To go on sick leave from stressful job due to infertility?

[TruthHurts10]

I’ve been at my call centre job for 6 months. It’s my first proper full-time job. Prior to that I’ve been either travelling or in uni and doing part-time jobs. It’s a car insurance company in the customer services department. I have been performing well since starting and am the top agent in my team.

I’ve lived with my partner for 3 years and we’ve been trying for a baby for a year and nothing has happened. We are only in our mid-20s. I am being investigated for endometriosis due to severe ovulation pain that has me convinced I’m dying each month. I’ve recently had a blood test that shows I have an under-active thyroid and high prolactin, both of which are essentially working as a natural contraceptive. I also have low AMH for my age which means my eggs aren’t the quality they should be. I was expecting the endometriosis as it runs in my family but since the news about my blood test results came in a week ago I have been a complete and utter wreck. I am heartbroken and devastated. My hormones are all over the place and I’m literally growing a mustache and hair in places where women shouldn’t have hair and have teenage acne, it makes me feel utterly shit and insecure, that has all happened in the last few months.

I had no annual leave left from work so I’ve been working ever since the blood results and I’m spiralling I think. I’ve been very short with customers today and as a result getting called an arsehole, bitch, being given death threats etc. Today and yesterday I’ve had a panic attack after calls. It is constant, back to back calls between 8-6:30 with only a 30 min lunch break. With Christmas coming up the customers are in financial difficulty and are being extra nasty. I had given up drinking a year ago for TTC but tonight DP is on night shift and I’ve bought a bottle of wine and binged a load of chocolate.

My GP has said that whilst there does appear to be hormonal/physical issues contributing to my infertility, my blood results have shown induction of chronic stress (particularly the high prolactin which was off the charts). I feel so so sick at the thought of going in tomorrow and I just can’t face it. I feel like I’m at the stage where one straw will break the camels back. Infertility was always my worst nightmare in life. I know there’s more to life than babies but I am one of those girls who grew up always dreaming about being a mum, looked forward to it, longed for it etc. I’m utterly broken. My job makes all the admin of infertility impossible, phone appointments from GP’s etc take months because even if I arrange a call during my break I end up stuck on a call and missing it and have to have it again a month later.

I explained all of this to DP and said I want to ask my GP to sign me off sick (with a view to looking for another job in a couple of months time), and he was really not happy and said I need to get a grip and accept we might have a long fertility journey ahead and life goes on. He also had valid concerns about us needing to save money for the baby we want to have. We have savings but we are using them for a house deposit. If I could get SSP I wouldn’t be able to continue to save but it would cover my share of the monthly bills. DP also mentioned my current company’s generous mat leave (6 months full pay) but I think that’s hardly worth thinking about if I never get to use it. DP also said if I really am on the verge of a breakdown then it’s wrong to TTC but I disagree with this as I am rational and sane, I am just stuck in one of the most miserable jobs and just recently received devastating news about my fertility. I wouldn’t be going off sick from this job so I can sit at home all day doing nothing. I’d probably take a few weeks to de-compress and engage in my hobbies (cooking, baking, getting out in the countryside and hiking) and relax, book in some of the appointments I need to etc, and then start looking for another job.

AIBU? Or do I need to get a grip?

Ask your GP to prescribe medication for under active thyroid. That is what is making you feel crap. Once you get that sorted you will feel better. In the meantime you won't get pregnant while your thyroid level is too low. Your job, although you might not really like it you can do it well as best performer. Concentrate on doing well at work. Unemployment has now reached 5 percent and still rising. If you get signed off sick for stress it will impact your ability to get another job because a new company will ask you about sickness absence. You have only been working for 6 months so don't have a good work history to fall back on. You are not sick, you are upset and disappointed. Medication will improve this. If you lose your job you won't be able to afford a baby.

Patronising.

Thyroid issues make you feel like absolute shit op, definitely keep on top of that!

Something isn’t adding up here.

Youre in a call centre, six months in, earning enough to cover rent and bills with £800 a month leftover?

You’ve only worked for 6 months in your life and frankly need to get a grip! This is LIFE and work is part of life!

Call centre work is hell, I did it at various places for 5 years when I was starting out. It's noisy, repetitive and you're stuck at a desk without moving for 7+ hours a day. Everything is so strictly monitored and targeted. I remember a colleague once threw up all over their desk and the manager was being a dick about letting them go home. You're made to feel like cattle in a way I've not experienced in other customer service jobs.

I would sign off sick (and have in the past) and look for a different type of role. Cleaning, waitressing, retail are all jobs I would go for over call centre.

As someone who has been through infertility I can see both sides to this. I worked all through my ivf and took 1 day off for egg collection that was it. I don’t think stress actually affects fertility as much as people think it does. I preferred working to take my mind off things . If I had taken time off work I would have been sitting at home ruminating about things which would be worse for me. But then again I don’t hate my job . It sounds to me like you need to look for a new job. You are only 25 and if you are having a baby you also need to focus on building your career. Quitting a job leaves gaps you need to explain in an interview. I would focus on getting a new job. If you do need to take off sick for a short while with all this going that’s ok too. You don’t have to explain why you are off sick , it’s frankly none of their business. But that’s not a long term solution to the problem.

You're very young. Sort your job situation out - it sounds like sales is not for you (and wouldn't be for a lot of people). Then when you are less stressed and in a job you like, start trying again. Good luck.

Don’t give up your job if you can possibly hang onto it. Try and keep going until Christmas and then rest up over the break. Get your medication sorted, take care of yourself and start looking for something else. You need stable health, job and home before trying for a baby, they’re lovely but also very expensive and hard work as I’m sure you know and you will need to be firing on all cylinders as a new mum.

@ifeelsounwell and have £20k in savings

Sorry you’re suffering - I know this pain well. But honestly, with medication and potentially a bit of support down the track, you will likely be fine. You need to focus on getting your stress down and supporting yourself emotionally x

In six months of working!

No it isn't patronising! Its straight talking!

How about you get a grip and learn to read a full post and before on spouting a load of shite. I’ve worked since I was 15 whilst studying. I was doing 11 hour shifts in a care whilst doing my A-Levels and been a support worker for children with profound disabilities. But yeah I’m lazy and don’t know what it is to work! P*ss off

I’ve been working 10 years and saving up intensely. HTH. Sorry if you think I don’t deserve my savings just because I don’t have a glamorous job

god there’s some absolute vipers on this website, your poor kids if you have them!

Snowflake Generation. Get. A .Grip

Haha. Did you fight in the trenches in world war 1 or are you one of those post-war generation people who could buy a house and raise a family on one salary? Snowflake generation my arse

well when I do have a baby at least I know never to come back on mumsnet. Absolutely vile

Tbf OP in the first line of your opening post you say this is your first full time job?

I also said I’ve worked part time alongside studying. Even when travelling I have been working. Am I supposed to have had a full time job since I was 15? I’ve done A-Levels, an undergraduate degree and a masters and worked all the way through it in care.

are you jealous or something? do you want me to send them to you, is that why you’re so arsed?

I’m logging out now because I’m speechless. My own doctor has said he’s surprised how well I’m coping considering my thyroid levels and told me I need to reduce my stress and yet according to some of these posters I’m a lazy twat.

Thank you for all the kind responses among the vitriol. Probably should’ve posted in the fertility section. I don’t mind the honest responses that said sick leave was an overreaction, I understand that part and ended up agreeing with it. But some people have come on here just for the sake of being nasty and kicking someone when they are down.

Your partner has been very harsh. Do you use the "Flo" app to track your periods? I would question does he really want children? Start job looking and go off sick for a few weeks. Then go back.

I’m sorry you have been going through such a hard time and getting so much grief on here, I actually don’t think you are being unreasonable. You need to take care of yourself, it’s so important!

I think a lots of people don’t understand how traumatising infertility can be and it affects all aspects of your life. This is not an easy time of year. I took a couple of weeks off work with stress in the middle of our journey and also reduced my hours to less than full time. Was the best decision for me and I felt like I could breathe again.

Maybe try posting in the infertility section in the future, hopefully you’ll be met with more understanding!