to not let them serve themselves. What else do you expect people to say?