Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

How greedy they both are. It's absolutely disrespectful.

I would serve food plated for them and everyone else.

If they want seconds, they can ask.

Ask them to bring dessert for everyone.

Having a childhood like that (sounds like my own and it was hell so I sympathise with you op) but it is absolutely not your fault- you was only a child.
There really is no excuse for his gluttony and lack of table manners. He is a grown man who by now should've realised how to behave throughout the years when food is involved
He sounds like my BIL - always the victim "you're picking on me / you're having a go" NO he is been selfish & not understanding this isn't a one man buffet, it's for everyone. X

OP, I probably speak for many on here in wishing you a Happy Christmas, and thanking you for a highly entertaining - and often hilarious - thread.
The ‘He ate half the trifle, but not the half you’re thinking’ vignette was comedy gold.
Another poster spoke of someone who drew the central serving bowl of chocolate mousse to herself, then ate the lot.
I genuinely had no idea such people existed. This forum is so often a window to another world.

‘I’m not fat shaming’ .
Why not? There is plenty that he needs to be ashamed about.

Ask him and oartner to bring the cheeseboard for all of you
see how much he brings

Have they ever hosted ?
Do they have lots of extra food ?

Probably because fat-shaming is for wankers, and also it's pretty clear this behaviour is trauma-based.

So what?

Still no reason to have no fucking manners or awareness of others.

Do it buffet style call up guests one at a tome hand then a plate leave them last

They sound grotesque. Not because they're big chaps, but because they'll happily eat everyone else's portions of food. You need to tell them straight, and who cares if they get upset?

Sounds horrendous…

You sound like a very lovely caring and understanding sister. I think you can say to him, before he starts to grab, I love you brother dear, (and this applies to you too, dear brother’s partner) but I have catered for 2 yorkshires each, 3 roast potatoes, 1 sprout 🤢, etc, so you are going to have to put the others back, and see if there are any left for you to have at the end. You will not starve as there is plenty of food to go around, but please play fair and let others get a look in too. Once everyone has plated up, it is ‘free dibs’ .

The trifle thing - I prefer the custard and cream topping too.

I think you need to host Christmas dinner at your local Harvester! It's going to have to be plating up by the sounds of it.

Either plate up for people or uninvite him. He sounds rude

I'd plate all the meals up and then do a few serving dishes of the leftovers. I'd keep the leftovers warm in the oven and bring them out when everyone has finishes, so they all get fair crack rather than just the quick eaters.

Have you got something prickly in your knickers? It was clearly a light hearted comment about pigs in blankets, there was no need to be defensive.

I don't think I could put up with that.

When you put the food down, I think you have to say, "I've made 12 Yorkshires so there's enough for 2 each," and so on. Greed is a really unattractive trait.

I think you need to tell them that they should wait for everyone to serve themselves and that they can have seconds when everyone else has finished.

That’s normal table manners

Sorry but my family aren't like this. We're all slim people. So if someone acted an absolute glutton like this, they'd be told flat out to put the food back and not be such a greedy bastard. Like why on earth would you just let someone take all the food and say nothing to them? If he doesn't get that he's done something he shouldn't, don't invite him. If he asks why tell him because he's a greedy bastard that eats all the food. Not sure why this is so difficult. The truth isn't wrong to tell people. You can love someone very much and not enable their bollocks.

What? Both of them are so traumatised they are gluttons?

Well, they can keep their greed at home instead of depriving others. it’s vile.

It sounds like he was neglected/abused as a child.
Fat shaming might be fun (and cruel) but it isn't helpful.

My DH and his siblings comfort eat all their lives because they lost their mother at a young age and their father didn't cope very well afterwards. Everyone is not well off enough to pay for therapy as needed and even if they were that industry attracts many exploitative people.

Secondly, the global food industry is in the hands of a very small number of companies who ruthlessly exploit human biology in their endless pursuit of profit and growth. The net result is an obesity epidemic in the West and an emerging one in developing countries. Nestle went so far as to send floating supermarkets deep into the Amazon to sell their toxic sugary products to remote tribes who hitherto had zero exposure to processed foods and within a frighteningly short period of time, these tribes were dealing with diabetes and obesity in children... These children were no different to their parents or ancestors, no more "greedy" than any other human being. The difference was due to the toxic products being sold to them by a very powerful global "food" company. These companies know full well that sugar increases the appetite in humans as we are hard-wired to eat as much of it as we can when found in nature (honey, fruit, etc) where it is rare. This is why all food companies put sugar in everything we eat including bread, pasta, cereals, savoury dishes, etc.
Like salt, it is a cheap way to add flavour to bland mass-produced foods.

Plate up and use smaller dinner plates for those two so it looks more. The same with hot puddings. Make cold desserts in individual dishes. The bread and butter idea is a good one too. In the Midlands there was quite a culture of having bread with a main meal, 'to sop up the gravy,' You could try the North country idea of serving a large Yorkshire pudding and gravy as a starter! Fills them up to make the main course go further.

What is so surprising about two people who have similar issues through trauma or ND getting into a relationship?

Its clear from this thread that most people dont understand what led them there.

Sounds to me like maybe his neglectful childhoods has left issues with food because your trifle tale is mighty strange. Funny that his partner is the same though.

It sounds a very sad way to be really.

speak out now. Just tell him firmly the exact number of potatoes allowed. He might respond better to concrete rules and numbers. Don't go making extra food because it's making his gluttony seem socially acceptable when you need him to know it's not

Thinking the same, sister must have grossly underestimated how much cheese is enough for 200 people if two people can carry it all away on two buffet plates