Arranged for a nanny to help me with bedtime today and she just didn't turn up!

[Nightnanny0019]

I'm absolutely frazzled. Toddler and a baby, both going through sleep regressions. The toddler is suspected SEN. For a week none of us have been getting much sleep. I'm a single parent and this past week I've been needing to stay with the toddler while getting her ready for bed. This has taken anywhere from 2hours to 5.5hours and lots crying and distress.

I found a nanny is a local FB group I'm in. She checked out. Experienced, DBS, qualifications etc. We exchanged numerous messages over the course of the last 24hrs. She even messaged to confirm that I'd see her at 6pm tonight.

6pm came and she didn't. I messaged at 6.15 checking if she was lost but no answer. 6.35 I messaged again asking if she eas coming and again no answer. Then 6.45 I asked her not to come if she wasn't able to get here before 7, only because it would may disrupt my toddler so close to the time I was trying to get into her cot.

I've still not heard from her. She has my address. Knows I live alone with 2 young kids. Should I be worried or am I too frazzled to be thinking straight?

Hey OP, so sorry it’s tough. Lone parent here too, have been for 15 years.
My SEN DD16 was a tough one. I had to stop her naps earlier than usual because of sleep issues. I did co-sleep a lot until she was 4 but it’s not a panacea. I found she responded well to me talking in a low voice (like telling a story without a book) we had a projector too which she found relaxing. I spent many hours outside in soul destroying playgrounds as she definitely responded well to fresh air (I took a flask of tea to make it less depressing 🤣)

Honestly it was the toughest time, I work full time and had to travel for work so also had a live in which was great but also is not a panacea as they just want you.

So sorry you were let down. I hope today is better. DD is now 16 and had hand crank her out of bed today at 12.30…she’s been sleeping really well since she was at primary so take heart it does get better!

My thoughts exactly.

Go through an agency rather than FB that way you know the person you are employing as you have to set her up as an employee it’s not like having a babysitter.

I've just received a message from her partner to say she was hospitalised with appendicitis yesterday!

Poor woman. At least you don't have to feel despondent about human nature. I hope you find a nanny soon.

Another agree for co-sleeping. Lone parent to a child with additional needs and the only way either of us got any sleep.

I do not recommend co sleeping! Have none of you read ‘I can’t get my child to sleep in their own beds’ threads?? And is the OP expected to go to sleep the same time as her toddler?
I became a widow when my kids were 4 and 6, and my DH was away 120 nights a year before then so well used to putting two kids to bed.
OP I’m not sure it’s a good idea for the first time you use someone new is to have them cope with a fraught night time routine. This person is obviously unreliable and I wouldn’t give them a second thought other than to complain to them how unprofessional they were.
Is there such a thing as a sleep coach?

That's makes so such more sense. I'm glad her husband let you know. Bless her, I hope she is recovering well 🙏

OP if you think her teeth are playing up have you given her some calpol before bed?
Sleep deprivation is horrific, I hope things improve soon.

Well, a friend of mine was widowed when her baby was six months old. Difficult things can happen in life.

Even if your assumption about the OPs circumstances was true, does it fucking matter? it's not the point. Unless you've got use of a time machine to loan, what is your post offering other than judgement?

You are clearly suggesting the OP should not have had at least one of her children. Should she shove one back in now? Both? Adoption? Euthanasia?

Back off, open the Quality Street and watch a Christmas movie. Being this judgemental especially at this time of year must make you miserable.

A nanny not turning up for work is not a police matter. You should exhaust all other possibilities before involving the police

Glad you found out what happened.

Always good to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Ahhh! Your gut was right.

“And she's incredibly jealous of any affection I show to her brother“.

My 3 yo DD is the same. I have an 8 month old and she regressed massively once I started co sleeping with him. I wasn’t sure if it was a coincidence but it was a bloody nightmare! I started to pretend he was sleeping in his own cot and she calmed right off. Could be a coincidence but might be worth a try.

eta… I’ve just read one of your posts about iron! I added an iron supplement a few months ago and made the mistake of giving it at night. It took her HOURS to go to sleep. A Dr (family friend) said to only give it in the morning as it gives children an energy boost, it really did make all the difference.

This is nonsense. It's great you've never had to do it, but it is the normak thing to do in a lot of counties around the world and is becoming more accepted as a way of sleeping with babies, and children, if needed, in the UK. Of course children will want their own space eventually, yes it may take longer for some, but for others it can be a smooth transition to their own sleep space. Why do we expect babies and children to sleep alone when we, as adults, like to sleep next to someone.

Where in the south east OP? I’m in West Kent, have three grown up kids and am DBS checked as I work in a school. I would happily come and help with bedtime (can’t stay overnight).

At least you know why she was a no show now.

Having a SEN DC who won’t sleep is hard. I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is with a younger baby and being on your own too

If DD is assessed and gets a diagnosis then you can ask for Melatonin although some MNers do buy it online. We’ve found the slow release to work best.

If she’s got molars coming through, have you tried her with Ibruprofen just after her tea? It’s good for dental pain.

You’ve probably done this already but my SEN DC needed a lot of sleep associations. So the same light show and music every single time. A weighted blanket also helped.

If she’s alao refusing naps in her cot i would try and change the naps to somewhere else.

Maybe i'm just a bitch but I don't know if I'd believe the appendicitis thing. These days people have their phone with them all the time, even when they go to hospital with suspected appendicitis. If I was that nanny I would have texted you in the A&E waiting room to say where I was and that I wouldn't be coming. I think appendicitis pain comes on over a few hours, she definitely would have had some kind of idea that she wouldn't be coming before she even went to hospital.

I’d be pissed off - she could have let you know, no matter the reason.

Welcome to the real world.

Sorry you are going through this.

I'm solo mum. Still have to do shopping for Christmas... 2 days left...

Who gives a fuck, Better than the OP who'se brother that eats the complete house food with his wife too.

My thoughts too

I know someone who couldn't be arsed going to work one day, so she said her brother had died suddenly.

When I got it I thought I just had bad IBS cramps. It did hurt but that wasn’t unusual for me. Only caught it because I was about to go scuba diving and when I said I was having some pains they told me I needed a medic sign off and well… the medic wouldn’t sign me off.