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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not replacing the lost items we weren’t told were expensive

227 replies

Robinisrosie · 16/12/2025 19:20

Yesterday I provided some babysitting for my nephews children. His daughters are 2 and 4 and they had a family funeral to attend but didn’t feel comfortable taking the children. I was more than happy to babysit. The 4 year olds school is already broken up for Christmas and the 2 year old doesn’t normally do nursery on a Monday.

We had a lovely day, all was well and when my nephew picked them up he asked where the youngest’s hat and scarf had gone. I couldn’t find them immediately and realised we may have either left them at soft play or in a cafe. He said it was fine, I offered to call the soft play and cafe today to see if they had been handed in.

I called both today and the soft play said they couldn’t be sure and we would have to go and check. I am working this week so I can’t but I told him the soft play etc. and suggested if they are important they can check in, otherwise I’ll go at the weekend. I’ve now received messages stating that they were expensive designer items and while they don’t mind if they are lost they would have appreciated me doing a better job at looking after the items. I’ve now spoken to my sister and she has informed me that the hat alone cost 3 figures and was from Burberry! Who the heck spends that on a hat for a 2 year old?
I appreciate wealth wise we are on very different levels, my nephew and his wife are incredibly well off and she comes from an incredibly well to do family, but surely if you are sending an item worth that much you might want to mention it?
My sister thinks I should pay to replace it but I think that’s bonkers! I’ll happily buy a replacement at a normal price if it isn’t there when I go to check at the weekend but I cannot believe they actually expect me to cough up over £200 for a hat and scarf for a 2 year old!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 16/12/2025 19:58

Yep just tell them they can take the cost of the hat and scarf out of your babysitting costs which include taking their children out and feeding them and entertaining them while they were at the funeral!

Maddyisqueen · 16/12/2025 19:59

umgrateful Sods!!!! Ffs - tell them to use the money they saved on childcare

that’s sounds like he was fine but the wife said no way and then it changed

really despicable given your disparity in incomes

Loub1987 · 16/12/2025 20:00

200£ for a child’s hat and scarf, they are mad!

No good deed goes unpunished, don’t do it again.

LocalHobo · 16/12/2025 20:01

If that is their 'normal' that is fine, it is their prerogative to pay what they want for children's accessories. It also means that the seriousness of the items going missing is exactly equal to a missing Primark set if that is what another parent chooses to buy.
You have chased any obvious leads to find the items which is nice of you. I would apologise and move on. You were being kind, you have behaved appropriately. The parents need to thank you and accept 2 year olds lose things.
Dont offer to pay a penny.

TY78910 · 16/12/2025 20:02

My DC (1&5) have lost two sets of hats and scarves literally a day after they were acquired. So much so they now go out with bare heads as I refuse to replace them. And they were only Primani £1.80. I wouldn’t dream of giving either of them any item from any brand above Zara really, even that is a stretch. If it’s not lost, it’s got tomato sauce all over it. In short, your DSis is unbelievably unreasonable.

Cherrysoup · 16/12/2025 20:03

I’d be annoyed, why on earth didn’t you check before leaving the cafe/soft play? You can’t expect dc so young to keep track of their hat/scarf and it’s not for us to say spending that much for a very young child is ridiculous.

thepariscrimefiles · 16/12/2025 20:04

£200 for a toddler's hat is a great example of 'more money than sense'.

I'm sure that if OP had known how much it cost, she would have guarded it with her life but as she didn't know, she actually concentrated on the children in her care rather than on a ridiculously over-priced hat.

This is also a great example of 'no good deed goes unpunished'. You did them a favour and, apparently, you now owe them £200.

Maddyisqueen · 16/12/2025 20:04

Oh please send them a childminding invoice

for £200

Bankquestions · 16/12/2025 20:04

Do you get paid for babysitting them?

FollowSpot · 16/12/2025 20:05

If they wanted you to take responsibility for ludicrously expensive items they needed to have been clear about what it was. So that you could have had the choice to say ‘nope, the hat and scarf stay at home’

Your sister is outrageous. And should be telling her son to behave.

Entitled twat.

Pineappleice43 · 16/12/2025 20:07

Comedycook · 16/12/2025 19:22

I'd tell them to fuck off

Came here to say this exact thing ⬆️

Kizmet1 · 16/12/2025 20:08

Dear OP, you are not being unreasonable at all. I think they are being VERY unreasonable putting this stress on you when you so kindly helped them out and had such a lovely day with the kids.
I once very naively sent my daughter into nursery wearing a brand new mini Boden party dress in the most gorgeous pale pink colour, that I'd hoped she would wear to various parties for the festive season ... Sadly for me it was tomato soup day at nursery!!
Kids have things and then they get lost, tatty, or soup'd! It is very rarely anyone's fault really, especially when they're so little.

Vodka1 · 16/12/2025 20:08

They havent asked you to replace it have they? Your sister did?

Did they not say they don't mind but rather you had not lost it?

Did I read this wrong because I'm not understanding the replies at all

Pineappleice43 · 16/12/2025 20:09

It's also wonderful you took the kids out to soft play. My mil just sits on the sofa doing fuck all

RabbitsEatPancakes · 16/12/2025 20:10

I'd never spend that much personally but equally I probably spent more on fancy clothes when mine were 2 than when they were 5.

2yo are always supervised and with an adult so if they lose something then it is the adults fault. So I do think they were your responsibility but I'd never have mentioned it.

Vodka1 · 16/12/2025 20:10

I don't get why people are saying to charge them for babysitting, then they'll be out of pocket twice over

Nevermind17 · 16/12/2025 20:11

Cherrysoup · 16/12/2025 20:03

I’d be annoyed, why on earth didn’t you check before leaving the cafe/soft play? You can’t expect dc so young to keep track of their hat/scarf and it’s not for us to say spending that much for a very young child is ridiculous.

I’d imagine if you don’t have DCs of your own, you wouldn’t be in the habit of checking they’ve got all their accessories. These things happen, even with your own. Especially at places like soft play that are so intensely hellish and an assault on the senses. I get so overwhelmed that I probably couldn’t tell you my own name in my haste to escape!

Maddyisqueen · 16/12/2025 20:11

Vodka1 · 16/12/2025 20:10

I don't get why people are saying to charge them for babysitting, then they'll be out of pocket twice over

It’s a joke because she was doing them a favour - and now they are treating it like she’s a paid employee

RedToothBrush · 16/12/2025 20:12

OP,

You are going to bloody love it, when these two poppets go to school and start losing things

What are they going to do? Bill the school????!

Tell them its tough and that had you known that is what had been supplied with the kids you'd have said no to babysitting them because you don't have adequate insurance to cover the cost of lost items and you certainly don't have £200.
Tell that they are utterly ridicilous giving a 2 year old a £200 item of clothing, and if they can afford to do that, they can afford to lose them.
And finally tell them, you are happy to replace with suitably priced similar items instead as a guesture of good will, but you sure as hell will not be baby sitting again in future due to the way you've been put into this situation.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 16/12/2025 20:12

Invoice them for the childcare. Suggest you will reimburse them the costs from your pay....

SeaUrchinHat · 16/12/2025 20:13

Entitled pricks are taking over. Or trying to: us ‘pre-social media’ normal people need to hold our own against this kind of behaviour. Eff off and replace your own overpriced sweatshop crap!

BufferingAgain · 16/12/2025 20:13

If a toddler’s hat is so expensive that you can’t afford to act gracefully when someone doing you a favour loses it, then you can’t afford the hat.

Sunflower459 · 16/12/2025 20:14

No good deed goes unpunished, eh OP? Are you sure they’re not trying to pull a fast one? Funny how they didn’t mention the designer thing initially. Either way, tell them they won’t see penny one from you and they can use the money they apparently have in greater volumes than sense and pay for childcare next time they need it.

Winter2020 · 16/12/2025 20:16

Next time they attend a funeral they can take the kids with them or one of them can stay home.

They know the price of everything and the value of nothing. A fancy hat is not worth pissing off a relative that loves your kids and is willing to babysit. If the family is so rich a £200 hat to them is like a £6 hat to us paupers. If they can't afford to lose it then they couldn't afford to choose it.

I would not comment any further and decline future baby sitting.

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