Shingles bell for xmas and Mil

[arcticpandas]

My 15 y old son has got the shingles. My Mil says he can't come to hers because she's afraid. I have told her it is not contagieus unless she licks his back (only on back) because she has already had chicken pox as has the rest of the family.

She is convinced that it is contagieus even though I have sent her nhs links "oh, I don't care about the net" because she is adamant she got it from someone in her thirties and it was extremely painful. She does anecdotal evidence rather than scientific ex insists on antibiotics for viral infections so you can't reason with her. She's normally a lovely woman and a wonderful grandma but my son is so sad if he has to stay home for christmas (with me ofcourse). Personally I don't care but since christmas is important for him I'm frustrated with her stance on this. So DH and ds2 will go and ds1 will he heartbroken. To add: he's autistic and very immature, I doubt his brother would be as upset as him for ex.

Am I unreasonable to think that Mil should follow scientific guidance rather than her own "experiences"?

(And why didn't she get the vaccine when she went to have her covid and flu jab if she's so worried about it- they do all three and it's on a big sign in our pharmacy we both go to).

Really? They gave it to me when I was a 32 year old super fit crossfitter -and my case was not particularly painful or bad. Unfortunately, the medication made me feel worse than shingles!!!!

You can't catch shingles. You can only catch chicken pox.

Not everyone can have the shingles vaccine. You have it at 65 or 70 if you were over 65 when it was introduced. Having chicken pox does not make you immune to shingles

There is absolutely no way I would be ok with DH and DS2 going on their own and splitting the family up on Christmas Day. Either you all go, or all stay and have a cosy Christmas at home.

Its having chickenpox that puts you at risk of shingles as the virus reactivates

You dont catch shingles!
You develop it after having chickenpox in the past

Does MIL then think that your dh and other child would not carry any risk ,them being in the same house as your son, if she is so sure it is contagous ?

For the millionth time you DO NOT catch shingles from someone else. If you are over 50 and can afford it, you can buy shingles vaccine privately.

But she doesn’t mind your son being devastated….

Sorry but both you and DH are being very unreasonable to put your MIL’s Christmas above your own. Stay at home the four of you. DH can go over with well DS on Boxing Day.

You’ve misunderstood - shingles is a reactivation of the chicken pox virus from a previous infection. The reactivation can occur randomly for various reasons but you can’t catch shingles directly.

Someone with no immunity to the chicken pox virus could catch a primary chicken pox infection from someone with shingles, but otherwise it’s not contagious.

You cannot catch shingles. You can catch chickenpox. Chickenpox never truly leaves the body - it hides out for ever. Occasionally if somebody is a bit run down or has a glitch in their immune system it breaks through and you get shingles. If you get shingles it is your own chickenpox breaking through, not something you caught from somebody else. It is very likely that your MIL has had chickenpox in her past. Still you can't reason with stupid.

By the way, very fast antivirals can absolutely stop shingles in its tracks. The possibity though of prompt medical attention in the UK seems to be less likely than seeing a unicorn in your garden. Children can also be vaccinated against chicken pox thus hopefully avoiding any possibility of chickenpox or shingles in their future.

I think you should all stay home and leave your ignorant MIL to the solitary Christmas she wants for her grandson.

Surely you all go or none of you go.

That's the whole point. You literally can't have shingles if you haven't had chicken pox because shingles is a reactivation of the virus (varicella zoster) that causes chicken pox.

• Someone who has chicken pox can spread chicken pox to someone who hasn't had it.
• Someone who has shingles can spread chicken pox to someone who hasn't had it, if the rash is still weeping and they are in contact with the fluid from the blisters.
• Someone who has shingles can't spread shingles to anyone.

Shingles is normally confined to a particular area of the body because it reactivates along a nerve pathway.

@arcticpandas how would MIL respond if you offered to put a dressing over the rash, so your DS has a double layer of protection from spreading any fluid?

When I had shingles, I had it on my back. The practice nurse told me I could go to work (in a Scottish high school). However, Mum was in hospital at the time and the Charge Nurse told me I couldn't go in.

Although rare you can have chicken pox twice, my nephew has had chicken pox twice. With the second time being in contact with someone with shingles.

Honestly, if my own child had shingles, I would not risk having them visit their elderly grandparents, having experienced my own nephew getting the chicken pox for a second time.

I'm not sure how shingles is spread to someone to get chicken pox but pretty sure you don't have to lick them to which you have referred to.

Then this needs to be a message to stand firm and stand up for your son. You cant split the family up on xmas day, especially if he has autism. I can understand her fear but by her very own unfactual knowledge, you are all shingle vessels....

And if DH doesnt have his own sons back, then thats another thread entirely!

I’m really confused by the split your closest family up on Xmas day approach. Nobody should go, and even more so as she’s already got company. She’ll have to make do with them if she’s being so unreasonable (and she is as isn’t listening to facts). I’d actually be pissed off if my husband chose to go. How very odd in terms of his priorities.

100% agree DH stays home with other child and you have a family Christmas. Kids massively prefer to be in their own house at Xmas anyway

You are being very considerate of your MIL. I guess the main thing is your son is old enough to begin to understand that people will worry more about their health as they get older, and this can affect plans. E. G. If she was at risk of pneumonia and one of you had a terrible cold, they would probably not go. I appreciate it’s harder for your son than your other child but maybe it’s a good thing to know it can happen that plans have to change sometimes because of an older person’s health. I imagine it will become more likely to happen again as years go by. I hope you all have a great day.

It depends how bad the chickenpox was… I have had chicken pox about 5 times and I’ve had shingles a fair few times (once in my eye, was horrible!!) but I have a very compromised immune system. You can catch chicken pox more than once though.

Ironically, it’s low grade repeat exposure to chicken pox virus in the child population that boosts the elderly community’s immunity and helps to prevent shingles. Allegedly this is part of the reason the NHS was reluctant to roll out chicken pox vaccinations for children - anticipating an increase in shingles cases.

Catching chicken pox twice is rare. Often what appears to be chicken pox for the second time is in fact a primary infection and the original illness was something else that mimicked chicken pox. Otherwise, it can only happen with a failure of immune response following the first infection. As the OP’s MIL has had shingles, we know that this wasn’t the case with her so I would suggest the chance of her catching chicken pox for a second time at this stage is basically zero.

Has she had chickenpox? Has everyone else who will be there had chickenpox?

It's possible to catch chickenpox from a person with shingles. "A person with shingles can pass the varicella-zoster virus to anyone who isn't immune to chickenpox...Once infected, though, the person will develop chickenpox rather than shingles. Chickenpox can be dangerous for some people. Until your shingles blisters scab over, you are contagious. Avoid physical contact with anyone who hasn't yet had chickenpox or the chickenpox vaccine. That includes people with weakened immune systems..." From https ://www dot mayoclinic dot org/diseases-conditions/shingles/symptoms-causes/syc-20353054

Anyway, your family can just stay home and have Christmas together, seems a nice simple solution.

I first had shingles 15 years ago after being in contact with someone with it. I definitely believe thats where I got it. I have had it several times since and its awful. The older you get the worse it is. Can lead to nerve damage. I can understand her fear. You should all stay home.