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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance

126 replies

Flowergirl2 · 16/12/2025 22:58

A fairly long story…..
DH’s relative died last year (she had no children). DH has one sibling.

We have 2 children together (15&16) and he has 3 grown children too from previous relationship.

Deceased relative split inheritance equally between DH, DSIL and DH’s 3 grown up
children. Around 100k each. Nothing left to our DC.

I find this odd and hurtful that they have been left out with no obvious explanation. We will give ours to our DC but it’s the fairness and what this implies that hurts rather than the money.

Am I right to feel hurt and question why this has happened. There seemed no issue at all when she was alive.

DH grown up children will not share theirs with their half siblings (our DC). I feel none of this is fair on our DC.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 17/12/2025 10:40

curious79 · 17/12/2025 09:33

absolutely do not adjust your will to make sure your younger ones get the same! You will open up a whole host of issues in their future, with your husband’s children from his former marriage thinking they have been treated unfairly.

Show quote history

There is no way that DH would not even it up. If someone leaves 100 k to DS1 and not DS2 we will even that up.

But it’s academic in our case as no one in our family who is likely to leave them money, basically grandparents, would do anything so weird. DS2 is much younger than DS1 and DNs but PIL are still leaving him the same. I can’t imagine my DF would give any of his 4 DGC less/nothing.

Cynic17 · 17/12/2025 10:45

People can leave their money however they like - of course you shouldn't "question it". Try being grateful for this person's generosity - she could have left it all to a donkey sanctuary!

billybear · 17/12/2025 10:52

i always say their money their choose who they leave it to

beAsensible1 · 17/12/2025 10:58

It honestly doesn’t matter why, it not even their grandparents. There is no requirement for a random relative to be fair. If DH wants to make it fair. He can give his to the 2 teenagers.

it’s not even up to you to feel it’s unfair, the people not reason you know is because your DH told you their private financial business.

of course they shouldn’t share it and it’s disgusting to ask. Its DHs issue not theirs. He should keep his mouth shut.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 17/12/2025 10:58

Flowergirl2 · 16/12/2025 23:33

To clarify, nobody has been asked to share at all. We had assumed (wrongly) they would as they were shocked and confused when the will was read. Agreeing it appeared unfair.

It was all distributed at the beginning of this year and seems as though it has now been spent/invested.

Yabu and even if i squint i cant see an angle where yanbu.

Your DHs family are disproportionately benefiting and your kids are no worse off.

Lets say its was 500k
So 100k each... the oldest 3 kids get 100k and your kids "get" 50k (via dh)

if his aunt had split the will "as standard" and left it 50/50 to DH and SIL... dh would get 250k and each of his 5 kids would "get" 50k.

So your kids didnt get less bt the older ones did get more.

If you feel strongly (which you do) have that inheritance your DH received ringfenced for your 2 in your wills so the older 3 dont benefit twice.

Presumably kids are early 20s and looking to start their adult lives (and buy houses / cars etc.)

Flowerslamp · 17/12/2025 10:58

Maray1967 · 17/12/2025 10:40

There is no way that DH would not even it up. If someone leaves 100 k to DS1 and not DS2 we will even that up.

But it’s academic in our case as no one in our family who is likely to leave them money, basically grandparents, would do anything so weird. DS2 is much younger than DS1 and DNs but PIL are still leaving him the same. I can’t imagine my DF would give any of his 4 DGC less/nothing.

Show quote history

But what is the definition of even? He'll have given a substantial sum to one DC and not to the other, is that even?

Most people wouldn't be able to even things up if one child got an inheritance of tens of thousands.

Maray1967 · 17/12/2025 11:02

Flowerslamp · 17/12/2025 10:58

But what is the definition of even? He'll have given a substantial sum to one DC and not to the other, is that even?

Most people wouldn't be able to even things up if one child got an inheritance of tens of thousands.

Edited
Show quote history

If you can’t, you can’t - but I’d expect DS1 to share in a case like this.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 17/12/2025 11:03

Nourishinghandcream · 16/12/2025 23:08

When was the will written?
If it was more than 16yrs ago, your children did not even exist.

Regardless, wills are well known for causing upset for reasons that the benefactor may not have considered important.

I wondered this too. Sometimes people just don’t get around to making a new will.

My DM’s will was written before she developed dementia, so those GGdcs who were born later were excluded. However the executors reinstated them to receive the same as older GGdcs - everyone agreed. But the sums were relatively minor compared to the main legatees.

Re passing your own legacies on to your dcs, IMO this often happens, it certainly has in this family, either wholly or partly.

Maray1967 · 17/12/2025 11:03

If my aunt left me money and not my Db, I’d share. He’s not upset her in any way, I live closer and see her more. But I’d be surprised if she favoured me over him in that way.

Flowerslamp · 17/12/2025 11:03

Maray1967 · 17/12/2025 11:02

If you can’t, you can’t - but I’d expect DS1 to share in a case like this.

Show quote history

Wow, you'd even it up by giving your son's money away?

Maray1967 · 17/12/2025 11:05

I wouldn’t have to do anything - DS1 would share. He’d be horrified if his DB was left out.

Caterpillar1 · 17/12/2025 11:18

PrincessofWells · 16/12/2025 23:37

I really don't understand why it's any of your business who a relative has left her money to.

I agree. It's not even his mother, but some aunt, so she would have some likes and dislikes. I would be grateful she'd left anything. Maybe she liked the 1st wife more.

Andthatrightsoon · 17/12/2025 11:29

THisbackwithavengeance · 16/12/2025 23:32

I would imagine her thinking went like this:

Your DH is older then you and will likely die first

You inherit from your DH.

When you die, everything is left to your own DCs and your SDCs are excluded.

She was no doubt trying to redress the potential unfairness.

This sounds right.

Catwalking · 17/12/2025 12:01

Have the will rewritten? this can be done, but, needs to be within 2 yrs of the death I believe. So get in contact with solicitor immediately. Good luck.

McSpoot · 17/12/2025 12:09

Catwalking · 17/12/2025 12:01

Have the will rewritten? this can be done, but, needs to be within 2 yrs of the death I believe. So get in contact with solicitor immediately. Good luck.

They could only "rewrite" the portion that was left to her DH, not the monies left to her SIL or her stepchildren.

CinnamonBuns67 · 17/12/2025 12:10

I get it as it is hurtful that your children together got nothing whilst your stepchildren got a huge amount but it was hers to give as she pleases, doesn't stop it from sucking though.

utterlytraumatised · 17/12/2025 12:26

I don’t see the issue, and I would hope that his original children’s inheritance from their father isn’t cut because of this.

Were you the OW OP?

BadgernTheGarden · 17/12/2025 12:31

Was the will old and your DCs were not around when it was made? If the obvious intention was to leave money to all the grandchildren in the family you might be able to contest the will or get an agreement with the other beneficiaries to vary the will in your DCs favour.

arcticpandas · 17/12/2025 13:10

It's incredible how many posters who don't seem to have bothered to read the thread including OPs initial poster. She clearly states that DH will make it up to their two younger children; I imagine splitting the 100k btw them. Also OP said the will was done 2-3 years ago and that the aunt saw more of the younger children than DH's adult children.

@Flowergirl2 I understand that you feel that it's unfair- it is really. But the aunt could have Split it btw DH and Sil- DH would have had 250 k to split btw his 5 children which would make 50 k each anyway.

Ofcourse the adult children don't want to share with their younger step children, you can't expect that. Try to be grateful for the 50 k each your children will have. That's a large sum, more than lots of us will ever get to inherit.

BillieWiper · 17/12/2025 13:13

It does maybe seem unfair but that's life. I certainly wouldn't expect a distant relative with no children to leave their estate to my kids.

You just have to be grateful she left anything to anyone in your family. You're not owed a single penny off her.

ThatNaiceMember · 17/12/2025 13:34

THisbackwithavengeance · 16/12/2025 23:32

I would imagine her thinking went like this:

Your DH is older then you and will likely die first

You inherit from your DH.

When you die, everything is left to your own DCs and your SDCs are excluded.

She was no doubt trying to redress the potential unfairness.

This makes sense to me. I'd try not to let it upset you, pass your DHs share to your children and not worry about it.

Fifi2022 · 17/12/2025 13:40

Her money, her choice!
An inheritance is not an entitlement!

AuntieDolly · 17/12/2025 13:47

If anyone should feel pissed off it’s the sister

noworklifebalance · 17/12/2025 13:53

Flowergirl2 · 16/12/2025 23:14

The will was in the last 2-3 years, when she moved house, she updated the will

She clearly intended to leave your DC out of her Will. I doubt they would have inadvertently slipped her mind if she had known them for over a decade at the time of writing.
Perhaps she assumed that your DC would inherit your estate, whereas DH’a childnfe from a previous relationship may on inherit from him (shared with your joint DC)??

Pingponghavoc · 17/12/2025 13:53

I dont think you are being unreasonable to be upset about it.

If the will was written 3 or so years ago, your children were very young and your step children adults. I wonder if she saw that the adult children could make more use of the money now? Maybe if she lived another 10 years and reviewed her will, she would have treated them all as adults and given the same amount?