Arranged for a nanny to help me with bedtime today and she just didn't turn up!

[Nightnanny0019]

I'm absolutely frazzled. Toddler and a baby, both going through sleep regressions. The toddler is suspected SEN. For a week none of us have been getting much sleep. I'm a single parent and this past week I've been needing to stay with the toddler while getting her ready for bed. This has taken anywhere from 2hours to 5.5hours and lots crying and distress.

I found a nanny is a local FB group I'm in. She checked out. Experienced, DBS, qualifications etc. We exchanged numerous messages over the course of the last 24hrs. She even messaged to confirm that I'd see her at 6pm tonight.

6pm came and she didn't. I messaged at 6.15 checking if she was lost but no answer. 6.35 I messaged again asking if she eas coming and again no answer. Then 6.45 I asked her not to come if she wasn't able to get here before 7, only because it would may disrupt my toddler so close to the time I was trying to get into her cot.

I've still not heard from her. She has my address. Knows I live alone with 2 young kids. Should I be worried or am I too frazzled to be thinking straight?

@Nightnanny0019 I've no advice to give. I've been where you are and all I can say is it's just a phase. A really hard one but one that will pass.

Like the flip of a switch they are going to get used to eachother and they won't want to sleep without eachother.

I found cutting out the midday nap worked for my toddler and bringing the bedtime hour way forward to like 7.

The only way you can sleep with the both of them now is to get them used to sleeping together. Keep trying and it'll work.

Toddler is going to get used to baby and begin to dote on it and will like having baby there.

It's about survival and what works for you don't let anyone shame you, we're all trying our best. You're doing fantastic to be doing all this on no sleep.

And look the perfect parade will totally object but whatever, if you're stuck in the bedroom with a sleeping baby and a toddler going to have a meltdown, I'm sorry but break out the tablet and let them watch a bit of winnie the pooh or something calming. Basically whatever takes the drama and struggle out of bedtime do it. They're growing and changing everyday and at the minute they're both needing some extra comfort so put the rules out the window and do what works for you. Cut yourself some slack.

I’m glad there was a good reason as it did seem very strange

for those who think it’s strange to get a nanny off fb. Why ?

im admin on such a group locally

obv parents need to check the nanny’s dbs, ref and that’s they have pli and first aid but really no diff form using an agency - if they do the right checks

I call bullshit, sorry. She didn't feel like coming for some reason and has made this up so you don't leave a bad review. I have my phone all the time, everyone does. She would have texted when she got the pain or on way to hospital etc.

Obviously you can't say any of this without looking like an arsehole and she knows it.

Sounds exactly like the last two electricians I booked who both said they’d be there the next day and then didn’t show or reply to texts. The UK is full of flakes

I agree the appendicitis is likely to be fictional but you can't challenge it.

I've mostly only read OP's posts so sorry if this has already been suggested, but one thing that might help you @Nightnanny0019 is to reconsider the timing of bath. Making the connection that your toddler may have SEN of some kind, some neurodiverse brains experience bathtime as a massive stimulation that takes a long time to calm down from. We found it really helped out SEN child to not have bath immediately before bed.

You described your current routine as
We tidy up together, dim the lights around 6.30/7pm to read/quiet play. Then I bath her, brush her teeth, in her sleep sack and in the cot.

I would suggest that instead it should be bath time as early as you can practically manage it after supper, then have reading/quiet play after bath. Or if you have rime in your morning routing, reset the main daily wash to be in the morning, with just a top and tail wipe at night.

Have you tried opening the cot/moving to a toddler bed? I know it can be daunting as they can more easily get up and out, but actually it solved my daughter's naps (which she'd been resisting for 6 months) and made bedtime routine much easier too

personally, I would not start co-sleeping.