To feel a bit gutted it will be 2027 before I get the house to myself

[chocolatesprinklesonmylatte]

I work two days a week; these are the days DH wfh.

I have a two year old who goes to nursery on my working days. The rest of the week she’s obviously with me.

I have realised I won’t therefore have the house to myself until 2027, when my two year old starts school!

I don’t know why it’s suddenly hit me! Probably because I saw a day for school aged children advertised on 2nd January. My toddler goes to nursery but I won’t be back until the Monday so I thought I could have a day ‘off’ but if DH is there I’ll just feel I’m in the way.

Can you send DH out for the day with DD?

It would never happen 😭

Could you put the 2yo into nursery for an extra day? Or take a days annual leave on her regular day?

But if DH won't even take her out by himself then that's the hill to die on. How useless is he?!

Why can’t your DH give you a break and take your DD out?

Why do you feel in the way in your own home if DH is there?

I think there is more too this than having the house to yourself - it’s the beginning of building resentment and ultimate burn out because you absolutely never get a break.

As her dad, he should be more than capable of looking after her for the day outside the home. It's only needs to be a few hours. If he can't, you have a problem

Why on Earth doesnt your DH take his child out?

it’s really important that the two of you work on this, what if you got ill or heaven forbid died? Your DH needs to be fully competent as a father and that means, knowing how to feed her, dress her, bathe her, do her hair, and manage her on his own.

Also if you aren’t ever getting any free time he’s a pretty uncaring husband.

We have two children and they are hard work together. DH wouldn’t take them both out for a prolonged period, not alone. To be honest, I don’t massively love it but it was a bit ‘needs must’ in the time before dc1 started school.

It isn’t a pile on for DH though, it just is. I can’t really order him out of the house for X number of hours!

This is the problem. I’m a teacher, so in school holidays DD could attend for two days a week still but then I have DS at home! When they were both in nursery I did get a small amount of respite in school holidays at least, but now that’s gone and boy I’m feeling it.

Sorry but that’s absolutely pathetic

And emblematic of all the ‘crap dad’ threads at the moment

I’m sympathetic to burned out parents that don’t love being home with toddlers 24/7 but frankly I have no sympathy here as you’ve been a doormat who has pampered the only other parent to such an extent they now ‘can’t be alone with their two children’.

I feel your pain, I am having a break (from teaching) and time in the house alone is ❤️ I need to go back soon and I don’t want to. OH is working from home all week next week and I hate it! Like your OH he’s just not really one for taking them out without me.

That’s a weak excuse. DH managed two toddlers on his own on a regular basis when our D.C. were small.

You say “needs must” he also needs to.

What would he do if you were ill? Call in a female relative to help? That’s pretty pathetic.

I couldn’t imagine being married to someone so pathetic that he couldn’t take his own 2 children out for a day, ‘difficult’ or not.

I was in this situation but had 2 children. I’ll never forget the day when I left my youngest for his taster days at reception.

however I did put my youngest in for extra days at the childminder (4/5 in total) when I was on my knees and dangerously sleep deprived.

i also called in sick twice as I wasn’t fit to practise as i was again too sleep deprived.

otherwise take those moments where DH has your child to take some time for yourself.

we also had strict bedtime for the children so that we had a few hours in the evenings.

It is difficult. I wouldn’t choose to do it, either. And as I’ve said, I can’t really order him out of the house.

@Lamentingalways thanks for that … he does take one or the other, just doesn’t take both solo. I don’t blame him tbh!

I think the main issue is even if I managed to get a day off work DH is here anyway so it doesn’t feel like a nice day to myself: I know that isn’t totally fair, it’s just how I feel about it. And unfortunately finances just won’t stretch to an extra day at nursery (plus dd doesn’t really enjoy nursery so I’d feel a bit mean making her go.)

Can you even imagine a world where he writes that about you? I couldn’t respect a man so weak/lazy.

And if you said ‘I woke really like a day to myself at home, it would do wonders for my mental health, please could you take the children out for a day?’
No ‘ordering’ necessary.

That’s good, because he isn’t either. It’s not like I’ve asked and he’s refused. But taking both of them out for the entire day is a massive ask when there’s another parent around. I wouldn’t massively appreciate DH insisting on my doing it so he could chill for a day, to be honest, so I haven’t done so to him.

I think I’ve had the house to myself one weekend (when dh took dc to in laws for a weekend and I had a uni deadline so stayed home) since 2020. Dh wfh since covid and 3 teens means there’s always someone there. I like my space but I’ve adjusted as it doesn’t bother me anymore but it did initially.

i like my item space so we have an outside sheltered area I can use

Noone is talking about ‘ordering’ or ‘insisting’ though, except you. We had 3 under 5 and my husband always took them out if I asked for some time to myself. Often sent me off to a hotel for the night to get some sleep when I was exhausted, too!

Can your DS do the odd day in holiday club on days when your DD is in nursery? There are lots of nice clubs around, if it's something that interests him, he might be fine?

No, but if I say ‘darling I would really like you to disappear with both children from dawn till dusk today, as honestly I need a break’ and he says ‘well to be honest, I would struggle with that’ then what do you do? And like I say, I wouldn’t thank him for doing that to me. I genuinely wouldn’t enjoy a day like that.

@Bimmering that’s actually what inspired this thread. I was considering booking him on for a club on Friday 2nd January. Dd could go to nursery then and I’d have a day off. It just kind of feels a bit pointless as DH would be home but working. So I wouldn’t massively enjoy it.

I'm not sure I'm getting this, I work full time and at weekends the kids and my husband are in the house. I've never thought that 'the house to myself for a day' is something I need, not quite sure how it would work.

That’s totally fair enough @GingerKombucha ; we’re all different.