To not look after DSC with a chest infection whilst DP goes to a football match

[sorrytorun]

On antibiotics for pneumonia. Feeling awful. Haven’t been able to leave bed for a week.

DSC (5) is with us this weekend. DH has announced today that his 5- aside football team is playing a charity match today. He will be on the bench 🙄 he’s asked me if I can look after DSC for “3 or so hours” whilst he goes or whether he should take him with him.

i said I was feeling rotten and usually I’d be fine to look after DSC but can he take him with him today.

he said “you could watch a film with him?” I said no again and he flounced off saying he won’t be able to come off the bench now.

Aibu?

YANBU - but if you'd been well does that mean he'd have dumped his 5yo on you for the afternoon on the last weekend before Christmas in order to play a hobby game of football? That is utterly shit of him. His son will only be five for a short time - in a few years the son may well want to join him for football but in the meantime what about a visit to Santa, walk round the neighbourhood to see the Christmas lights, take him shopping to get a present for his mum so he has a surprise gift for her on Christmas day, go to some local carols. If all he can really think of is watching a film then he should be the one snuggling up with his kid and watching the film together. This guy makes "Disney dads" look aspirational. At least they actually put in some effort.

Also just to add he reminds me of my ex who huffed when I left him to look after our kids for 45 minutes so I could get a flu jab. Guess why he’s an ex?

Presumably your partner has limited contact time with his son. Why dosen't he prioritise his son when he has him? It's unreasonable for him to expect to outsource his parenting to you whether you are ill or not.

I divorced my first husband after he did something similar many years ago. I was in bed with a nasty chest infection and he told me he was going out with friends for the day. When I asked him to stay at home to help look after our young children, I saw the contempt on his face when he said no and he stayed out all day and late into the night. He’d often been selfish, but I realised then that he didn’t really love me and the marriage was over. As soon as I recovered from the illness I started planning to leave. I think you should plan to leave too.

He didn't really ask you @sorrytorun because he'd already signed up for football and just expected you to say yes. While you're unwell and having some quiet time I'd think about how often he leaves his DS with you so he can go and have fun on his own, then ask yourself what sort of DF sees his DC so little but is happy to leave him with you.
I hope you're feeling better for Christmas

I would have said NO too! And actually, if there’s illness in your home why has DH agreed to have his child to stay…….and I do get that it’s probably ‘his weekend’ etc………wouldn’t the child be safer staying with birth mum?

Not the greatest idea to have a child in close connection with someone who has a chest infection '. I'm sure the child's mum wouldn't be thrilled at the notion during Christmas week.

Wouldn’t the little lad enjoy the match with his dad?
Fancy trying to offload precious time with the poor child onto someone else, never mind a seriously ailing someone you are supposed to love.

If it weren't for the dread effect it’d have on the mothers involved, you'd sometimes wish it were illegal for dads to live apart from their kids. They so often need to have one damn foot nailed to the living room floor in order that they be even a little bit ‘present’.

There are far too many inadequate, feckless, and selfish dads around. (Beats me how they ever get so far as to have partners, let alone pregnant ones, AND the subsequent ones who’ll look after their part-time kids. 🤬)

[ Sorry, just needed a rant this morning, as I can’t find the rest of the bloody croissants I had with my coffee yesterday!]

No, you’re not being unreasonable, and your DH needs to stop pouting and STFU. The fact that the child is a stepchild is irrelevant here, you’re too ill and it’s his responsibility to solve his childcare issues.

What a horrible pathetic man child.
His child is there to see HIM. Not to be palmed off on his sick partner while he prats around on a jolly with the boys

I’d personally think it was well off even if you weren’t sick, especially as it’s just a few days from Xmas when everyone is busy

Is the thus hands off with his own child generally OP?

What did I just read? The women need to run around changing plans so as not to inconvenience the man (i.e. the PARENT who is responsible for the child this weekend)?

I think if he only has his son at weekends or every other weekend he shouldn’t go anyway. This time should be precious with his and his son. If he has him 50/50 then that is slightly different.
No it’s not appropriate for you to look after him when you are ill.

Is he also a cocklodger?

Sounds like the type.

Sorry OP. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Pneumonia is a very serious infection, please concentrate on looking after yourself. I hope you get better soon.

Hope you told him to fuck off…permanently!

What a dick

No idea why you are being so petty, single parents manage.

Tsk tsk OP, you are forgetting your purpose in life!
You are there to work for him for free so that he can do all his hobbies.
Can you imagine how embarrassed he would feel if he had to let the team down. They would all know that he lacks the ability to dominate and control a woman such that she feels obligated to care for his child even though she is extremely ill herself.
How can you not realise that saving face for him is much more important than you and your well-being!?

My first suggestion would be that he doesn't have to go to the football at all, but if it's that important to him, he can take his child along and just watch with him from the bench (oh what fun for his kid!).

He's selfish and a less than impressive father.

Is he your DP or DH?! I hope you aren't married.

Whatever you do, don't have kids with this nobber. Play it forwards...you have a baby and split up (looking likely) and he's having your baby the Saturday before Christmas. What poor sod will he be dumping them on, so he can carry on with his life?!

Why’s it petty?

Yanbu. Even if you was feeling amazing and well, I’d still be saying you shouldn’t look after his child for him in these circumstances.

My own child? Sure, I’d bring him in to bed with me, set him up on the iPad and then doze besides him.

My selfish, thoughtless boyfriend’s child? No

Poor child. His father happy to swan off leaving him with someone who isn’t well an doesn’t want to look after him.

How dare you be incapacitated with pneumonia and not up to being the nanny for your husband's child when he wants to go to football?

You are a malfunctioning wife appliance.

Of course your husband is being a fucking asshole. You have diagnosed pneumonia and should be resting and drinking lots of fluids, not being his nannybot.

This is his custody time and he wants to dump his child onto his extremely sick wife and not spend that custody time with him. What an amazing parent. 🙄

This!