Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

Just tell him not to be a greedy fucker.

This is just gluttony!
You need to have a word with both of them and apportion their food.
If they don't like it, tough!

Serve plated.

You absolutely have to serve up onto plates.

DH isn't like this for overeating, but he definitely never thinks to count the number of pigs in blankets on a platter and divide by the number of people, then serve himself a fair share, he just takes what he fancies and sod the rest of us. It's taken literally decades to change that. I do empathise.

Do a LOT of filling stuff like mashed potatoes (alongside the roasters) and veg to fill the pair of them up as much as possible.

Or tell him upfront that you know they prefer bigger meals than you will cook, so you'll make them a butty on the quiet before dinner to make sure they aren't hungry.

I agree with this 👆
Don't have serving plates, plate everyone's up. Do the others first, then plate up theirs with extra. Do the same again with pudding. They absolutely cannot help themselves because they're too selfish.

DH isn't like this for overeating, but he definitely never thinks to count the number of pigs in blankets on a platter and divide by the number of people, then serve himself a fair share, he just takes what he fancies and sod the rest of us. It's taken literally decades to change that. I do empathise.

I don’t understand why anyone puts up with selfish people like this. In my circles it would have been pointed out to them immediately. Politely but firmly. And if they continued to be so selfish, they would never be invited anywhere again.

Exactly this

Personally i like the idea of plating up things like the meat and pigs in blankets and having the veg and roasties as "serve yourself", but if they're thwarted in any way I'd also be prepared for some waspish remarks about you not having provided enough

So best practise the death stare and the "did you mean to be so rude?"

Plate up the good stuff - meat, yorkshires, roast potatoes, pigs in blankets, and out the veg on the table for everyone to help themselves. Something tells me they won’t be that bothered about the veg…

Definitely don't do buffet style or serving plates on the table, plate it all up on to individual plates. Can you ask them to bring some dishes with them (potato salad, coleslaw?) and fresh bread so that they won't be hungry, "as you only have a small oven."
Or you could tell them not to be so greedy.

I would cook loads but I would also tell him. “Nigel dear, lots of people are coming for dinner. So the food you see? It’s for x amount of people, not just you. Please remember that and don’t take it all. Everyone is here to enjoy dinner”.

1. Ask him and his partner to bring grazing nibbles as their contribution. Nuts, crackers, dips, etc. Just have them out buffet style for an hour or so first.
2. If you want to do a sit down starter do something like soup and give a roll each. The bowl size naturally limits the portion.
3. Plate up the dinner with adults other than your brother and his partner helping.
4. Dessert give everyone a slice of cake or whatever and have the rest as a free for all. If you have other siblings you could ask them to being dessert so it's all evened out

From what I’ve read I don’t think filling tgem up with cheap things before the main meal will work as it seems they can eat and eat and eat. The only answer is to plate up the foods you need to portion control and anything else eg the veg do buffet style. Of course it depends on oven space but I’d be tempted to part cook some roast the day before which you can put back in oven when you are serving so it’s ready for seconds etc xx. Good luck

From my own experience I’d plate the food up rather than buffet - I went to a relatives house for Christmas dinner one year, we’d all chipped in for the food and my SIL had served it all in a buffet help yourself style - there were around 20 of us, and all the adult kids of the hosts got to go first and piled their plates high, by the time I got there there was nothing left but slithers of meat.

Whatsapp everyone in advance: ‘If you’re hungry let me know and I’ll rustle up something for you. I’ve only got a very specific amount of food to cover all our meals with nothing spare( cost of living etc) so I’m afraid no one will be able to just help themselves, unless it’s to food items they have bought with them. Thanks for understanding.’

We do have notifications on the pigs in blankets ‘there are three each’ style. But yes to plating up - it isn’t going to be fair otherwise.

And yes to crusty rolls before the main meal and to extra veggies. Maybe raw celery sticks.

He sounds like a book character

You seem to spend a lot of time watching nd counting how much he eats

Tell him that he can’t come if he’s going to be a greedy pig.
It’s enough to put other people off their food, sitting at the table with such gluttons.

I'm sorry - your childhoods sound hard. And like he eats for comfort/love, maybe especially if you're providing. Agree that plating up is the only way. Hope it goes ok.

they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people,

They two of them ate enough cheese to feed almost 200 people?

You dish up the meat, pigs in blankets and send the plates in.

Or, I like the suggestion of calling people
up the buffet in ‘waves’ with them last.

Hide some of it in the top of the oven until after they’ve taken theirs?

This wouldn’t happen in our family - siblings would just say ‘oi; that’s for everyone, put some back!’

Not sure if it'll go with Xmas dinner, but for boxing day we fill my BIL up with bread! We get big baguettes for every get together put it on the table with crisps and he eats all that while everyone else is busy cooking.

when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate.

OMG, that's disgusting.

It would be the last year I'd have him over for Christmas.

Because they eat more than their share at every event. That's quite reasonable.

Op does he and his partner ever host or cook for everyone else?

I personally wouldn't invite such a rude pair of people but if you insist then you'll have to plate up for people and put a few bowls of extra veg and spuds as buffet on the table.

Not sure how genuine this is but if it's a real concern then simply plate up everyone's meal yourself. It's a bit of a hassle but the only real solution, unless you're going to tell him he and his partner have to wait until the end to serve themselves, which would likely be more awkward.