Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

Mens behaviour is always a women’s fault.

Why on earth should you pander to them? he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.
of course he doesn’t feel guilty or he wouldn’t keep doing it! He pretends he does to make you feel guilty, and to get away with this shitty behaviour!

Plate up the meat, roasts etc - anything that's limited and put out big bowls of veg and mash potatoes.

I saw them in October and yes, very much so

And his father. It is the responsibility for parents to teach table manners from the moment an infant sits at the table. To be considerate of others, to hold their knofe and fork properly, to help themselves to a reasonable amount, to offer to pass dishes, etc.

If you don’t want to do a lot of extra cooking then get cold snacks that they can pick on.

Pork pies, deli sandwich fillers like tuna mayo or coronation chicken with a mixed box of crackers, olives, crisps etc.

Then plate up the food whilst they hoover up the cold snack buffet

In this case I would serve plates. You could always serve meat/ pigs in blankets and yorkshires and then let everyone serve themselves the veg and sides. Do lots and lots of veg and sides -make the most of all that 5p veg the supermarkets are all flogging. If there are bits you are cooking for leftovers snaffle those away after plating and only put a bit extra out.

As someone with some absolute gannets for family members I always cook them their own tray of veg and roast potatoes. Luckily, whilst they do pile their plates up they do make sure to leave enough for everyone else and go up for seconds or thirds when everyone else has got their share. Everyone in the family knows to get what they want to eat on their plates before the gannets decend on the leftovers. So make sure your other guests know to plate what they want first time round.

If they are coming early - lots of snacks out. Crisps, biscuits, bread, cheese. If they are there for breakfast - big fry up for them.

You never know, they may have discovered monjaro and have no appetite this year /s/.

I’d plate it up and not let people help themselves. I’d say ‘Right, dig in everyone. I’ve given everyone 3 pigs in blankets and 5 roasters. There’s some left, so if anyone has space they can have those too!

I’d be in control and make him ask if he wants more. Later on I’d say ‘Right here’s some Turkey and ham rolls. There’s enough for three each, but give me a shout if anyone needs more.’

I wouldn’t let him have free rein.

Just do the plates with meat , stuffing and pib already on them and make a mountain of veg for them to serve themselves. It's only 5p a bag in Morrisons 😁👍

I agree plate up and cook really a lot of Lidl 8p veg.

Here is the plan:
You are going to prepare a few simple, cheap canapés -sliced toasted baguette + topping, olives, breadsticks and dips. You are going to invite them a bit earlier than the rest of your guests and you’ll make sure he and his partner stuff themselves before the others arrive.
Forget about the buffet style and serve everyone individually.

I would plate it up. Or put half out, let them take theirs and then put out the rest. Loads of Yorkshire puds in a good idea. How about roasties and boiled potatoes too?

I’d plate up key components, with a bit of input on ‘anything anyone doesn’t want’.

And then buffet /serving dishes style for top ups and seconds.

Probably splitting the serving dishes so two of each, one each end of table.

Plate up a decent serving for everyone, then they can help themselves to seconds from what is left

This is why Yorkshire pudding was invented. It was served first with gravy, to fill people up before the meat course. So, a similar strategy is required

God I wouldn’t be able to bear the selfishness! No matter how hungry you are, who the actual fuck takes an entire garlic bread baguette from the table when it is quite obviously meant to be shared? I’d have taken it straight off his plate with a “what are you doing? That’s for everyone!”

I would 100% serve the plates yourself in the kitchen and leave out extras if you want. It means that everyone is at least guaranteed a decent first course. I hate greedy people like this who don’t think of anything but their stomachs. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed to do this, they should be embarrassed at their own behaviour.

I’d make a point of announcing to everyone that you’ve done enough for them to all have 4 pigs in blankets each, 3 roast potatoes and a spoonful of sprouts so please don’t anyone take more than that until everyone has had their share. Then I’d make sure he was the last person to be given a plate. I absolutely hate this kind of selfish greedy behaviour!

No, she didn't really.

She wasn't a particularly interested or engaged mother. There were six of us kids and my step-father was an abusive alcoholic. She was constantly busy, stressed, tired and generally just trying to get through each day and get us grown up and out of the house as soon as possible. From the age of 11 or 12 I was doing a lot of the cooking for my younger siblings, by this time my mother seems to have taken on a "if you can't beat em join em" approach and was getting drunk in the next room with step dad.

So no, not many table manners taught, more with me as one of the elder kids when she had more time, but not so much with the younger ones (my brother is the youngest)

Not sure what answering your question or indeed you asking it brings to the conversation, why you felt the need or why you thought it might help the question I've asked, but you have your answer now.

Perhaps 11 year old me should have taught him better and I'm reaping what I sow, eh?

Plate up their food.

However, make sure you tell them that the leftovers are for everyone. Can't stand this type of selfish greed.

They are pair of greedy CFs. If they carry in the same vein they'll end up in the cardiac ward, or worse

I'd probably plate up the expensive/tastiest/limited bits (meat, yorkies, stuffing, pigs in blankets etc.) then just make lots of extra veg and put that out for them to pad their plates with. That way not too controlling, but you're making sure he doesn't get the lion's share of the good stuff

My brother has had a habit of taking too much in the past (not as bad as this though). So now I say there’s x number of Yorkshire’s each to start. My mum never makes enough roast potatoes though as her and my dad always had 2-3 each whereas my brother, SIL and my adult DC will have a fair bit more than that. Last year I took some extra as I was staying in an airbnb so I said I had to use up the spuds i’d bought as didn’t want to take them home. They still all went.

I'd love late food and pop a basket of very crusty rolls on the table to slow them down. Lots of carbs and inexpensive