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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not replacing the lost items we weren’t told were expensive

227 replies

Robinisrosie · 16/12/2025 19:20

Yesterday I provided some babysitting for my nephews children. His daughters are 2 and 4 and they had a family funeral to attend but didn’t feel comfortable taking the children. I was more than happy to babysit. The 4 year olds school is already broken up for Christmas and the 2 year old doesn’t normally do nursery on a Monday.

We had a lovely day, all was well and when my nephew picked them up he asked where the youngest’s hat and scarf had gone. I couldn’t find them immediately and realised we may have either left them at soft play or in a cafe. He said it was fine, I offered to call the soft play and cafe today to see if they had been handed in.

I called both today and the soft play said they couldn’t be sure and we would have to go and check. I am working this week so I can’t but I told him the soft play etc. and suggested if they are important they can check in, otherwise I’ll go at the weekend. I’ve now received messages stating that they were expensive designer items and while they don’t mind if they are lost they would have appreciated me doing a better job at looking after the items. I’ve now spoken to my sister and she has informed me that the hat alone cost 3 figures and was from Burberry! Who the heck spends that on a hat for a 2 year old?
I appreciate wealth wise we are on very different levels, my nephew and his wife are incredibly well off and she comes from an incredibly well to do family, but surely if you are sending an item worth that much you might want to mention it?
My sister thinks I should pay to replace it but I think that’s bonkers! I’ll happily buy a replacement at a normal price if it isn’t there when I go to check at the weekend but I cannot believe they actually expect me to cough up over £200 for a hat and scarf for a 2 year old!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bottlesofrumonthewall · 16/12/2025 21:36

Bill them the cost for your daycare

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 16/12/2025 21:38

Bloody hell - you were babysitting for free so you don't replace anything

And they need to mention it if there is some possession you need to take extra care of

hats and scarfs get lost all the time

Pallisers · 16/12/2025 21:38

Rosealea · 16/12/2025 21:35

I can see their point.

It doesn't matter how much the items cost, it's their property that the child is too young to be responsible for.
You're the adult and you were negligent in losing the items therefore it's your responsibility to replace them whether they were £5 or £500.

I don't think you'll be asked to baby sit again. If you didn't realise that the child was underdressed going outside in December, never mind not noticing that he/she wasn't wearing the clothes you took off not long before, I would seriously caution against you being left in charge of a shopping trolley never mind a child!

Edited

Good luck to them finding babysitters if every time one goes out with a 2 year old they can be on the hook for a £500 replacement hat if the kid throws it into the bin or under the table or drops it when walking or whatever.

I suspect it has been a long time since some posters actually met a 2 year old.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 16/12/2025 21:41

Robinisrosie · 16/12/2025 21:11

Oh no they are incredibly well to do, live in a ludicrously expensive house, own multiple holiday homes etc. So I’m not actually sure why they are bothered by the cost. My sister is now saying they are more annoyed as it’s no longer for sale, but then what would me giving them money do?

Show quote history

I also think your sister is stirring here, do they know it's a back channel?

Forget about it and stop taking to your sister about it

(I think PP re well to do is that dressing your kid in Burberry feels like a somewhat tacky nouveau choice, she wasn't suggested they aren't v well off)

Hankunamatata · 16/12/2025 21:41

Iv lost so many hats with my own kids. My own teen has lost glove this week. Bonkers to replace it.

AngelinaFibres · 16/12/2025 21:43

HoskinsChoice · 16/12/2025 19:31

I can see it from both sides. I think it's unfair to expect you to pay but also think you should have been more careful. You're the adult - you should have checked. Apart from losing the stuff was the child not underdressed on the way back if you'd lost his/her warm stuff?

This. I look after my grandsons on a monday. They both have comforter items. I don't let those leave my house if we are out on a trip. If its hats, gloves etc then the difference between a quality item and a cheap one is absolutely obvious. I would have looked after both with equal care and checked before we left wherever we had been that we had ALL our bits and pieces. I was never able to afford expensive items for my children but I expect its lovely to be able to.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 16/12/2025 21:43

Redburnett · 16/12/2025 20:57

People who lose things that belong to others are incredibly annoying..........especially if they don't even realise they have gone missing. I am not surprised they are annoyed. A glove would be forgiveable, a hat and scarf less so.

🙄

Hats and scarfs get lost all the time. The PP more than makes up for any irritation and £ with the FREE BABYSITTING

ItsameLuigi · 16/12/2025 21:43

When I worked in a nursery, someone would send their BABY in designer clothes. Had to use a large bib every meal time, he couldn't play in any mud, any splatter of paint or pen we'd get a complaint. He was about 14 months so walking etc. The mum also worked in the toddler room, which was next to my room. She would be like a hawk watching him do anything. I'm very against babies and kids wearing expensive clothes unless they're in their parents care 🤣

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 16/12/2025 21:46

They should have laid for a babysitter. Annoying to lose the items but could easily have been lost at nursery.

Toucanfusingforme · 16/12/2025 21:49

The real question is was it really designer gear, or are they just trying to pull a fast one? Was it actually from Shein or Primark and they just fancy upgrading ? Maybe that’s how they got rich……….😄

Namechangerage · 16/12/2025 21:55

It would have annoyed me a bit losing both the hat and scarf (whether £2 or £200) as it is careless and wasteful. I don’t get how you lost both items. But I would have been so grateful that I would never ever have mentioned it!!

GinaandGin · 16/12/2025 21:56

PluckyChancer · 16/12/2025 19:30

Cheeky Fuckers! Buy them a replacement set from Primark.

Was just about to write that

Namechangerage · 16/12/2025 21:56

And I do agree that they should only let the child wear such expensive items when they are there!! They should have backup cheap items for when others look after the kid.

Laura95167 · 16/12/2025 21:57

Robinisrosie · 16/12/2025 21:11

Oh no they are incredibly well to do, live in a ludicrously expensive house, own multiple holiday homes etc. So I’m not actually sure why they are bothered by the cost. My sister is now saying they are more annoyed as it’s no longer for sale, but then what would me giving them money do?

Show quote history

If you really wanted to win friends an influence people.. you could see if you could find it on vinted or ebay and either get it (if its cheap enough) or point it out to DNephew its available

BTW I dont think you NEED to do that..Just could help

GinaandGin · 16/12/2025 21:59

Robinisrosie · 16/12/2025 20:51

Sorry I feel like I should clarify.
My nephew and his wife haven’t asked me to replace it, my sister nephews mum has.

When I messaged nephew letting him know I’d called the soft play etc. his reply was “its fine, was quite pricey though so would have been good not to lose it, anyway thanks again”

I then spoke to my sister who’s informed me they are peeved as this particular hat is no longer for sale and it cost a lot of money.

Mum needs to keep her snoot out. It's not her business

Squidgoals · 16/12/2025 22:01

Toddlers themselves are quite hard to keep track of, their accessories were not your priority. These people might have a lot of money but they don’t have any class. Aside from their behaviour over this… Burberry sniffs

OneWildBiscuit · 16/12/2025 22:03

Robinisrosie · 16/12/2025 19:20

Yesterday I provided some babysitting for my nephews children. His daughters are 2 and 4 and they had a family funeral to attend but didn’t feel comfortable taking the children. I was more than happy to babysit. The 4 year olds school is already broken up for Christmas and the 2 year old doesn’t normally do nursery on a Monday.

We had a lovely day, all was well and when my nephew picked them up he asked where the youngest’s hat and scarf had gone. I couldn’t find them immediately and realised we may have either left them at soft play or in a cafe. He said it was fine, I offered to call the soft play and cafe today to see if they had been handed in.

I called both today and the soft play said they couldn’t be sure and we would have to go and check. I am working this week so I can’t but I told him the soft play etc. and suggested if they are important they can check in, otherwise I’ll go at the weekend. I’ve now received messages stating that they were expensive designer items and while they don’t mind if they are lost they would have appreciated me doing a better job at looking after the items. I’ve now spoken to my sister and she has informed me that the hat alone cost 3 figures and was from Burberry! Who the heck spends that on a hat for a 2 year old?
I appreciate wealth wise we are on very different levels, my nephew and his wife are incredibly well off and she comes from an incredibly well to do family, but surely if you are sending an item worth that much you might want to mention it?
My sister thinks I should pay to replace it but I think that’s bonkers! I’ll happily buy a replacement at a normal price if it isn’t there when I go to check at the weekend but I cannot believe they actually expect me to cough up over £200 for a hat and scarf for a 2 year old!

AIBU?

Tell them, clearly and categorically, to fuck allllll the way off.

Breathtakingly rude, arrogant and entitled.

Never do a single, solitary thing to help them again.

Didimum · 16/12/2025 22:08

Sorry I disagree with the majority (oh well!). I don’t think you should have lost two items of clothing over the course of the day – regardless of price. Bear in mind your nephew hasn’t asked you to replace, only your sister has suggested, so it’s not really a choice you’re facing.

Cyclebabble · 16/12/2025 22:08

I think their behaviour is poor. You have done them a favour, some things have been lost by accident. Things with kids go missing all the time as any school lost property box can testify too. To then expect you to fork out a substantial sum of money is very poor. I would be very clear that under no circumstances will you ever babysit again.

TheTaupeScroller · 16/12/2025 22:10

Even if it was Primark, I would find it very irritating if half the kids clothes are missing. I don't see how you manage to lose hat and a scarf.

I wouldn't have mentioned it, but I would find the casual attitude about it even more annoying.

Maddyisqueen · 16/12/2025 22:12

Alpinette · 16/12/2025 21:09

Just been on the Burberry website to see what sort of hat costs that much. I could only find really tacky looking hats. Looks like these kids have dodged a bullet. Well done OP.

😂 too true

QuickPeachPoet · 16/12/2025 22:12

Comedycook · 16/12/2025 19:22

I'd tell them to fuck off

first answer nails it

Zebedee999 · 16/12/2025 22:13

Comedycook · 16/12/2025 19:22

I'd tell them to fuck off

Is that the language you use with your family members? Is that the language you use in front of your kids?

Shitmonger · 16/12/2025 22:13

Squidgoals · 16/12/2025 22:01

Toddlers themselves are quite hard to keep track of, their accessories were not your priority. These people might have a lot of money but they don’t have any class. Aside from their behaviour over this… Burberry sniffs

What behaviour? The nephew told OP not to worry about it, though he admitted it was expensive. They paid for soft play and transportation, and gave OP wine and chocolates as a thank you.

OP’s sister is the one who mentioned replacing the items.

Emonade · 16/12/2025 22:15

Robinisrosie · 16/12/2025 20:51

Sorry I feel like I should clarify.
My nephew and his wife haven’t asked me to replace it, my sister nephews mum has.

When I messaged nephew letting him know I’d called the soft play etc. his reply was “its fine, was quite pricey though so would have been good not to lose it, anyway thanks again”

I then spoke to my sister who’s informed me they are peeved as this particular hat is no longer for sale and it cost a lot of money.

you looked after their kids for them!!! And who spends that on kids clothes, especially such easy to lose ones, and how shit for the kids to have to think oh I have to be careful because it cost a lot of money or aware that something is important because it’s expensive how depressing!

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