Hi OP, I just wanted to come on to say that I absolutely do not think YABU, and I think it is very apparent that a large majority of the users posting here haven’t had any first hand experience of fertility issues themselves and frankly don’t understand just how horrific TTC/infertility can be. I am now lucky enough to have a 2 month old DD conceived from IVF, and although our primary diagnosis ended up being male factor, I also had low AMH which complicated things more.
If I had not been there myself, I would never have anticipated how utterly horrendous the shock of the AMH diagnosis would be for me. I was only 30 at the time, and trying to get my head around, a) What AMH even was & what this diagnosis meant, and b) The concept of feeling that I was suddenly on borrowed time to ever be a mum (in a societal context where 30 year olds are usually told they have all the time in the world!) was really hard. I can only imagine that having endo on top of that makes things even harder, with all the day to day suffering that can bring.
I was a primary school teacher (teaching EYFS/Nursery) when I first received my diagnosis; and to make matters worse it was Mothers’ Day that week, so the idea of having to make cards etc with the children just broke my heart quite frankly. I know you will be in a similar position with us being so close to Christmas now. I self certified sick for that week and really did benefit from that time to take stock of things, begin to come to terms with next steps and plan for them (researching clinics etc.) I think another thing that people here are really underestimating is just how time consuming infertility is. In my experience, even with eventually finding a great consultant, I had to advocate for myself heavily and do a lot of research to advance our treatment. It became like a second job at times, and you’re absolutely correct that being in a job like call centre work, teaching, healthcare etc doesn’t begin to compare to a WFH or hybrid role where you may still be experiencing your share of workplace stress, but can at least take 5 minutes to answer important calls or send a vital email.
In the end, I did realise that- for me- IVF and teaching wouldn’t be compatible, with that decision cemented by my Head saying that I had just had a week off so couldn’t complain about my designated planning time (which is supposed to be standard/protected for all teachers) being taken away from me when I came back! In that moment, I realised what a few other people here have also been saying; that it really is on you to protect your own wellbeing/mental health at what is such a difficult time, because precious few workplaces will do that for you, and the majority frankly don’t care.
So I left teaching for a still fairly stressful but primarily WFH role 5 months before we started IVF and found this an absolute game changer. Of course, in my position I had the school holidays at my disposal to look for a new job. In your shoes, I would definitely take the time off to do this because you really need to make sure that the job will offer the increased flexibility you need to make sure you are not going out of the frying pan into the fire.
One last thought I have had is that, while your partner is of course entitled to disagree with you, it really doesn’t sound as if he is actually being very supportive at what is an incredibly difficult time for you, and that is something he should be making an effort to do. When you are hopefully parenting together in the future (which, as others have said, it really does sound as if you have a great chance of doing 💕), you won’t agree on everything, and there are certain things (like birth plans, feeding preferences etc) where he will need to recognise that, as the baby’s mother whose these things will affect most, your vote actually has to count for a bit more than his. This seems comparable to me since you are the one having to deal with the trauma of this diagnosis, the daily discomfort of endometriosis and- if it comes to it- the impact of IVF/fertility treatment too. It’s so much to take in and I hope he reflects on that at his end.
In reference to the comments that have been made about needing to pause TTC due to your mental state at the moment, I personally think that is an absolute load of rubbish if (like me) your difficulty lies in being in the situation of infertility rather than in general MH difficulties. Since having my DD, my mental health has never been better despite the usual newborn trenches, a C Section recovery etc. I was depressed purely because of worrying I would never have a child and while my life obviously has its challenges now, nothing at all I experience now ever makes me feel anywhere near as low I did while TTC. If I had waited until I felt better before doing IVF, I would have been waiting forever and would never have had the life which is bringing me so much joy now!
Sending you a huge hug and got everything crossed next year will bring you your baby one way or another. Last year I was at the lowest point of my life and could never have imagined how things would change; there is so much hope and I really hope it all works out for you soon.