Sister saying she doesn't want to live after I told her to come on the 25th

[Anuta77]

So I'm having another drama with my sister.
She shared that she was feeling lonely as she's a single mother and has financial issues after her company went down.
I was planning on a holiday dinner. We are not Christian, she actually follows Judaism, but we don't have to have a dinner on a specific date. She told me that she would like to do something on the New Year Eve. But never confirmed. I had to insist that she calls me back.

So we're talking by phone and she says how sad she is that nobody is inviting her. I say that I do. On the 24th, my husband is inviting his son with gf and his daughter. If my sister came with my nephew (who is also sometimes difficult to handle) and my mom, it would make 10 people. I don't have enough sits. I also wanted to do some board games (didn't tell her that) and with my nephew and generally too many people, it feels more complicated.

So I tell her to come on the 25th. I also mention that on the 2nd of January, I invite some friends, she could come too. She starts going around finding some excuses as to why she's not happy, then reluctantly agrees. I tell her that it doesn't feel good, it's holidays, not some obligation. She tells me that as usual I'm not listening to her and not understanding. I insist that she tells me what's the issue and she starts yelling that she wants to su*cide and hangs up. I try to call back, she declines.
Should I invite her on the 24th because of her depression and loneliness? Obviously, the holiday mood would be ruined because I hate being pressured.

She won’t be able to explain why she’s feeling the way she is feeling. Please be kind to her. Perhaps she wants to feel like she belongs to a bigger family unit?

I know that that would sting, but I never presented it as the main celebration. It was just the day when my stepson was available because on the 25th, he's going elsewhere. But given that my sister doesn't have contraints, I simply preferred having 2 celebrations instead of stressing about finding seats for everyone. And I definetely didn't mention the board games!

She said you're not listening, you wanted her to tell you what the issue was. She already told you what the issue was, that's why she thinks you're not listening. Her problem is she is depressed and lonely and she wants to come on the 24th.
I'm not saying you're obliged to have her over but I can see how frustrating it must be for her when you ask what the issue is when she has already told you.

If it was my sister and she was depressed and she had a young child, they would be my priority. You can borrow some chairs if you need extra seats, or get some off facebook marketplace. I can't believe some of the callous responses on here.

But why coming on the 24th will make her less lonely, when she will be alone on the 25th? Also, before she wanted to come on the 31st, so now she decides that she wants to come on the 24th, I explain that I don't have enough space and she still insists. Who is not listening?

And talking about suicide is OFTEN manipulative. The problem is that they know that you can't really ignore it.

Call a suicide hotline, ask them for advice.

She only started screaming about su*cide at the end of the conversation after trying to insist that she comes when she wants and my other dates are not special. Otherwise, if the issue is that she's lonely, the day I invite her doesn't make a difference.

I would have an open invitation for my brothers ( I’m not fortunate enough to have a sister) anyway and most definitely if they were feeling down and alone with my six year old nephew. Even if people sat on the sofa with plates on knees. I suppose it depends on relationships though.

I don't know where you are in the UK but, apart from bars, most things shut around teatime. Even the public transport winds down early evening.

Maybe she just needs to know your door is open to her whenever she needs it.

You'll not make her happy no matter what you do especially at the moment
You offered, shes declined
But
I feel she does need help
I'm not sure how that would happen though
She sounds stubborn

@OneAmberPombear "You sound totally heartless"

You sound like another emotionally manipulative person.

There is no way I’d leave my depressed sibling alone on Christmas Eve.

If I knew either my brother or sister were miserable, and they’d specifically asked to come round, the door would be open whenever, and I would have to just find space.

Tell her no, enjoy your board games with the people you really care about and if she does make an attempt on life you can live your life guilt free knowing you played no part in it. Priorities and all that!

Well, I'm in a rural market town which is always closed 😏 The pubs are open Christmas Eve, though. Before moving to Nowhere, Nothingshire, I always lived in cities where the shopping centres, cafes and even art galleries stay open late for Christmas. OP says she's in Canada, anyway, and everything shuts at five.

I'm on my own nearly every Christmas, fwiw. I have clinical depression - and a serviceable degree of equanimity.

Forcing OP to squeeze two extra people into her home and her plans won't make the sister feel any different. It barely sounds as though she even likes OP, this is just a power move imho.

Where would she be going if things were open on Christmas Eve in the evening? I mean, what is it she usually likes to go out for? (What about the child?)

You're obviously angry with her. Honestly, no-one on here can help, we don't know the history, we know nothing of your relationship with her, all we have to go on are your posts.

My personal feeling would be to try and be kind to her- but I'm basing that on my own relationships with family, I have no idea what yours are like with her.

I mean, quite. Imagine playing monopoly while you’re assuming your sister is crying by herself.

Could. Never.

What makes you say that? I can't see any reason to think that the sister dislikes the OP.

And really, the whole "power move" thing just seems very....internet. In real life, things are usually more complicated and emotionally messier. I doubt the sister is having fun. She may be being manipulative, but I suspect that is due to desperation rather than for entertainment.

Bollox to that. If you think she’s genuine then she needs professional medial help. Otherwise she’s doing what my mother has done my entire life which is have a tantrum when she doesn’t get her own way and threaten suicide to force people to concede. It’s manipulative and controlling. Don’t give in. You’ve got a lovely plan which suits everyone.

To be absolutely clear, I have sympathy for those with genuine troubles, but not those who cry wolf.

Not even if you got Park Lane AND Mayfair?

What a horrible family dynamic. If my sister shouted she was suicidal then hung up the phone, I'd be at her door 10 minutes later.

My cousin did that last year, knowing I was 150 miles away. I rang every person I knew until someone answered and asked them to go round.

Cry for help or attention seeking, I could never ignore it. Imagine being wrong and carrying that on your conscience forever. Nope.

I agree, this is behind the refusals, and the ifs and buts.
Offering an open door policy is all very well and certainly ideal here, but there’s OP’s husband and children to consider; it’s not just OP’s home to fling open.
(There may be a history of dramatic visits which OH won’t wish to see repeated, who knows.)

But there is also their mother, isn’t there? Sounds like she is alone; can she not be there for her other daughter, just as OP is expected to be? As a listening ear, a shoulder etc, if a short stay isn’t possible.

This recently collapsed business is a bit of a bugger though. I hope she’s attending to whatever needs to be done to shore up the fragments, as it were.

I think this is it. For me, Christmas is about big gatherings of family. Her and her son coming to your place on the 25th probably doesn't feel like anything special or out of the ordinary. Maybe she wants to be part of a bigger family gathering where she can be a bit quiet if she needs to be and it doesn't matter.

I'm not saying you're obliged to have her on the 24th, but you seem quite callous and excuses about seats are a bit lame. Just get visitors to bring some if that's truly the only barrier. If the real reason is that you don't want to mix your stepkids and a depressed sister, that's fine, but say that.