Sister saying she doesn't want to live after I told her to come on the 25th

[Anuta77]

So I'm having another drama with my sister.
She shared that she was feeling lonely as she's a single mother and has financial issues after her company went down.
I was planning on a holiday dinner. We are not Christian, she actually follows Judaism, but we don't have to have a dinner on a specific date. She told me that she would like to do something on the New Year Eve. But never confirmed. I had to insist that she calls me back.

So we're talking by phone and she says how sad she is that nobody is inviting her. I say that I do. On the 24th, my husband is inviting his son with gf and his daughter. If my sister came with my nephew (who is also sometimes difficult to handle) and my mom, it would make 10 people. I don't have enough sits. I also wanted to do some board games (didn't tell her that) and with my nephew and generally too many people, it feels more complicated.

So I tell her to come on the 25th. I also mention that on the 2nd of January, I invite some friends, she could come too. She starts going around finding some excuses as to why she's not happy, then reluctantly agrees. I tell her that it doesn't feel good, it's holidays, not some obligation. She tells me that as usual I'm not listening to her and not understanding. I insist that she tells me what's the issue and she starts yelling that she wants to su*cide and hangs up. I try to call back, she declines.
Should I invite her on the 24th because of her depression and loneliness? Obviously, the holiday mood would be ruined because I hate being pressured.

More emotional blackmail.

Just borrow some chairs from a neighbour or ask your sister to bring two with her. Honestly, she's lost her business, is a single mother with a vulnerable 6 year old child and she's told you she's suicidal - why can't you just invite her on the 24th? What are you waiting for? A corpse ? Then what? How sorry you are you did not invite her on Xmas eve?

This

Another guilt trip.

I don't think it's emotional blackmail, rather acknowledging that the sister is clearly suffering. I also don't think it's helpful to encourage the OP to cut the sister off. This isn't just people shit posting on the internet, there are real people involved, and it sounds like the OP's sister is in a very vulnerable state.

What kind of sister are you?
If you can't help a close family member in a situation like this when would you lift a finger for someone you're related to?
What about the child? That would my main concern, emotional blackmail or not.

I know it may be hard to believe but it should not always be on one person, people cant need endless help and expect it off one person, there are emotional sponges who constantly take of someone and give absolutely nothing back

Sometimes there is only so much one person can take off another and how do people know the OP is not at the maximum of what they can do? Why does it always have to be one way?

she’s single and lonely. Does she have a soft spot for one of the adult step children? Are they similar age and single?

I was referring to @Lightswitchy's emotional blackmail. "Tell her no, enjoy your board games with the people you really care about and if she does make an attempt on life you can live your life guilt free knowing you played no part in it. Priorities and all that!"

Or perhaps you think it's fine for people to make sarcastic, loaded comments to @Anuta77 ?

Maybe she’s jealous of you having a partner and wider family - whatever the reason you’ve every right to have time with them without your sister being invited too. I’d find her manipulative and be worried for her son if she’s loudly saying she’s suicidal. That would warrant a call to child protective services.

Someone saying they want to commit suicide isn't necessarily manipulative. I didn't read it as manipulation in this case. OP asked what the real issue is, or words to that effect, the sister shouted that she wants to commit suicide. That's her saying how she feels, doesn't mean she has any intention of acting on it. My guess is she shouted it because she's frustrated, both with feeling this way and that OP didn't pick up on how low she's feeling without it specifically being spelled out to them. I'd say she then hung up because she hadn't actually wanted to say it and doesn't want to talk about it, she could have felt pushed into saying it because saying she's lonely and struggling wasn't enough to get her point across. People aren't mind readers though.

Having said that, I don't think any of this means OP should feel obligated to invite her. It's OPs Christmas too.

OP is hosting people (stepchildren) they barely knows and doesn't want the additional stress of being crammed in without enough seats (which could also mean without enough space for additional seats, not everyone's home is huge. I've seen homes with living rooms the size of my entire one bedroom flat. "Just acquire more seats" isn't necessarily the solution people think it is) and having to essentially babysit a depressed person and difficult child. OP obviously thinks it'll be too much for them all at once and that's fine, OP is allowed to look after their own feelings too and not pressurise themselves unnecessarily.

Then there's the issue that the sister doesn't keep in touch with OP. Doesn't respond to phone calls barely at all, not even to drop a text in return the next day. If you don't bother to stay in touch with someone, it's a bit much to expect that person to be there for you to the extent of putting themselves out and putting you first above their own family's wants and needs. I'm not saying the sister doesn't need someone, but given the way the relationship is, I don't think OP should feel guilty for not being it. The sister has been invited for Christmas Day to spend it with OP, OPs family and their mother. Also invited the day after new year's day with OPs friends. So OP is including the sister as family and friend, despite barely being in touch with her. That's reasonable IMO.

If the sister is that suicidal she feels unable to get through Christmas period despite being included in family festivities, she should turn to her doctor and tell them so she can be helped.

I wouldn’t dismiss it. Our company has had its worst year yet. We aren’t making payroll this month and I don’t know what’s going to happen tbh.

I have had serious mental health issues before (actually been sectioned once); but never ever thought about suicide - even though that’s an extremely common symptom of the illness I had. So really I am not just not inclined to it - I am categorically wired against it.

Yet sitting in the car today I was totalling up my life insurance and actually calculating how my children would potentially be better off if I am dead. I am obviously not going to do it.

But the point of writing this is it is something I can imagine many directors considering when faced with a closed company. Please don’t ignore this.

She sounds like she could be depressed. I'm not an expert in mental health, but hopefully it can help if you are there for her, care about her, and try to be a good listener. Is it really the end of the world for you to invite her on the days she mentioned?

Why is it all on the OP maybe there is only so much one person can take, what is the sister doing to help herself and lessen the burden on the OP, why does the OP have to invite them to eveything, why does everyone else have to put up with the attention seeking?

Can you borrow a chair? Or buy a cheap one?

Yes, she continued insulting me, making me feel bad about doing something with my husband's children actually giving them more importance than me...I will see what services exist since we're not in the UK

I know. What a strange post. With some very cold replies too.
I mean, God forbid a suicidal person should manipulate or ruin the holiday vibe!

My sister is Jewish! And saying that THE only date when she will feel better is when I invite my stepchildren is weird to me especially since she specifically told me (before she heard about them) that she wanted on the 31st. It has to be on her terms and when I refused that's when she started with her su*cide. She's still texting me with insults.

But she only needs it when my stepchildren will be here? It's like homeless people who ask for money for food, but refuse an apple or a coin because it's too small (happened to me).

No, I was literally inviting her with our mom the next day. We don't have other siblings, but I guess it's not special.

A difficult situation but it’s not like you haven’t invited her at all. I guess she is just feeling sad that you’ll have a house full on 24th and it will just be her and her son. Being a single parent can feel lonely at this time of the year. That said, you shouldn’t feel guilt tripped into extending the invite to her. It’s your DH’s DC and i’m sure he would rather it just be immediate family. Threatening suicide over something like does feel a little much, but I guess this is a warning for you that she isn’t feeling great this Christmas. So difficult now for you and unfair when you’re already hosting multiple dates.

I live over 45 min way away and I can not leave my child home alone. Hours later she was still texting me insulting me. I told her to call the ressources and that I would do the same.

I am not even close to my stepchildren, they are adult and are busy, so I rarely see them. It's not like we are a close family. But yes, I guess she felt that our little family wasn't special, so why you and others are making me feel like a bad sister? And instead of asking nicely, she just pushes and inviting her becomes an obligation where I have to be stressed where to sit who, not about having a nice family gathering.

The problem is that she guilt trips me and later insults me (when she doesn't get her way) every few months which results in me not talking to her but she never learns anyway. I have a family and problems of my own. My husband pretty much broke up with me yesterday and I'm holding it for my children. Whenever I try to make her feel better or help (like staying with her at a hospital for hours on Halloween instead of being with my son) gets forgotten. So the only way to satisfy her would be forgetting myself and doing what she wants only. I can not help her.

No haha. They are in their early 20s and she's in her 40s. She did remind me about the difficulties I had with one of them and that I'm supposedly replacing her with them (she forgot about difficulties I constantly have with her, but they are always my fault).