My parents are obsessed with illness

[Porrrly]

Has anyone else’s parents become obsessed with illness and disease?

In the years since turning 60, both of my parents have become obsessed with illness, disease and health. They are continuously paranoid about catching anything, to the extent they will avoid meeting up with family members for a 2 week minimum isolation period to ensure all ‘contagious’ disease is gone. This is incredibly difficult as myself and my brother have little children at school and nursery, so they almost always have some sort of cold.

Additionally, they are constantly googling symptoms and will become sure they are having a stroke / heart attack / cancer and are constantly either at the GP or are at A&E. Even when they are told they don’t have such and such an illness, they will then demand to see NHS consultants or will pay thousands privately to see doctors and specialists.

They cancel plans and meet ups at the last minute, sometimes they just don’t turn up and they don’t even bother telling me at all, until I phone them or speak to my brother and find out they are in A&E again because my dad thinks he’s having a heart attack.

They also wear masks everywhere and are obsessive about hand sanitising.

They’ve now said they aren’t sure about coming for Christmas as my youngest daughter, who is 3, has a cold and they are convinced it might be the new strain of super flu. I’ve already paid for everything and told DH’s family they can’t come as it’s my parents turn this year, so it’s especially maddening.

Is this just a normal part of aging and everyone’s parents get to this stage or is something else going on?

FGS take me out and shoot me right now if that's the case. 🙄I have chronic health condition which means regular medical intervention but I refuse to waste living time worrying about being in line for my headstone.😄
Some people on here sounds as if they are in their 90's, it's unbelievable that they are probably only in their 60's or 70's not exactly ancient.

My dad (late 70s) is a bit like this but not as extreme. He has every screening test going and then some, and pretended he had worrying symptoms so he could get a colonoscopy despite having a clear ‘poo test’.

He had treatment for prostate cancer which was only picked up because he’d been having his PSA tested for years, alongside cholesterol.

However, he doesn’t particularly obsess about colds and flu, or avoid us if we’ve had a cold.

Covid lockdowns did a real number on people didn’t they

Glad Sir David Attenborough didn't have this attitude in his early 60's. We'd have missed out on 30 years of his wonderful programmes! Imagine spending 30 years obsessing over your health.

Yes please do as no one knows when they're next in line

You could die today, have a stroke or a massive car accident, or you could linger into your nineties, bedbound and incontinent.

My stepmother is in her late 60s, she’s been quite unlucky with her health. Now she’s totally anxious, depressed and obsessed with her health. Every conversation is changed back to her latest complaints, appointments, medications and whatever health issue she has been researching online. Whole week’s or month’s plans centre around what appointments, tests and scans she has. Years go by with no holidays or trips because of waiting for something. It’s so sad because the health anxiety is 10 times worse than the actual health issues. She could be living a full and active life, physically. It’s very sad how it dominates (and spoils) my dad’s life too.

‘As we age…’
Speak for yourself! Dh and I are both rather older than OP’s parents and we certainly don’t have it! Nor do any friends or relatives. If anything, and IMO if MN is anything to go by, it’s younger people who are more prone - freaking out about ‘hygiene’ and thinking they’re going to die because they ate something a day or two out of date.

There seems to be a denial on here of old age and the issues it may bring. In fact it seems to be more than denial - people are being rude and offensive when I say older people think about these things. Why? You can't accept a different point of view? Long may you be young and carefree. Happy Christmas everyone 🎅

60 isn't old!

You don't represent the whole of the aging population though do you?

You sound like you're just sat waiting for God to collect you???

This is what happens when people retire too early ime, too much time to ponder and obsess. It's very sad that they pulled that off and yet aren't doing anything to enjoy an incredibly early (and unusual these days) retirement. Can you persuade them to go on a cruise or something in the NY to take their mind off obsessing over their health? Not much point being actually fit and healthy if you don't enjoy life to the full.

You’re right. It’s the issues it MAY bring. Until I’m so ill I can’t live my life how I want to I’ll carry on enjoying the years I have, not thinking about what might happen.

Nope. Mine and my in laws are the opposite. Rock up with stomach bugs,colds,chest infections you name it. I tell the to go away when it happens.

God another thread full of ageist tropes

Oh no

I agree, life becomes a bit scary when you start losing friends to illness and you realise your spouse isn't always going to be around and the thought of hospital is terrifying because of the state of the NHS.

No denial from me. I’ve had two close friends die of cancer recently and I helped to nurse my parents and one in-law, so I am
under no illusion about the challenges of old age.

I loathe ageism too.

But there is a balance to be struck between being cautious about, and accepting of potential health issues; and allowing an intense fear of “what may happen” to cloud your present existence. And I think most posters are reacting to the latter.

Happy Christmas to you too cockandbullstories 🎄🎄🎄

Oops sorry for posting twice; wi-fi blip.

Absolutely not normal.

My mum is this age and is still working, in a hospital. She simply can't behave in this way (nor would want to).

If they're in their 60s, they could have another 30/40 years left, imagine living this way for that amount of time. Definitely shouldn't be normalised.

Their health and their imaginary illnesses are their all-consuming hobbies. They are obviously well off if they could afford to retire in their 50s but they aren't travelling or spending time with their grandchildren. It sounds like a small, obsessive and self-absorbed existance.

I'd be annoyed that they are cancelling coming for Christmas when you have told your DH's parents not to come because it is your family's turn this year. They sound very selfish to me.

Hell no. This is not normal and I only see this sort of madness in the parallel universe that is Mumsnet. I’m 60 and had cancer 10 years ago. I grab life and everything that comes with it. I work full time, go to gigs regularly, socialise and go out with friends as do all my friends older and younger. The only people I can imagine obsessing to this degree are those who don’t have enough in their life to occupy themselves and have to obsess about ‘what ifs’ and is counter productive. My mother’s whole social life (she’s 85) seems to centre around going to A&E or the GP despite nothing being seriously wrong. She then gets cross when they sending out well-being nurses promoted by her unnecessary and excessive NHS usage. She has no interests other than sitting on the sofa, moaning drinking (she’s an alcoholic) and preventing my Dad having any chance of enjoying what is left of his life. She’s never had any interests and few friends all of her own doing.

Yes you could be struck down tomorrow with a life debilitating or terminal illness so grab life whilst you can because maybe tomorrow you won’t be able to.

No it’s not normal.

But it doesn’t have to make you obsessive or feel like you are hanging around waiting for the grave! You can just joke about it and move on to something more interesting like most people do.

This. Worrying research this week that shows people who develop this anxiety and lose confidence in their 60s are at significantly higher risk of developing Alzheimer’s.

For that reason alone, they should get some help.