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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not look after DSC with a chest infection whilst DP goes to a football match

142 replies

sorrytorun · 20/12/2025 08:18

On antibiotics for pneumonia. Feeling awful. Haven’t been able to leave bed for a week.

DSC (5) is with us this weekend. DH has announced today that his 5- aside football team is playing a charity match today. He will be on the bench 🙄 he’s asked me if I can look after DSC for “3 or so hours” whilst he goes or whether he should take him with him.

i said I was feeling rotten and usually I’d be fine to look after DSC but can he take him with him today.

he said “you could watch a film with him?” I said no again and he flounced off saying he won’t be able to come off the bench now.

Aibu?

OP posts:
viques · 20/12/2025 10:08

He gave you options. Then flounced when you chose the “wrong” one! Manchild.

Ooodelally · 20/12/2025 10:12

Why doesn’t he want to spend time with his child? He sounds a right cunt and that’s before he’s being completely unreasonable about guiding tripping you when you’re so ill.

Anonanonay · 20/12/2025 10:15

He should be staying at home to look after YOU and his child.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 20/12/2025 10:17

Agix · 20/12/2025 08:21

Misunderstood at first and thought the child was the one with the chest infection!

Heck no, you should not have to look after your step child whilst you have a chest infection and the child actual parent buggers off! Stand your ground.

Yes the wording in your title is misleading! But if you cant leave your bed yet then of course YANBU. You don't want to mess with pneumonia and should rest until you are well on the way to recovery.

Your DSC is quite young and may not be safe left to play out of your sight for three hours.

SpaceRaccoon · 20/12/2025 10:20

Won't be able to come off the bench? Won't be able to go to the boozer after more like.
Shit, selfish dad and partner.

Blades2 · 20/12/2025 10:20

Im sure dad bods rovers will be fine if Carl Ronaldo sits on the bench for the 90 mins,

Owly11 · 20/12/2025 10:22

Fucking hell no. What is going on today on mumsnet? So many unreasonable requests and posters who aren't sure if no is a reasonable response.

Francestein · 20/12/2025 10:28

I would honestly start to think if there are other examples of him putting his pleasure/good time ahead of his child’s and yours. (Guaranteed this isn’t an isolated incident…) I’m guessing his ex is “crazy” and “a nag” and “nothing he ever did was good enough”….. You’ll be hearing this about you now.

Saz12 · 20/12/2025 10:35

God no, you wouldn't be able to care for a child when youve pneumonia! I've had it, and didn't have the breath to walk to the bathroom without stopping for a rest midway.
He should be taking the opportunity to look after you, or take dsc out of the house so you can rest.

Zanatdy · 20/12/2025 10:35

Very inconsiderate of him to ask when you’re feeling rough. Here’s an idea, he could miss the football and spend time with his child.

cadburyegg · 20/12/2025 10:37

Ugh. Another selfish manchild.

He shouldn’t be planning anything like that on the weekends he has his child. If something came up and you offered to look after him then that would be different, but it shouldn’t be expected, and for him to ask you to look after him when you’re so ill is completely unacceptable.

Please reconsider if this is the man you want to spend your life with.

SparklyBrickViper · 20/12/2025 10:39

”you could watch a film with him”

and the response at that point should have been “so could you”.

Sartre · 20/12/2025 10:43

Usually would say YABU because I hate threads where stepparents refuse to engage with their SC or treat them like second class citizens. On this occasion, with you being sick and your DP not needing emergency childcare then YANBU at all. If sitting on a bench for 1.5 hours is so important to him, he can take his poor DS.

Mapletree1985 · 20/12/2025 10:44

sorrytorun · 20/12/2025 08:18

On antibiotics for pneumonia. Feeling awful. Haven’t been able to leave bed for a week.

DSC (5) is with us this weekend. DH has announced today that his 5- aside football team is playing a charity match today. He will be on the bench 🙄 he’s asked me if I can look after DSC for “3 or so hours” whilst he goes or whether he should take him with him.

i said I was feeling rotten and usually I’d be fine to look after DSC but can he take him with him today.

he said “you could watch a film with him?” I said no again and he flounced off saying he won’t be able to come off the bench now.

Aibu?

Why can't he come off the bench? Whoever is on the bench can keep an eye on the kid.

courageiscontagious · 20/12/2025 10:48

Don’t get pregnant to this man.

Saturday before Christmas - he’s buggering off on the five year old child he only sees sometimes to sit on a bench. Twat.

never mind him feeling entitled to your unpaid labour while you’re sick.

MrsChristmasHasResigned · 20/12/2025 10:49

Its fascinating to me how many fathers have regular hobbies and expect everything else to take second place. He cant come off the bench? Oh well.

Tulipsriver · 20/12/2025 10:52

I wouldn't OK this with DH and we only have shared children. What a selfish arse! Sorry OP, hope you feel better soon.

JacknDiane · 20/12/2025 10:55

I dont know where these horrible men come from.

TunnocksOrDeath · 20/12/2025 10:55

Your DP is child. Tell his Mum on him.
"Sorry to bother you and short notice, Liz, but I'm ill in bed with pneumonia and DP can't look after your grandchild because he needs to be on the bench for a 5-a-side match for 3 hours. Can you give us a hand (4 days before Christmas) please?"

user1471538283 · 20/12/2025 10:59

I have only had a chest infection once and I don't think I've ever been so unwell. I couldn't do anything for 2 weeks. I certainly couldn't have sat and watched a movie with a young child.

Your DH should be doing christmassy things with his son not playing football. And you are not an exchange even when you are well for him to parent.

I hope you feel better soon.

jeremyclarksonsthirdnipple · 20/12/2025 11:06

Find the strength not to cave in OP ..I have seen all this beforewhere its easier to struggle and cave in to keep the peace, so close to christmas etc or what ever excuse comes to mind. Please don't its a very slippery slope from here on in if you do. Refuse please for you.

Inertia · 20/12/2025 11:07

The answer is neither.

DH should be doing some child- centred activities with his child while you recover from pneumonia. It’s Christmas week, there will be plenty of activities to choose from.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/12/2025 11:09

TunnocksOrDeath · 20/12/2025 10:55

Your DP is child. Tell his Mum on him.
"Sorry to bother you and short notice, Liz, but I'm ill in bed with pneumonia and DP can't look after your grandchild because he needs to be on the bench for a 5-a-side match for 3 hours. Can you give us a hand (4 days before Christmas) please?"

God no!! Don’t pass the buck to another woman! Sorry but this is terrible advice. The op is not her partners PA and neither should he palm his kid who he barely sees off on any woman he can find.

TunnocksOrDeath · 20/12/2025 11:10

arethereanyleftatall · 20/12/2025 11:09

God no!! Don’t pass the buck to another woman! Sorry but this is terrible advice. The op is not her partners PA and neither should he palm his kid who he barely sees off on any woman he can find.

Show quote history

But who raised this man-child to think that he can dump his inconveniences into the women in his life?

Bowling4soup · 20/12/2025 11:10

I was about to say no way he can’t drag a sick child out for 3 hours ! But looking at the comments it’s you who’s not well, in that case YANBU

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