Not replacing the lost items we weren’t told were expensive

[Robinisrosie]

Yesterday I provided some babysitting for my nephews children. His daughters are 2 and 4 and they had a family funeral to attend but didn’t feel comfortable taking the children. I was more than happy to babysit. The 4 year olds school is already broken up for Christmas and the 2 year old doesn’t normally do nursery on a Monday.

We had a lovely day, all was well and when my nephew picked them up he asked where the youngest’s hat and scarf had gone. I couldn’t find them immediately and realised we may have either left them at soft play or in a cafe. He said it was fine, I offered to call the soft play and cafe today to see if they had been handed in.

I called both today and the soft play said they couldn’t be sure and we would have to go and check. I am working this week so I can’t but I told him the soft play etc. and suggested if they are important they can check in, otherwise I’ll go at the weekend. I’ve now received messages stating that they were expensive designer items and while they don’t mind if they are lost they would have appreciated me doing a better job at looking after the items. I’ve now spoken to my sister and she has informed me that the hat alone cost 3 figures and was from Burberry! Who the heck spends that on a hat for a 2 year old?
I appreciate wealth wise we are on very different levels, my nephew and his wife are incredibly well off and she comes from an incredibly well to do family, but surely if you are sending an item worth that much you might want to mention it?
My sister thinks I should pay to replace it but I think that’s bonkers! I’ll happily buy a replacement at a normal price if it isn’t there when I go to check at the weekend but I cannot believe they actually expect me to cough up over £200 for a hat and scarf for a 2 year old!

AIBU?

They should have left their DC with normal hats and scarves.

You were providing free childcare as a relative. It’s not your actual ‘job’. Don’t help again and do not pay anything at all. They are lucky you took the children out and they are silly to spend so much on children’s clothes.

If they spend that kind of money on a hat for a 2 year old then they clearly have money to burn!

Your sister is a cheeky fucker.

they were expensive designer items and while they don’t mind if they are lost ...

Well, she's lying, isn't she! Either they weren't stupidly expensive or she does very much mind losing them.

No more babysitting for them, then 😢 And, no, don't pay.

Asking you to pay after you looked after a 2 and 4 year old (not easy) for free?! Ridiculous. My brother broke some furniture by accident when he was babysitting my kids. Never crossed my mind to ask him to pay. They might be rich but they have no class.

Even if it was Primark, I would find it very irritating if half the kids clothes are missing. I don't see how you manage to lose hat and a scarf.

I don't see how a hat and a scarf constitute half the kids' clothes.

It’s interesting to me how many people are saying they would never babysit again. That’s definitely not how I view it, I don’t plan to make this some destructive family fall out and hold it against them for years to come.
It was a member of nephews wife’s family that passed so maybe her reaction is being exaggerated by just being generally emotional, I know when I am emotional and overwhelmed I can be excessive in my response.
I do also take responsibility for losing them, at the end of the day I appreciate a 2 year old isn’t responsible for their own belongings, I just object to paying that much to replace them when I didn’t know that’s how much they were worth in the first place!
I was feeling a little overwhelmed myself as they didn’t give me a pushchair for the 2 year old and when my own children were that age I wouldn’t have gone anywhere without one. She managed fine without one but the whole time I was just worried she was going to bolt off!

Id also never ask family to pay for me to babysit, they have helped me in the past and I view it as being one of those things you do for family, especially in a time of need.

Blimey O'Reilly 😳 Just looked - their children's beanies are £150 and scarves £260!

If you're going to send your kid out in £400 of accessories, you'd better sew them to the actual child or be so loaded you don't care.

Kids loss stuff all the time

I am with multiple PPs. First and last time. If they ask again, you don’t want to risk losing something expensive for them.

I am very happy to say spending £200;on toddler knitwear is ridiculous. Why should I not say that? It is ridiculous.

Oh just wait until the kids start school and one of them loses a £300 coat or £200 hat... I can just imagine the school WhatsApp chat. 🤣 I honestly couldn't tell you the amount of hats and gloves we have gone over the years. I buy cheap now so it isnt a big deal when another pair goes missing , spending £200 on a toddler hat is ludicrous.

To be honest though, it sounds like your sister is stirring the pot here.

Well-to-do means rich, prosperous etc.

This! I would also be telling them to look elsewhere for childcare in future.

What idiots.

Buy them replacements from Matalan. If they can afford 3 figures for a toddler's hat they can afford to replace them.

This is true but also not true. If one is busy and doing lots of things then, yes, you might not notice a missing hat and scarf. It's easily done. My late DH lost COAT once (expensive tweed), he took it off and forgot about it - a week later he asked where it was and we looked everywhere. Even checked the car boot. He had just forgotten it. By the time we got to checking places we had gone it was too late - no-one remembered. And yes, I did not notice he was not wearing it.

I can’t believe what I’m reading!! You kindly took care of their kids for the day and they have the cheek to tell you off for losing a hat and gloves!?

if they are going to dress their children in designer gear that they are worried about losing - they should have informed you before hand, or just put a normal priced hat on!?

you hve done nothing wrong, kids lose hats and gloves all the time, you absolutely shouldn’t pay to replace the items.

Typical stroppy aggressive "I'm not rude, I'm direct" Mumsnet answer. Have you read the whole thread? The kids parents haven't asked the OP to replace the items.

There has been no destructive family behaviour.

The OP's sister has said she should replace the hat and scarf. OP says that's stupid and she won't. The end.

You sound lovely.
Your nephew and his wife sound grounded.
Your sister sounds insecure. She's the only one bothered.
Let it go.

They're idiots for sending their kids to a soft play centre in designer clothes!
Things get misplaced there all the time, or kids are notorious for sliding about on their knees and generally getting grubby.
I'd be wanting to tell them to get stuffed, especially as you were kind enough to provide them childcare.
Buy them a new hat and scarf if you like, but just a normal one - no way would I be coughing up for a designer one.

OP they’re bothered by the cost because you don’t get rich by letting things go, and you don’t stay rich by handing out £300 hats. Have you not noticed how the ‘well to do’ are regularly tightfisted?

Oh, that's clever, because you turned around what I said and then made out like I was talking about myself! You sure showed your backbone there!

I bet you call a spade a spade and everything!