To not look after DSC with a chest infection whilst DP goes to a football match

[sorrytorun]

On antibiotics for pneumonia. Feeling awful. Haven’t been able to leave bed for a week.

DSC (5) is with us this weekend. DH has announced today that his 5- aside football team is playing a charity match today. He will be on the bench 🙄 he’s asked me if I can look after DSC for “3 or so hours” whilst he goes or whether he should take him with him.

i said I was feeling rotten and usually I’d be fine to look after DSC but can he take him with him today.

he said “you could watch a film with him?” I said no again and he flounced off saying he won’t be able to come off the bench now.

Aibu?

It’s not about the football, it’s the pub visit he wants.
He sounds a selfish unpleasant man.

Erm no, besides feeling ill, i doubt DSC mother would be v happy if he caught your chest infection. Use that argument and tell him no way and you expect him to bring you a takeaway or make you a meal tonight. Cheeky man

I guess he wasn't always a dick.

It makes no difference that it’s your Stepchild. If it were your shared child then the outcome should be the same - his wife is ill and so he needs to cancel football and look after his child. Or it’s up to him to find another suitable relative/friend who is willing to look after the child so he can still attend football.

Even if you are fit and well he should be with his dc not swanning off to do whatever he wants. And to be pissed off with your answer! Major reset needed

I accidentally clicked YABU and it won’t let me change it!

YANBU

Its not much fun being out in the cold for 3 hours for a 5yo but DH will need to get a babysitter or only go for half the match (or not go at all).

How close can he park?
Could DS sit in the car in the warm and have an iPad and snacks.

Tbh I’m not sure how happy I’d be with my 5yo coming and no one watching them properly.

I wonder if he was hoping that you would come too or just assumed you’d say yes to looking after him and never had any intention of bringing him.

He sees his son every other weekend, and the weekend before Christmas his plan is to fuck off and play football, leaving his son to be looked after by his partner who has pneumonia. Is there no bottom to the man barrel?

Even if this was your own child it’s pretty bad. If I was unwell and my husband wasn’t doing something essential like working or looking after our other child at a party, I’d expect him to look after the child in question. It might be different if he had long standing plans (depending how unwell I was) but new plans… er no.

Yanbu. I would tell him HIS child HIS responsibility. Your not the nanny!

JFC absolutely no chance. Can’t believe he even asked

Husband should stay home and miss the match. Not because DSC isnt "your" child, I would expect a husband to stay home for shared children too.

Seriously?
Is this a joke?
This man is awful

I’m blown away at the suggestions that the child should sit in the car/on the bench for 3 hours.
wtaf? Have you missed that this father doesn’t live with his son, and spends a tiny amount of time with him anyway, and it’s the weekend before Christmas, and he’s at one of the best ages for the magic of Christmas?!?

a kid sitting on a bench is kinda fine in the middle of summer, with a parent they see often just having a little me time. This is a totally different situation.

Selfish man-child!

I’ve had pneumonia a few times. It’s brutal. You are quite right to say no, apart from the fact that he should not have asked! FFS. Not sure if this is typical, but what a selfish man your H is. Bet he wanted to go to the pub after too.

Even if it was your biological child he should take them with him or stay home, never mind a step child!

The prick isn’t even good enough to make the team. Shit father, shit partner, shit footballer 😂

Fuck that, his child = his responsibility.

Does your DP add value to your life? If not, get rid.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

@saraclara She's clearly quite ill, don't be a knob. It's perfectly clear once you read the post.

You're not unreasonable at all OP, he takes him or he doesn't go. End of. I'd also have a serious talk with him later about why he considers it acceptable and how he sees women's roles.

As you are unwell, and clearly (to everyone else, other than your partner) you aren't in any position to care for his son, then your partner pulls out of the charity match. The match didn't suddenly crop up, it's obviously been on the cards for a while, and as you've been unwell, your partner should have made alternative arrangements for his son. If he doesn't want to pull out of the charity match, then he finds someone else to care for his son. Some men are very good at putting themselves and their hobbies way before their family. It's selfish and immature. Your partner is responsible for his son, not you. It's your partner's weekend, yet he's prioritising himself over his son.

'Sorry lads, I can't do football today because I've got my kid staying over' are the words your husband is looking for.

Fling the cat in the pigeons and text his captain to say he can’t make it as he has to look after his child

Sadly this.

Surely he knew about the match long before this morning? Was he hoping that by springing it on you, you feel obligated to help?

I imagine this isn’t the only selfish thing he’s done, how often does he ask you to take care of his DS on his rare contact days? What is the split of household tasks like usually?

As above if you’re this ill and he’s only on the bench anyway he ought to be calling out of the match and staying home to take care of you.

you really need to take note of his behaviour and consider if this is the kind of person you want to be with long term.

Another one who thinks it is the pub afterwards that this man is more interested in.
He is not a good father or partner.