To go on sick leave from stressful job due to infertility?

[TruthHurts10]

I’ve been at my call centre job for 6 months. It’s my first proper full-time job. Prior to that I’ve been either travelling or in uni and doing part-time jobs. It’s a car insurance company in the customer services department. I have been performing well since starting and am the top agent in my team.

I’ve lived with my partner for 3 years and we’ve been trying for a baby for a year and nothing has happened. We are only in our mid-20s. I am being investigated for endometriosis due to severe ovulation pain that has me convinced I’m dying each month. I’ve recently had a blood test that shows I have an under-active thyroid and high prolactin, both of which are essentially working as a natural contraceptive. I also have low AMH for my age which means my eggs aren’t the quality they should be. I was expecting the endometriosis as it runs in my family but since the news about my blood test results came in a week ago I have been a complete and utter wreck. I am heartbroken and devastated. My hormones are all over the place and I’m literally growing a mustache and hair in places where women shouldn’t have hair and have teenage acne, it makes me feel utterly shit and insecure, that has all happened in the last few months.

I had no annual leave left from work so I’ve been working ever since the blood results and I’m spiralling I think. I’ve been very short with customers today and as a result getting called an arsehole, bitch, being given death threats etc. Today and yesterday I’ve had a panic attack after calls. It is constant, back to back calls between 8-6:30 with only a 30 min lunch break. With Christmas coming up the customers are in financial difficulty and are being extra nasty. I had given up drinking a year ago for TTC but tonight DP is on night shift and I’ve bought a bottle of wine and binged a load of chocolate.

My GP has said that whilst there does appear to be hormonal/physical issues contributing to my infertility, my blood results have shown induction of chronic stress (particularly the high prolactin which was off the charts). I feel so so sick at the thought of going in tomorrow and I just can’t face it. I feel like I’m at the stage where one straw will break the camels back. Infertility was always my worst nightmare in life. I know there’s more to life than babies but I am one of those girls who grew up always dreaming about being a mum, looked forward to it, longed for it etc. I’m utterly broken. My job makes all the admin of infertility impossible, phone appointments from GP’s etc take months because even if I arrange a call during my break I end up stuck on a call and missing it and have to have it again a month later.

I explained all of this to DP and said I want to ask my GP to sign me off sick (with a view to looking for another job in a couple of months time), and he was really not happy and said I need to get a grip and accept we might have a long fertility journey ahead and life goes on. He also had valid concerns about us needing to save money for the baby we want to have. We have savings but we are using them for a house deposit. If I could get SSP I wouldn’t be able to continue to save but it would cover my share of the monthly bills. DP also mentioned my current company’s generous mat leave (6 months full pay) but I think that’s hardly worth thinking about if I never get to use it. DP also said if I really am on the verge of a breakdown then it’s wrong to TTC but I disagree with this as I am rational and sane, I am just stuck in one of the most miserable jobs and just recently received devastating news about my fertility. I wouldn’t be going off sick from this job so I can sit at home all day doing nothing. I’d probably take a few weeks to de-compress and engage in my hobbies (cooking, baking, getting out in the countryside and hiking) and relax, book in some of the appointments I need to etc, and then start looking for another job.

AIBU? Or do I need to get a grip?

Not the point of the post but are you working 8-6.30 5 days a week? That’s nuts. 50
hours a week?

or is some of that overtime

I was just thinking if you are working those sorts of hours surely that would be across 4 days not 5. But then you mention going down to 4 days. If you really are working 50 hours a week then yes you should apply to work 80%.

I don’t think the OP is saying that she is struggling with her MH directly due to the call centre job, the core issue is the impact/fear of her infertility diagnosis (as evidenced by the fact that she has consistently been a high performer, so obviously managing well until she got this news). It was exactly the same for me, I coped absolutely fine with the daily pressures of teaching for many years until my personal life imploded due to TTC, and I resigned within the year from a job I thought I would be doing forever. Sometimes, the job is just the ‘cherry on the cake’ of a broader situation you are struggling to cope with, but the only thing that is actually within your control to change.

I appreciate that you have clearly been on your own fertility journey, and that everyone’s experiences are different, but personally I have found having a newborn infinitely easier (and a lot more fulfilling!) than trudging through infertility combined with a triggering, stressful job, at what is an immensely difficult time of year for anyone wishing for a baby of their own.

There is nothing in OP’s post history to make me think she isn’t ready to make an amazing mum- not least because she has saved such a staggering sum of money in such a short period of working full time. I wish I had your financial acumen, OP, and PPs are definitely right that it will stand you in great stead for the future and hopefully imminent mat leave etc 💐

Do you plan to work when you have children or are you hoping to be a sahm?

I have two older teenagers now and have worked full-time since my first was born (I had less than 11 months maternity leave for both of them, lots of people have less than that!). It is a long, hard slog I can assure you. I understand you are upset about your fertility but what will you do when life inevitably hits another bump in the road?

You will at some point face bereavement, job losses, financial concerns, health issues, family drama, kids upset at school, friendship issues etc. The list is endless and you won't get far if your plan is to go off sick and do your hobbies every time the going gets tough.

The job market is saturated at the moment with young, university educated people looking for work. This is the exact reason companies are wary of employing them. You should only go off sick if you are sick, wanting to spend time baking is not a reason to go off sick, I would also argue being upset about something is not a reason to go on the sick.

If you genuinely can't function at work (worrying in itself after 6 months at your one and only full time job) then of course you should go off sick but you shouldn't be ttc during this time as a baby certainly won't improve your mental health.

I think you need to listen to your DH.

I don’t think this job is for you so try to find something else.Could you potentially find something more flexible, self employed maybe ?
Have you considered something like cleaning / girl Friday / after school childcare etc ?
Might be some better ideas , something where you are working face to face maybe.
Good luck

Good for you! Glad you managed to cope through it without sick days! Not everyone is you though!!

You probably just need some help dealing with the journey to motherhood and the losses you experienced along the way. Good idea to seek CBT. And also - give yourself a break - my rule is I only expect myself to be a "good-enough" mother as the pressure to be perfect will do more harm than good.

The op isn’t sick, she doesn’t like her job. She says she is considering getting signed off to look for a new job in a couple of months. It’s her first ‘proper job’. Hardly great work ethics being shown.

I fully understand how hard infertility is, but it isn’t justification for being off sick in the OP’s circumstances.

tbh I probably would take some sick leave in these circus but only for a week or two rather than months. I don’t see why you would have to take indefinite sick leave rather than do that? A doctor is unlikely to sign you off for months at time anyway.

Im actually shocked at the YABU responses. My advice OP, go off sick, get your head straight and on your return ask for wednesdays off

You only have one life and I always tell people it takes about 6 months-year to settle into new jobs especially new ones. I remember working in an office and could only hack 4 months and ended up going back to a different job and was so much happier. If you genuinely hate it - dont quit as I don't feel job market it rubbish atm but go off sick and have a look round. See how you feel. Im so sorry - I couldnt cope with the bad news either and it would send me spiralling.

You owe no one an explanation as to why your mental health is suffering and like other people have said you will be just a number. Go off sick enjoy xmas and new year and start fresh end of Jan after a month off to deal with news and clear you head

Word of advice though - I haven't met anyone who isnt nervous about going back to work after time off/annual leave even. The first day back nerves are so normal so dont over think them.

Thank you so much to everyone who gave kind responses, they really helped me calm down and I’m so grateful. I’ve gone into work today and just on my break now. I have been looking into my company policies and they are supportive of flexible working requests so I think once all the managers/HR are back from Xmas break I will look into going down to a 4 day work-week. It limits the financial implications (I could still save plenty) but also keeps me active and working so I think it will be a good solution. I know my issues need to be treated with medication but even so I think dropping a day will overall have positive effects on my health. I’d have gone down to 4 days after having a baby anyway. I am lucky to be in the financial position to be able to do this.

My partner is happy with this solution too. Overall even though it’s a call centre they are a good company and supportive of development and the mat leave is very generous. Leaving and having to learn a new job would be equally as stressful, better the devil you know and all that.

You’ve got it exactly right, thank you for being so kind

OP you are trying to do it all at once. Save for a house, start a career and start a fertility journey. No wonder you are totally overwhelmed. These are all huge life events and I am glad you are going to apply for flexible working as a start.
Noone can do it all at once. Despite what the influencers suggest. And you are mid 20s you have time to slow down the pace at which you are trying to do all of this. I have had many periods in my life where I took in too much and essentially came to a grounding halt. Had to step back and prioritise to maintain any happiness. You don't 'need' all these things to happen at once.
Wishing you the best in figuring it all out.

I'm saying this kindly OP but YABU.
My husband and I had years TTC and have been very fortunate having our son via IVF.
I also found my first FT job after uni working in a bank much more stressful than I anticipated. It took me 4 years to realise how unhappy and stressed I was, I then got a new job in a call centre working for Social Care so whilst I still had the high calls and calls times/breaks/toilet breaks monitored, at least the content was interesting. I then progressed to community roles in Social Care and OT which I love and it was during my OT job I had the IVF.
A call centre would be a difficult job to have during IVF but you're still young abd nay not need it. Try and keep things in perspective, continue working and save money and you will find another job. Manage your tine well at weekends doing hobbies and make sure you have some time for wellbeing after work. Google 5 Ways to Wellbeing. TTC is tough on men too so try and make time for fun and date nights. Talk to your friends. Take care x

A 4-day week is a great option OP.

Your initial post was clearly written from a place of distress/low point, and your solution might have been a bit too radical and emotional but I can’t believe the number of damning responses on this thread. Too many people comment on threads not to share any useful insight or support someone but to make themselves feel better by putting someone down. What a nice and easy fix when you can do this anonymously online.

Posters suggesting that if you can’t handle your job while processing the infertility news, how would you be able to have kids and work, have clearly never struggled with infertility.

@RightSheSaid I'm so glad you eventually had your daughter, after going through so much. You're an inspiration.

I am 35 no kids and experiencing fertility issues as well, but it’s not a good enough reason to get signed off from work in my opinion. You are young and you have plenty of time. You need to prioritise getting a house. Maybe hold off ttc for a while and look for a new job. Also consider therapy.

I think be prepared for your company to say no op. Just because a policy says supportive doesn’t mean they will, it will be down to do they have the resources to cover you for that day, they hired a full time person as that’s what they needed, so it is down to business need.

i wouldn’t conflate the two issues, hating your job and your personal life and use this as a means to get out, start looking for a new job in the new year, if this ine isn’t working for you, then 4 days a week won’t change that.

but I do want you to be realistic here and not think it’s an automatic yes, it is far from that,

Of course- my heart goes out to you, because personal/specific details aside, I could have written your post this time last year and really do feel I understand where you are coming from 💕

If you can, please do try and ignore some of the less helpful responses you have had here and don’t take them to heart. Like a PP has said, it is really quite shocking just how unkind some people will be to strangers on the internet who are obviously struggling and in pain. You really do wonder whether they would say any of this to your face if they knew you IRL; as well as why they choose to post such harsh responses when they could just say nothing and move on to another thread! Much like most aspects of parenting, TTC is definitely an area where you have to hold on to the advice that serves you and disregard what doesn’t, because everyone’s circumstances are different and what’s the right path for one person won’t be for another; sometimes to the extent that two perfectly valid pieces of advice are actually mutually exclusive with each other!

I second the advice you have received that it’s always worth posting on the Infertility board if you would like any more support in future (emotional or logistical/medical)- there is a wealth of knowledge on there as well as a community of women who really understand the difficulty of long TTC journeys rather than just telling you to ‘get on with it’ from their own position of fertility privilege! I was mostly a lurker on those threads but they really did help me along the way even so.

I’m wishing you all the luck in the world and really hope 2026 brings you everything you are hoping for ❤️ I hope you manage to find some peace/happiness this Christmas too despite what a tough time you are having at the moment.

Firstly do you qualify for sick pay? I have no sick pay at my job.

secondly as someone has been through infertility and ivf it’s long it’s hard and it’s exhausting and could be going on for a number of years.

I think you need to work on reducing stress and looking for a new job and being in it long enough to qualify for maternity leave before you thinking about ivf. You’re still young and do have time on your side.

Sorry you’re having a rough time but being off work (however shit it is) will be worse. You need to be busy. As someone who has been where you are and trust me there was nothing worse in my life than not having a baby - I eventually did have a baby - but it was a long and painful road. Keeping busy helped and there were so many days I didn’t want to work but you do not want to be alone with your thoughts all the time.

Take up a hobby asap - join a fitness class. Throw yourself into things whilst you try for a baby.

You'll get through this but being off sick isn’t the answer

Op in the nicest way you only been in the job for six months...you have no legal protection before 2 years. Going on sick leave at just six months into the jobs looks really bad on your and you might find sick leave is limited financially. Make the Christmas period your job to start looking for a job that you will enjoy more.

Agreed. They don’t need to agree to flexible working however in your case OP there are also legit underlying medical issues so make sure you let them know it could also be a reasonable adjustment.

Incorrect. Some rights you have before you are employed. Some depends on status. Others such as right not to be unfairly dismissed need 2 years service but OP already has right not to be discriminated against or to suffer automatic unfair dismissal as well as much besides.

Applying for a different job sounds wise.

you are very young and both thyroid and prolactin can be treated. Modern fertility tests mean that only after a year of trying you know those levels. It can be hard when things don’t happen quickly, but does not mean with tablets for thyroid and a few more months of ttc that you can’t conceive.

What is your plan f you get pregnant? Will you need to earn money or live off your partner’s salary? You say you need SSP to contribute now. If you need to earn money to pay for your child and self, looking for a job you would do with a child seems a wise move to make now so can qualify for that company’s maternity pay,