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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance

126 replies

Flowergirl2 · 16/12/2025 22:58

A fairly long story…..
DH’s relative died last year (she had no children). DH has one sibling.

We have 2 children together (15&16) and he has 3 grown children too from previous relationship.

Deceased relative split inheritance equally between DH, DSIL and DH’s 3 grown up
children. Around 100k each. Nothing left to our DC.

I find this odd and hurtful that they have been left out with no obvious explanation. We will give ours to our DC but it’s the fairness and what this implies that hurts rather than the money.

Am I right to feel hurt and question why this has happened. There seemed no issue at all when she was alive.

DH grown up children will not share theirs with their half siblings (our DC). I feel none of this is fair on our DC.

OP posts:
ThatJollyGreySquid · 16/12/2025 23:01

Does your SIL not have children?

Original poster
Flowergirl2 · 16/12/2025 23:02

SIL does not have children

OP posts:
ChilliMochaCoco · 16/12/2025 23:03

So I'm guessing it's someone like an aunt. Is she closer to the older children? Did she your dc much?
It could be she had a better relationship with them.
However YANBU- I think it's odd she didn't leave them anything

workshy46 · 16/12/2025 23:04

She probably knew them far better given their age .. given that your DH’s family got the majority of the inheritance of anyone should fee hard done by it’s your sil

Original poster
Flowergirl2 · 16/12/2025 23:05

She had obviously known them longer as they are in their 20s but didn’t see them any more often, possibly less tbh

OP posts:
Christmaseree · 16/12/2025 23:05

Sounds like she was closer to the 3 older DC, did she see them a lot when they were growing up or was she close to their DM?
Try not to think about it too much.

Original poster
Flowergirl2 · 16/12/2025 23:08

Not really and she did not like their DM at all!

OP posts:
Nourishinghandcream · 16/12/2025 23:08

When was the will written?
If it was more than 16yrs ago, your children did not even exist.

Regardless, wills are well known for causing upset for reasons that the benefactor may not have considered important.

budgiegirl · 16/12/2025 23:09

On the face of it, it does seem a little odd - was the relative closer to your DH's grown up children than the younger ones? Did the relative (rightly or wrongly) decide to leave the inheritance just to the adults?

It's difficult not to feel a bit hurt on behalf of your children, but try not to dwell on it. The relative may have had good reasons that made sense to her, even if they don't make much sense to you.

DH grown up children will not share theirs with their half siblings (our DC)

Please don't tell me you asked them if they would share? That puts them in a very difficult position, having to say no if they don't want to. It would be nice if they did, but they are not obliged to, and I'm sure they, as adults, will be able to draw their own conclusions on how fair it is, without you having to point it out to them.

SabrinaThwaite · 16/12/2025 23:10

Have you done a deed of variation so that you can pass your DH’s share to your children without tax implications?

MaggieFS · 16/12/2025 23:13

What happened between your DP and their mother? If the deceased was anything like my Granny was, it will be because yours are the product of an illegitimate relationship (assuming the mum is still alive). My DF had to do a bit of redistributing from his share after he saw his mum’s will!

More seriously, when was the will made? Any chance it’s just so old it predates your DC? It wouldn’t change the outcome but would help the emotional hurt. Or because they are minors?

Original poster
Flowergirl2 · 16/12/2025 23:14

The will was in the last 2-3 years, when she moved house, she updated the will

OP posts:
Oftenaddled · 16/12/2025 23:14

Could it be an older will? That, or she didn't want to diminish SIL's share even more? Or she may be someone who makes a major distinction between adults, who can use money independently, and children whose parents provide for them.

FollowSpot · 16/12/2025 23:15

Cross posted: ignore.
She probably wrote her will before your children were born and never updated it.

Or assumed in her mind that she had left it equally to SIL, your DH ‘and the children’ and didn’t pay attention to the detail that solicitors like children named, and therefore assumed that she didn’t need to update it.

Christmaseree · 16/12/2025 23:18

Or the DH could give his DSis his share to even things out.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 16/12/2025 23:20

It's an odd decision. She would have been better off splitting it equally between just DH and his sister imo, but it's her money and so it was her choice.

Is it likely that your kids will perhaps inherit from your side of the family in due course, and could it be that she was trying to even things up?

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 16/12/2025 23:23

Or did she disapprove of your relationship in some way? E.g. because you were the OW or something like that?

Either way, whatever you might think of it, I'm afraid you have to accept her decision. She didn't owe your dc anything, and life isn't always fair.

I do hope that the older dc haven't been asked to share what has been left to them with their younger siblings!!

berlinbaby2025 · 16/12/2025 23:29

Everything seemed fine you say but you never know what anyone else is thinking or feeling. Try to put it behind you and accept that she had her reasons for not doing what you wanted. It was never your kids money.

You imply that someone has asked your DH’s kids to share their money - this was a crass mistake and the kind of thing that can cause or exacerbate family tensions. If it was you who asked I would apologise.

THisbackwithavengeance · 16/12/2025 23:32

I would imagine her thinking went like this:

Your DH is older then you and will likely die first

You inherit from your DH.

When you die, everything is left to your own DCs and your SDCs are excluded.

She was no doubt trying to redress the potential unfairness.

Original poster
Flowergirl2 · 16/12/2025 23:33

To clarify, nobody has been asked to share at all. We had assumed (wrongly) they would as they were shocked and confused when the will was read. Agreeing it appeared unfair.

It was all distributed at the beginning of this year and seems as though it has now been spent/invested.

OP posts:
SabrinaThwaite · 16/12/2025 23:34

And bear in mind your DH’s relative has left 80% of her estate to your DH and his children.

rosiebl · 16/12/2025 23:36

Just correct it in your DH’s will so his first children inherit less than your shared children?

SabrinaThwaite · 16/12/2025 23:36

Flowergirl2 · 16/12/2025 23:33

To clarify, nobody has been asked to share at all. We had assumed (wrongly) they would as they were shocked and confused when the will was read. Agreeing it appeared unfair.

It was all distributed at the beginning of this year and seems as though it has now been spent/invested.

Your OP:

DH grown up children will not share theirs with their half siblings (our DC).

Did someone ask them to share?

PrincessofWells · 16/12/2025 23:37

I really don't understand why it's any of your business who a relative has left her money to.

Flatandhappy · 16/12/2025 23:40

Nobody is entitled to inheritance, it is totally up to the person who makes their will to leave their money to whoever they want. Presumably this person felt she had a closer bond with the older kids, they may have had a history you know nothing about. The only thing that is unreasonable here is expecting your husband’s adult kids to share their inheritance with half siblings.