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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not look after DSC with a chest infection whilst DP goes to a football match

142 replies

sorrytorun · 20/12/2025 08:18

On antibiotics for pneumonia. Feeling awful. Haven’t been able to leave bed for a week.

DSC (5) is with us this weekend. DH has announced today that his 5- aside football team is playing a charity match today. He will be on the bench 🙄 he’s asked me if I can look after DSC for “3 or so hours” whilst he goes or whether he should take him with him.

i said I was feeling rotten and usually I’d be fine to look after DSC but can he take him with him today.

he said “you could watch a film with him?” I said no again and he flounced off saying he won’t be able to come off the bench now.

Aibu?

OP posts:
BettysRoasties · 20/12/2025 08:46

How many matches was he being benched for, for it to be 3 hours?

You’ve found yourself the partner of a shitty father and shitty partner. A selfish man. Read the writing in the walls don’t have babies or a marriage with him.

Dearg · 20/12/2025 08:47

Well he is showing you what he really wants from your relationship - a babysitter for his child , for those times when being a Dad is just too much for him…🙄

His little one deserves better, as do you. The child cannot make a choice to leave at this age, but you can.

LakieLady · 20/12/2025 08:47

YANBU at all.

He should stay home and look after both of you!

ChavsAreReal · 20/12/2025 08:47

Even if it was your own son yanbu. But someone else's... while he goes out. Wtf?

MummaMummaMumma · 20/12/2025 08:49

The fact that he has asked, you said no and hr still tried to change your mind shows how horrible he is. He shouldn't have even asked you.

BeWiseTurtle · 20/12/2025 08:49

Why can’t he come off the bench? There are other adults there, surely. Make sure 5 yo has been to the toilet beforehand, take a camping chair and a blanket, tell him not to get up off the chair and give him a phone or tablet to play on. Single parents have to deal with this stuff all of the time, mine had to manage 90 min on the sidelines at that age if I had no childcare available

DDivaStar · 20/12/2025 08:50

No dh. Why dont you do some christmas craft with them/ take them to Christmas Market or something else Christmasy and make the most of your time together just before Christmas.

GoldMerchant · 20/12/2025 08:51

I feel like I can see why the relationship with his kid's mum ended.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/12/2025 08:51

This is so far removed from what a decent person should do and where your expectations should be for a relationship.

A decent father would have organised Christmas stuff with and for their kid months ago. Maybe with you too. Once you got pneumonia, plans should have slightly changed so that he could take the child away from you as much as possible for both your sakes. A decent partner would have been up early, made sure you had everything you needed, a lemsip, hot water bottle, soup made etc and taken his son out.
Don’t accept anything less op.

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 20/12/2025 08:55

I’d expect there’d be other children watching the football as well - and the child has come to see his Dad and so going with him seems the logical choice.
It’s just not reasonable to expect you to look after any child if there’s another option and you are so unwell.
So many selfish men!!!! Come on guys - do better!

Slobberchops1 · 20/12/2025 08:56

What a twat . He wants to make a 5 year old wait around in the cold bored rather than spend time with him ? A man that prioritises football over family and an ill partner is not attractive

thepariscrimefiles · 20/12/2025 09:02

You've in bed with pneumonia and he is expecting to leave his five year old child with you? No chance! He either takes his child with him, doesn't go to football or negotiates with his ex-wife to swap days.

He doesn't sound very concerned about your very serious illness.

Lilactimes · 20/12/2025 09:03

sorrytorun · 20/12/2025 08:18

On antibiotics for pneumonia. Feeling awful. Haven’t been able to leave bed for a week.

DSC (5) is with us this weekend. DH has announced today that his 5- aside football team is playing a charity match today. He will be on the bench 🙄 he’s asked me if I can look after DSC for “3 or so hours” whilst he goes or whether he should take him with him.

i said I was feeling rotten and usually I’d be fine to look after DSC but can he take him with him today.

he said “you could watch a film with him?” I said no again and he flounced off saying he won’t be able to come off the bench now.

Aibu?

He doesn't sound great @sorrytorun

This is what you will have to deal with if you have kids with him. He's planning to play football the weekend before Xmas when he has a 5 year old son who he prob doesn't see regularly.

that is already rubbish - factor in you're in bed with pneumonia... I would question how your relationship would be in 10 years.

He is not a keeper.

kittywittyandpretty · 20/12/2025 09:04

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 20/12/2025 08:55

I’d expect there’d be other children watching the football as well - and the child has come to see his Dad and so going with him seems the logical choice.
It’s just not reasonable to expect you to look after any child if there’s another option and you are so unwell.
So many selfish men!!!! Come on guys - do better!

Other children? You would think absolute worst case scenario there might be a couple of children watching so that Mum can have a couple of hours to wrap the presents up and then straight home to do family activities for the rest of the day.

Given this one’s an every other weekend, father you’d think he would want to have the most of every hour with his child.

Lurkingandlearning · 20/12/2025 09:05

I thought it was going to be a Premiership match that he’d spent mega bucks on a ticket. Not a piddly five a side kick about.

and he flounced off saying he won’t be able to come off the bench now.

What a big fucking baby.

“There’s a reason you’ve been put on the bench” would have been my response to that. If I’d been quick enough to think it at the time. Which I probably wouldn’t. Perhaps you can work that one in if he’s still acting like a twat when he gets home.

IsawwhatIsaw · 20/12/2025 09:07

It won’t be three hours. Hes going to the pub. Sad for his 5 year old.

Imdunfer · 20/12/2025 09:07

Pineapplewaves · 20/12/2025 08:26

Your DH should be looking after his son or finding someone else to babysit. Surely he’ll be going for drinks somewhere afterwards so it will be more than three hours?

You're right, it sure would have been if she'd agreed!

Cherrysoup · 20/12/2025 09:09

Less than a week before Christmas and he is prioritising football over a 5 year old?! Says it all, really. It’s fricking freezing today, OP should be in a warmed, child should be doing something lovely with his dad, not sitting freezing outside.

Poodlelove · 20/12/2025 09:09

He needs a slap.

He has no consideration for you or his son.

Imdunfer · 20/12/2025 09:10

sorrytorun · 20/12/2025 08:18

On antibiotics for pneumonia. Feeling awful. Haven’t been able to leave bed for a week.

DSC (5) is with us this weekend. DH has announced today that his 5- aside football team is playing a charity match today. He will be on the bench 🙄 he’s asked me if I can look after DSC for “3 or so hours” whilst he goes or whether he should take him with him.

i said I was feeling rotten and usually I’d be fine to look after DSC but can he take him with him today.

he said “you could watch a film with him?” I said no again and he flounced off saying he won’t be able to come off the bench now.

Aibu?

he won’t be able to come off the bench now.

Why not? There will be other players on the bench, plus all the other supporters. One of them can watch the boy for him.

Planesmistakenforstars · 20/12/2025 09:12

Imdunfer · 20/12/2025 09:10

he won’t be able to come off the bench now.

Why not? There will be other players on the bench, plus all the other supporters. One of them can watch the boy for him.

Show quote history

Because what he means is he won't be able to go to the pub.

HugglesAndSnuggles · 20/12/2025 09:12

This is for your partner and the child’s mum to sort out. How selfish of your partner.

Milkbloo · 20/12/2025 09:14

So so so so so so selfish, oblivious, insensitive and uncaring of him. I’m very sorry you were treated that way. 🌹

LumpyandBumps · 20/12/2025 09:26

Wow, what a prince among men!
You are ill and need to be in bed, and instead of offering to look after you he announces he’s going out, and gets in a strop when you CAN’T care for his 5YO?
If he’s on the bench for the match it means they have at least a full team. The team doesn’t need him as much as his son does, but he’s happy to dump his son so that ( in all probability) he can just go out and get pissed and be of no use to anyone.
There are worse things than being single, just saying!

Cars4Gov · 20/12/2025 09:26

Would he ask a male friend who was still recovering from a chest infection to look after his son? My guess is no. It's the assumption you are female and will deal with it.

He could take his son but would need a responsible person at the club to look after him if asked to play. It isn't a big deal but I suspect he doesn't want to be seen as having dad responsibilities which is a sign of immaturity.

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