Explain that working from home is WORKING

[wfhorwtf]

I work a desk based job where I'm on my laptop most of the day doing fairly intense analytical work. It's mostly quiet, maybe three or four short calls a day with colleagues, and everything else happens over email or teams. The rest of the time I need proper, uninterrupted concentration to write code, analyse data, read documents and produce updates and reports. I work from what used to be the box room, now repurposed as a home office.

My partner has recently moved in. He's worked manual trades all his life and has never really needed a computer, either for work or leisure. To the point where he doesn't even know how to type on a keyboard (non-phone one I mean). The problem is that he's currently between jobs, gets bored, and feels like I'm ignoring him. He'll call out to me several times an hour to ask my opinion on something, show me a funny video, or give me updates about some friends or political news. It’s all well-natured, but even a quick interruption completely breaks my concentration. Watching a 10 sec video can easily cost me 10 min of getting back into the zone. Maybe that's just how my brain works, or age.

This has been worse over the last few days because of Christmas prep on top of the usual household chores. To be clear, I do my share of the festive slog, though if I'm honest he probably does more. I just tend to do it in the evenings, which is also when he'd rather relax or do something fun together.

We had a heated conversation this morning, and it became clear that he genuinely doesn't understand that I'm actually WORKING. Not out of malice, he simply doesn't have a reference point for this kind of work. Compared me to one of his exes who was constantly scrolling social media on her phone and ignored him. From his perspective, I'm "doing nothing" all day and just staring at a screen, while he's busy with visible and tangible tasks. I'm trying to get everything wrapped up before a mandatory two week Christmas furlough at work.

How do I explain that just because my job doesn't look busy from the outside doesn't mean it isn't?

My ex did a manual job and told me that my WFH full time nhs job was not proper work .
he had no respect for my work and often berated WFH.
I think it was a combination of jealousy and him being a bit thick .

I definitely think having a sign on door( working! do not disturb) , and noise cancelling headphones for when you aren't available.
And a Frank conversation around boundaries.

I think people just assume you have a few free minutes- I don’t know how ye will both figure it out but I know it’s a thing I hear about all the time! When I’m home it’s hard not to pop in but I don’t as I’ve had that lecture 😅

It sounds as if you have a massive child living in your home now. Is this really what you want?

Lock the door. Then he won't be able to see if you are sitting 'just thinking.' Lock the door.

But it doesn't matter if he doesn't understand. It doesn't matter. He just has to accept it and do as he's told. Might he, by any chance be one of those people who, if you ask them not to do something, they do it even more? There are many, many such people and sometimes they're cute.

If you have been entertaining him whenever he interrupts your work then how is he supposed to know that it isn’t ok?

The defence he came up with when things got heated is just that, a defence of his actions when you suddenly changed the rules.

Lay out the terms - when I am at my desk I am not available. At all, zero communication. If I want a drink/food/comfort break I will come out.

This used to be me, my DH is a HGV driver, and used to constantly interrupt me couldn't understand why I couldn't chat about his day when I had notes to review and cross reference.
Using a work scenario worked for me. He was complaining about a car that kept slowing down then speeding up in front of him making him late for his next drop and said how frustrating it was, I agreed that it was frustrating when people slowed you down and interrupted your progress then stared at him pointedly. It was like a light bulb went off in his head. He still does it sometimes without thinking but I just ignore him and he goes away.

Why on earth should she? It's her house. If it's a problem for him that she's working from home, then he either needs to get a job or move out.

i take it you didnt read her posts?

I'm a childminder. The constant "ah it must be nice just playing everyday" and "do you think you'll ever go back to work" make me absolutely furious.

🤣🤣🤣 surely they are joking?! I know l couldn’t hack it as a childminder! It’s tough work and a long day

Honestly. Multiple comments like this, some from the actual parents 💀

This sounds like a take your child to work day.

He should not need to be shown OPs work and calendar, and just respect that she's working during these times and not to interrupt her.

I read her posts but I'm not sure you did. He's the problem, not her. It's her house he's moved into and now he's interrupting her work. Why on earth should she go somewhere else to work? He needs to get a job and respect her work.

Yanbu i battle this too but with extended family saying 'if you are wfh on x day we will pop in for a coffee' they think wfh is in inverted commas and its not the same intensity as being in the office, but it is for me. Yanbu at all!