Arranged for a nanny to help me with bedtime today and she just didn't turn up!

[Nightnanny0019]

I'm absolutely frazzled. Toddler and a baby, both going through sleep regressions. The toddler is suspected SEN. For a week none of us have been getting much sleep. I'm a single parent and this past week I've been needing to stay with the toddler while getting her ready for bed. This has taken anywhere from 2hours to 5.5hours and lots crying and distress.

I found a nanny is a local FB group I'm in. She checked out. Experienced, DBS, qualifications etc. We exchanged numerous messages over the course of the last 24hrs. She even messaged to confirm that I'd see her at 6pm tonight.

6pm came and she didn't. I messaged at 6.15 checking if she was lost but no answer. 6.35 I messaged again asking if she eas coming and again no answer. Then 6.45 I asked her not to come if she wasn't able to get here before 7, only because it would may disrupt my toddler so close to the time I was trying to get into her cot.

I've still not heard from her. She has my address. Knows I live alone with 2 young kids. Should I be worried or am I too frazzled to be thinking straight?

Last night was an absolute nightmare. I cannot tell you how desperate I was. I do have a nanny I've used for 4 months (and known for 11 years!) but she's away for Christmas.

Thanks for all the responses.

In OP's circumstances, I'd co-sleep. Any port in a storm. Decent sleep makes all the difference in the world.

Me too, I co-slept as a single parent with no harm done.

Please look up home start or bumble.

Sleep deprivation is awful!

I've had a nanny ghost us, she'd been once and then didn't turn up the second time! Just unprofessional - why not just give an excuse.
I would suggest trying a sling for the baby and containment of some sort for the toddler (baby gate if they won't stay in a cot) so you don't need to chase the toddler around the house. If you are just sitting there with the baby not saying anything then it might get boring enough for the toddler to go to sleep.

I slept with my children in my bed for years. It saved us all so much grief.

I would be worried that something had happened to the nanny.

But I've been in a situation where someone didn't show and we were all a bit annoyed and it turned out she'd been killed in a car accident on way over so that's where my mind goes.

Hopefully, she'll get back to you tomorrow to at least put your mind at rest. Best case scenario she's just unreliable.

A nanny agency doesn't do anything you can't do yourself. It's not like have access to a special database.

Co sleeping is not automatically the answer. It doesn’t solve shit sleepers and often ensures that you don’t get any sleep yourself because you’re being booted by a toddler all night. Anyway …

Advice on here is often to find a teenager or similar and this is why I think it’s bad advice. Reliability is absolutely key and realistically that’s hard on just some Facebook messages, I’m sure it’s fine from a safety point of view but I would be cautious in the future.

Sending hugs. I’m a single mother and both of mine were horrendous sleepers.

The only thing that worked for me was cutting out their nap. Both of them by 18 months were fighting naps. I simply stopped putting them down for them and they started going to sleep easily at 6/7. Before that it would be an hour at least of screaming every bedtime.

Try and avoid any car journeys or long buggy rides in the afternoon. Also co-sleep. Not ideal but it’s the only way I know I’ll get an undisrupted nights sleep.

Regarding the nanny that is really rude of her. If she has a review page I would leave one on it.

It wouldn't be a random person on Facebook and the would have nannies sign up and do thorough checks.

Facebook is just way too casual a place for me to get a nanny from.

Agencies get nannies from facebook too though.
The 'thorough checks' are no different to what a parent would do, DBS, ID, hopefully take up references.
Parents should always do their own checks even when using an agency as often they aren't as thorough as they should be.

For the short term, maybe, but would create long term problems for the OP

I'd check to make sure she had not had an accident or something, and then warn the group.

I’d be raging.

I was thinking this too.
This is what my single mum friend did when she had a baby & toddler, all together in a king sized floor bed

Exactly, it just costs more 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Worried about what? I presume other people know you live there too

Oh I feel you!

when my youngest was 18 months she developed a very rare illness after a bout of chicken pox. I had 3 years of barely any sleep

i would of done anything for sleep including probably getting a nanny off Facebook!

I wouldn’t worry but keep an eye out

but co sleeping. Saved me. Truly saved me.

You need to move everything upstairs. Stop trying to make your babies sleep by themselves in 2 separate rooms. You need to co sleep with them both and all get a good night's sleep. You only have yourself to worry about, so sleep together and you will all sleep

But OP was there. Just wanted another lair of hands at bedtime due to the circumstances. So I don’t think there was a danger

I'm amazed at how many FB posts there are on local groups asking for a nanny/someone to collect DC from school and look after them for a few hours.

Has worked well for us. Invited them round for a cup of tea and a chat. Had a few for years this way and cheaper than agency.

But the agency do the basics for you and the nanny show up as ordered if you don't have the energy to sort it yourself. I ordered one from an agency for a night out to babysit at the hotel in a city we knew no nannies. It was a brilliant service

A nanny of Facebook? Really?