Arranged for a nanny to help me with bedtime today and she just didn't turn up!

[Nightnanny0019]

I'm absolutely frazzled. Toddler and a baby, both going through sleep regressions. The toddler is suspected SEN. For a week none of us have been getting much sleep. I'm a single parent and this past week I've been needing to stay with the toddler while getting her ready for bed. This has taken anywhere from 2hours to 5.5hours and lots crying and distress.

I found a nanny is a local FB group I'm in. She checked out. Experienced, DBS, qualifications etc. We exchanged numerous messages over the course of the last 24hrs. She even messaged to confirm that I'd see her at 6pm tonight.

6pm came and she didn't. I messaged at 6.15 checking if she was lost but no answer. 6.35 I messaged again asking if she eas coming and again no answer. Then 6.45 I asked her not to come if she wasn't able to get here before 7, only because it would may disrupt my toddler so close to the time I was trying to get into her cot.

I've still not heard from her. She has my address. Knows I live alone with 2 young kids. Should I be worried or am I too frazzled to be thinking straight?

Aw @Nightnanny0019 how awful for you.

But if she checked out ok, I’d assume she got a better offer, rather than her planning something nefarious.

But still a shitty thing to do though. I hope you can get some support soon 💐

Why would you be worried? It's perfectly reasonable to say if you are an hour late then don't bother coming. If she understands kids she should understand this.
I would not give her another chance either!

I’d be more pissed off than worried.

You got a nanny off Facebook?

Oh I'm sorry, I'm a single parent to a 14 month old who is a terrible sleeper and always has been, you are amazing for solo parenting two young ones. Are there any other suitable nannies who could help you tomorrow? I realise that cant help you tonight, but can give you something to aim for.

I agree with the above poster, I wouldn't necessarily jump to anything insidious.

Feel free to give me a message if you need someone in a similar position to speak through x

How very annoying and unprofessional

has she been online ?

assuming not been in an accident

I’ll be shot saying this but co sleeping is your friend here. Saved me in the depths of what you are currently going though

I think you need a personal recommendation from actual humans. Do either of the kids go to nursery? I know a couple of people who have asked the nursery staff if they do babysitting and they do. One person I know even had nursery staff there on her wedding day to look after the kids all day and make sure they were happy so that she and dad, and all the guests could have a good time, and interact with the kids without being "responsible" for them and taking them for naps etc.

Maybe not the best time of year to be asking though, lots of Christmas nights out happening today.

Sorry girl, she's ghosted you. Extremely unprofessional, so sorry as I know how hard it is with one sen kids and lack of sleep! xx

Did you speak to get referees? Would advise going through agency as hopefully less chance of this. FB is a lottery and you got a flake!

If you REALLY don't know anyone already in your friends and family circle and need to employ strangers, then actually I wouldn't want a stranger coming to my house having only been speaking to them online for 24 hours. Not that I think she's a threat, I think she was just unreliable and unprofessional.

I think for your own peace of mind, you need to ask a paid nanny or babysitter to come while you're there the first time, during the day. Go and have a bath while they're there, do all your ironing, do some work, make some calls, go to the local shops, watch a film etc. You need to build a relationship with them to be comfortable with them helping you at night time.

I agree. Dp was on permanent night shift so me and 3 dds all slept in the same bed, baby in a Moses basket. We all went to bed at the same time. I cba to fight bedtimes alone.

I’m screaming ‘CO SLEEP!’ at my phone.

I can only speak for me but my 14 month old has coslept since he was 5 months and is still up every 30 minutes, I wish it was the answer for us! 😅

Something may have happened to her.
Most people would make up an excuse at least.

What area are you in?

Have you had a look at home start?

I'd try bedsharing with them. Make sure to follow the safe sleep guidelines.

Same for us 😵‍💫
OP, nothing bad will happen, she’s a flake. But how frustrating for you, I hope you get other help sorted soon!

As a single parent I also co-slept.

I had a mattress on the floor (no bed available), baby gate on the door, covered all of the plug sockets and had safe toys.
Apart from a cot there was nothing else in the room so it was completely baby proofed.

I would put my DD to sleep in her cot then go to sleep on the mattress.
When she woke up I would give her a bottle, change her nappy then put her in bed with me.
She slept better when she was with me but also didn’t not wake me as much, as she’d get a toy and come and play alongside me whilst I napped.

I would do similar in your situation but I wouldn’t co-sleep with the baby.
I would just have the cot in the same room so you can get up, sort baby then go back to sleep.

I honestly can't imagine hiring a nanny from Facebook. It just wouldn't feel safe to me.

I'd suggest going through a nanny agency next time.

Well I would usually assume flaky. But last time I was "let down" by someone in this way they had actually had a terrible accident so I now give the benefit of the doubt.

This!

She wouldn't sleep if we coslept. I've tried! I'm currently mostly cosleeping with the 10 month old but he's still up every couple of hours!

Here was her last message to me:
No worries, I understand how busy it all gets. Yes perfect, I'll see you at 6pm 😊.

Of course, I'm happy to help, thank you for asking me to do so!.

Same here I look forward to meeting you, and giving you a more relaxed evening. ☺️

I hope nothing has happened to her!

I’d be a bit worried. Do you have a copy of her enhanced DBS with the DBS number and have you checked it on the update service? Otherwise I would be worried that something has happened to her and report it on 101 as a welfare check.

Co sleep.

My daughter slept in the next to me until she was 7 months. She had a very hard time transitioning to the cot after that. Lots of never ending crying and wake ups. We ended up moving the cot into our room and taking the side off the cot before attaching it to our bed! She still wasn't a fan of the cot, so now she's in our bed with a guard rail. Next step, is a floor mattress in her own room..

It’s Friday before Christmas..
Shes probably out living her life and thought it wasn’t worth it.