Inheritance

[Flowergirl2]

A fairly long story…..
DH’s relative died last year (she had no children). DH has one sibling.

We have 2 children together (15&16) and he has 3 grown children too from previous relationship.

Deceased relative split inheritance equally between DH, DSIL and DH’s 3 grown up
children. Around 100k each. Nothing left to our DC.

I find this odd and hurtful that they have been left out with no obvious explanation. We will give ours to our DC but it’s the fairness and what this implies that hurts rather than the money.

Am I right to feel hurt and question why this has happened. There seemed no issue at all when she was alive.

DH grown up children will not share theirs with their half siblings (our DC). I feel none of this is fair on our DC.

The Will is an amazing windfall for your SC.
What a generous old Aunt. They can purchase a house and set themselves up. Your DH will have far fewer worries with their finance now and will be able to concentrate on bringing up his younger children.

How does DH's sister feel? She has been left 20% and her brother, 80%? In reality, her "share" went to her brother's older children.

It is totally your relative's choice. Perhaps she discussed it with DSIL and DSIL was fine and generous like the Aunt.

500 split in two = 250.
250 for SIL and 250 for DH. So, your younger children are still getting 50 (if your DH leaves it to them) where as his sister is receiving 150 less.

The Aunt could have left all to the lost dog's home.
It is her life's work, her money and her choice.

One has to ask when did entitlement replace humbleness.

Exactly who would you be questioning? It’s done.

Have you got a will? Who does your estate go to if your husband has already died?

How about you be exceptionally grateful for the money you have inherited and stop whining?

Exactly.

Just a question....before this happened, who would you be leaving your money to if your husband dies before you? Just your children? Split equally between all 5 children?

To clarify, do you mean thee was a 500k pot and that DSIL got 100k and your DH and his 3 oldest got 400k between them?

Well your DH is at least late 50s/60s with children that age so could reasonably be expected to have benefitted from house price rises etc and be expecting himself to provide for his own children

he can now secure a deposit for your children for their own flats at £50,000 each - he doesn’t need the money himself ?

Why are you even talking about fairness? DHs relative gets to decide how they share our their stuff. If this sounds brutal sorry, but you re not entitled to an explanation.
Undoubtedly this will hurt I agree, because it seems arbitrary, but you just have to drop it and move on. Your family received something which is nice. Most people get nothing from aunties.

Adjust your will so your younger ones end up with the same.

I agree it does seem strange. Why would a person do this, knowing it will cause some problems for the family?

A relative opened a savings account for my DS1 but not for DS2. DS2 got the child trust fund which DS1 did not get - fortunately on maturity the amounts were very similar. If not, we would have evened it up.

Just to say wills become out of date very quickly and people don't alter them often. Example: Mum died April 2025. Last will amendment was 2011 and a whole raft of circumstances have changed.

Maybe she disapproved of you
Maybe she thinks you have enough
Maybe she dislikes your children
Maybe she just forgot

And it really doesn’t matter whether or not you think it’s unfair, you have the torture of never knowing. And there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it apart from either just accept it or drive yourself crazy with speculation.

absolutely do not adjust your will to make sure your younger ones get the same! You will open up a whole host of issues in their future, with your husband’s children from his former marriage thinking they have been treated unfairly.

Was the will written before your kids came along?

It doesn't really matter what anyone here says or thinks: 1) it's entirely up to the relative what she does; and 2) it was all finalised and distributed months ago. The ship has sailed!

Not sure what you're trying to achieve here.

It is hurtful. Of course anyone can leave their estate however they want but it not hurt.

DH was left out of a will that his sibling were included in before for no reason we could figure out. His mums uncle left money to MIL, SIL and BIL. But not DH. His siblings are 10+ years older (all ''full'' siblings). No one ever knew why and we never will. He was hurt by it.

What's your family situation?

I know my Dad has ck sobered lea jng more to my DC than to DSis' because their other GPs are well off and they will likely inherit much more - have already benefited from generous support with education.

I dont think he'll actually do it, but o know he's spent time thinking about how to make things most fair.

So is it possible Aunt knew or believed your DC will inherit elsewhere?

Do formal will readings still happen? I thought that was only in films.

Yes Aunt could probably see this situation coming..

Saves me typing it!

How old are you kids?

If there are under 18 I'm going to assume she has given money to the "adults" with an expectation that you will hold money for your DC on their behalf. Can totally understand someone not wanting to leave £10k to a 10 year old for example.

One of OPs early posts says tge Will was written in the last 2-3 years...

question it with WHO?

It’ll be about safeguarding the money for your DH’s eldest 3 children.
She couldn’t guarantee that they would receive anything unless directly from her.

It is what it is. If you blend families there will be consequences, but presumably you and your husband and your shared children are happy together, so that’s really all there is to it.
And your husband should still leave an equal share to all 5 his children.

I'd also wonder about the deceased relative's (DR) relationship with your DH's ex wife (let's call her Sarah) - as well as the circumstances of your getting together: had he split with her long before he met you, or could his relationship with you have been a major factor in them splitting up?

This could be way off, but just supposing the DR was very fond of Sarah - who might not be very well off in her own right and thus have little to leave her own DC when the time comes - she may have fully intended to leave a generous bequest to Sarah's DC, with the fact that they are also your DH's DC largely irrelevant in her thinking. However, in her attempt not to leave an absolute binfire in her wake, she decided to leave him (as her family member) - but categorically not the children who resulted from his new relationship, which she may personally have considered a betrayal of Sarah, and thus didn't want to apparently 'endorse' - although she did happily embrace and love those children as people in their own right, rather than their family link.

Yes, your DC are in no way to blame; but you don't have to hate somebody to leave them out of your will; after all, 99.9999% of the world will get nothing from any individual person's will - it doesn't mean that you hate all of them!

I agree with PP, if anyone should be put out it's probably SiL.

What are DH's plans for his share?

I know you've said SC won't be sharing and that they haven't been asked to, so how did that conversation come about? What was the basis of that decision?

I don't think they should, but I wonder how the train of thought went.