Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

Honestly, if they have the brass neck to not care about eating all the food at a wedding, they are thick skinned enough to receive some home truths.
I'd say "stop eating all the food. Everyone else is going without. If you can't manage that, I'm afraid you will have to plate up last"

Tell them to eat before they come or just disinvite them. Isn't Gluttony one of the 7 sins? Awful to watch and the stress isn't fair on you.

Get a set of smaller dinner plates, or mismatched and just happen to give him a small one- and then fill it super full. maybe he just likes to see his plate 'full'. Serve everyone first round and then let people go up for seconds. That way everyone has had a decent meal first.

I... don't understand. Has nobody ever sat him down and told him straight that it's socially unacceptable to take so much food that others are left without? It's mind-boggling, how selfish some people can be.

I would also buy two or three garlic breads and leave them near where he is sitting. Surely that would be enough.

I am frustrated to read your problem. Like every year I am feeding 18 (mix of adults and children). My biggest concern is usually what I will do with the leftovers!

I cant believe how many people are suggesting you announce “ 3 pigs in blankets each ‘ etc. How miserable . I’d rather cook a boatload in batches if necessary than ask people to count out their food. And I’d definitely be asking people to make a contribution in some way ..14 people to feed is not cheap!

I'd be frank and say to him in advance that he needs to be more considerate of others at the table because he has a track record of going over the top with food. I would suggest to him that he sticks to what he would imagine, another guest would eat - then IF theres leftovers AFTER everyone has plated up then he can take as much as he needs.

Honestly though what an absolute pig! And the girlfriend - how dare they?! Especially the wedding scenario

Can't you just talk to him beforehand instead of asking for these nefarious schemes?

or make a bit of a joke of it and tell him he’s going last

I do think for that amount of people you will need to plate up the meat, spuds, PIB, yorkshires etc and help themselves to veg. Especially when you have self centred people coming who don’t even think that everyone needs to eat and not just them. That way people can still adjust to their own appetite and if any extra roasters then those still hungry can get more. I’d just say to everyone that you normally like to serve full buffet style but with limited oven space you need to plate certain items to ensure everyone gets some.

I find it incredibly rude when people don’t even consider other people and just think of themselves. It’s something that really winds me up.

Definitely plate up the roast! I’d give him and his partner a large plate of bread and butter with theirs too. Another good tip is to give them plenty of (non-alcoholic) fluid before the meal as this will dampen down their greed hunger.

Someone (YOU) need to be honest with him and tell him to refrain from making a selfish pig of himself.
Suggest he eat a big meal at home before attending the event!

Kindly, just put a loaf of bread and butter on the table and serve the meat, it will all be fine.

I thought of The Tiger Who Came To Tea as I read the OP…

Plate up!! You can put extra on the table buffet style but absolutely plate up...it will be awful for everyone else if they miss out on parts of Christmas dinner because of a lack of manners x

Greedy sods. Think they need a trip to the doctors.

Exactly for fuck’s sake, why should the OP have to pander and faff around more than she has to on Christmas Day

To do it subtly, without causing a scene/upset then plating up of the dishes at risk and then having other food - veg, spuds etc out on the table for diy serving.

Spuds and veg on several plates each and the table is full and so it looks all innocent.

Gravy in a couple of jugs with some in reserve in the kitchen.

This way you are more in control.

DIY serving and trying to control by putting critical dishes out of reach could well backfire.

good luck.

@xAwaywiththefairiesx I'm sorry you went through that and if my comments were insensitive.

I think you have to tell him frankly, before the meal.

Because there's a difference between a adult who is naturally arrogant and selfish and one who honestly doesn't have the self reflection and awareness to see his behaviour for what it is. I agree that plenty of nibbles, dips, bread etc on arrival is the way to start. Then you'll have to plate up. Although honest conversations around your childhood and how it's impacted him, would be helpful, but not so close to Christmas.

To make your life easier -make a checklist and serve stuff up - I mean literally - a list of items you will be putting on plates and then you serve the things the eople want..

Meanwhile, Tell your brother - cooking space is limited so come having eaten in advance (if he can take blunt.. )

I would suggest putting loads of snacks out before hand to quell his hunger and so take away his plate filling tendencies.

it won’t he’ll still fill his plate - just not finish it. Even more annoying.

WTAF?

His behaviour is exceptionally greedy and rude and you’re well within your rights to call him out on it. I absolutely love food but would never take so much at a buffet that there wasn’t enough for other people. He may not have been taught adequate table manners growing up but he’s now an adult and needs to take responsibility for his socially unacceptable behaviour.