My parents are obsessed with illness

[Porrrly]

Has anyone else’s parents become obsessed with illness and disease?

In the years since turning 60, both of my parents have become obsessed with illness, disease and health. They are continuously paranoid about catching anything, to the extent they will avoid meeting up with family members for a 2 week minimum isolation period to ensure all ‘contagious’ disease is gone. This is incredibly difficult as myself and my brother have little children at school and nursery, so they almost always have some sort of cold.

Additionally, they are constantly googling symptoms and will become sure they are having a stroke / heart attack / cancer and are constantly either at the GP or are at A&E. Even when they are told they don’t have such and such an illness, they will then demand to see NHS consultants or will pay thousands privately to see doctors and specialists.

They cancel plans and meet ups at the last minute, sometimes they just don’t turn up and they don’t even bother telling me at all, until I phone them or speak to my brother and find out they are in A&E again because my dad thinks he’s having a heart attack.

They also wear masks everywhere and are obsessive about hand sanitising.

They’ve now said they aren’t sure about coming for Christmas as my youngest daughter, who is 3, has a cold and they are convinced it might be the new strain of super flu. I’ve already paid for everything and told DH’s family they can’t come as it’s my parents turn this year, so it’s especially maddening.

Is this just a normal part of aging and everyone’s parents get to this stage or is something else going on?

No it isn't normal behaviour!

No it won't, stop being so bloody dramatic!

That’s a mad way to view life.

They are ill with health anxiety 🤷‍♀️ which ironically is much more debilitating than most of the illnesses they’re worried about catching.

Id tell them to get a grip tbh.

I think as you get older you are more likely to check out symptoms which ‘might’ be a sign of something serious, as it’s much more likely to be serious than if you are in your 30s. Equally the impact of cold/flu etc is likely to be worse in your 60s plus than it is if you are younger.

It doesn’t sound as if the way your parents are living is healthy in itself though. Getting out and about socially is good for your mental health and also I think that coming into distant contact with viruses so there is low viral load helps your immune system.

I’m the low end of that age group and am certainly much more aware of health concerns than when I was younger, it’s something me and my friends discuss as we do have a lot more niggles now than even 10 years back, and I have paid to have immunisations. But I wouldn’t stop going out and about or meeting people.

It's absolutely not normal, I'm older than you, had cancer, DH had a couple of nasty illnesses but we never waste time worrying about what may or may not be. None of our friends and family who are over 60 do this either.

If you're suffering from health anxiety, maybe it's a symptom of other life stresses? I'm sure it's not a comfortable feeling to live with.

Of course its not normal. But when you have health anxiety its perfectly normal. I've had HA for years and I absolutely hate it. Thankfully dh is the opposite and helps me see the wood from the trees.
Your parents seem to be goading each other on

Way beyond normal for your parents.

In the same way as new parents talk a lot about parenting (to the extent there is massive £ in running an online parenting forum like Mumsnet) when your bodies stop being indestructible it's hard not to talk about it. It's astonishing, worrying and outrageous how bits that just worked fine don't work that well any more however well you look after yourself. When I'm with my peers (in our 60s/70s) we do tend to discuss what's happening to who, what we're doing about it, give each other tips about what's worked for us.

But there is a massive gap between that and obsession/health anxiety.

Quite frankly I’d be very annoyed if they refused to come at Christmas.
I would not be inviting them next year. I’d also let them get on with it. If they don’t want to come to your house during the year then so be it.
Retiring early sounds like it hasn’t been that great for them either.
It isn’t normal though. They also should not be blocking A& E with their silly imaginary ailments.

I agree with this. But also I'm wondering about the dynamic within the 'they' - they are two individual people after all! You mention them being in A&E again thinking your dad was having a heart attack. Is he the main worrier and your mum trying to contain it/share the load by getting (lots of) second opinions? Or could it be a kind of 'competitive illness' dynamic between them - a bit like the competitive tiredness couples with newborns often fall into - if you're tired of your partner moaning one course of action is to get in first and moan louder! Or have they been together all their lives, have no independent activities and friends and terrified of losing the other?

My parents are like this constantly at the doctors , hospitals all talk about hospital appointments…

I'm early 60 and not like this at all, I'm not worried about being ill / dying because I'm too busy living.
Ypur parents would drive me totally loopy OP and tbh I wouldn't want to be around peeps like that as friends and relatives would be worse.

I’m older than you and I definitely don’t think this way. It’s a mad way to think. You could have 30 years left of life.

What is the point in stopping living so you can stay around longer?

Health anxiety got worse with covid, people didn't trust the so called experts, and still don't. Their friends may have got ill or died, you read about misdiagnosis, cancelled appointments and operations, lack of beds, every day in the news, many people gave no faith in doctors and turn to self diagnosis. I wouldn't worry about christmas, I'd suggest they don't come as it will make everyone anxious and have your in-laws instead. The anxiius worried well are extremely difficult to treat. id try and ignore it.

Are you saying they don't need these hospital appointments? Are they con artists? Or do they have genuine conditions associated with their age?

Wearing a mask and hand sanitising doesn't harm anyone, although it's always better they wash their hands.

It’s unusual

It's not dramatic. It's a fact - all of you if you are lucky will one day be this age with an ageing body and the natural problems that brings.

This sounds difficult OP.I am similar age to your DP (early 60s) and try to be positive and rarely needed the GP . Now I have had Ovarian Cancer .I am making sure to go out and enjoy life.Its a shame about your Christmas plans ,they sound quite isolated.Do they have any friends a similar age that could talk to them ? I think as a PP said, do not make plans at Christmas any more.Is it too late to join in with your In laws or friends? Other wise stuff yourself silly ,go to the panto ( even local one) have a nice walk at the beach/woods/local park.Drive round at night with DC , to look at the Ho ho ho houses as my DD used to call them !

Mine are like that (now 80) as were my in-laws.

To be fair they did have a fair few conditions between them. They enjoyed going to the GP because they would bump into assorted friends in the waiting room.

When do you know you're next in line?
When?
You're being ridiculous.

It is a fact. When you are young you never think about it. I don't mean all day obsessing about it but you do realise that there will come a time when you are not as able to do things you may want to. As they say youth is wasted on the young.

I really have to explain this to you ?

My mum certainly wasn't like this in her 60's. That's relatively young!

She's a bit like this now, but she's nearly 80!! She doesn't constantly talk about illness, but she's always got some kind of ailment going on, but you would expect that at 80.