Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

Don’t lie 🙄

I can do a couple of normal sized ones but my BIL makes them bigger than an average human head (only a slight exaggeration), and of those....I really struggle to finish one!

You’ve inspired me to make Yorkshires tomorrow to go with the leftover parsnips, carrots and dauphinois potatoes. Lashings of gravy too. Thank you!

Sounds like he and his partner aren’t the only greedy ones. Makes my Christmas dinner sound really boring but then I am trying to ensure that I don’t become pre-diabetic.

Yeah, you your Christmas dinner does sound really boring.

Yes they're all fat.

Morbid obesity is such a giggle isn't it.
All the fun that comes with diabetes; blindness, amputations, who would want to miss out on all that excitement!

Not to me. But then I get my excitement from life not food. I find it more satisfying.

One large meal won't give you pre-diabetes.

😂😂

Of course it won’t but when you get into a habit it’s hard to break it.

True, but we are not talking about just the occasional very large meal here.

I hear you, but everyone is different. Direct dopamine-seeking is more prevalent with ADHD, but sensory-seeking can be a cause too, plus not realising when you are full. I'm auDHD & had bulimia for a long time, I'm not good at knowing when I'm hungry or full, I have also restricted eating & I'm only now really understanding how it all works. You can get dopamine from overeating; my reply though wasn't rigourous or specific because my intent is to seek understanding of why someone might be like this, not to think I have all the answers. I work with ND people, some of whom are undiagnosed or not even aware they are (probably) ND, and I have family members & know of people who have developed selfish behaviours (I include myself in that) which gets worse because of the shame around them. Anyway, thank you for your input, it's always good to see other perspectives. And good luck in the world, Lord knows we need it!

I can see how my reply could appear patronising, it's certainly a divisive topic; I hope I didn't make you feel bad (and that that doesn't further the patronising!). I've had food addiction issues also, I was bulimic for a looooong time & I've given myself health issues because of it; I found out recently that I'm auDHD & it explains a lot. I of course can see that this is selfish behaviour, but I don't think it's vile, and I guess that's primarily where we differ; no doubt I have stronger judgement for other things that you may perhaps be more lenient with.

I really don't think that's what I said. The question of whether he might be is simply that, a question; the nature of overeating is a separate topic, although significant within neurodiversity. Humans are animals; animals sometimes overeat & are often inconsiderate.

Thank you! I appreciate that. Empathy with boundaries has to be a goal, surely?