Not replacing the lost items we weren’t told were expensive

[Robinisrosie]

Yesterday I provided some babysitting for my nephews children. His daughters are 2 and 4 and they had a family funeral to attend but didn’t feel comfortable taking the children. I was more than happy to babysit. The 4 year olds school is already broken up for Christmas and the 2 year old doesn’t normally do nursery on a Monday.

We had a lovely day, all was well and when my nephew picked them up he asked where the youngest’s hat and scarf had gone. I couldn’t find them immediately and realised we may have either left them at soft play or in a cafe. He said it was fine, I offered to call the soft play and cafe today to see if they had been handed in.

I called both today and the soft play said they couldn’t be sure and we would have to go and check. I am working this week so I can’t but I told him the soft play etc. and suggested if they are important they can check in, otherwise I’ll go at the weekend. I’ve now received messages stating that they were expensive designer items and while they don’t mind if they are lost they would have appreciated me doing a better job at looking after the items. I’ve now spoken to my sister and she has informed me that the hat alone cost 3 figures and was from Burberry! Who the heck spends that on a hat for a 2 year old?
I appreciate wealth wise we are on very different levels, my nephew and his wife are incredibly well off and she comes from an incredibly well to do family, but surely if you are sending an item worth that much you might want to mention it?
My sister thinks I should pay to replace it but I think that’s bonkers! I’ll happily buy a replacement at a normal price if it isn’t there when I go to check at the weekend but I cannot believe they actually expect me to cough up over £200 for a hat and scarf for a 2 year old!

AIBU?

Your nephew is fine with it. He was thankful and expressed honestly about being annoyed. Your sister, on the other hand, should not at all be involved.
Her opinion is not important. Maintain a nice relationship with your nephew.
All you need to do is apologise and say that you loved caring for the little ones.

Would the soft play take a photo of the items that they think you lost there?
Just go in when it suits next.

they are peeved as this particular hat is no longer for sale and it cost a lot of money.

If this is right and it’s not basically referring to the child’s mum, I’d find this pretty odd that the dad gave two figs what the child was wearing tbh. In my experience it’s the mum who chooses and buys the vast majority, if not all, their children’s clothes and for the dad to have any investment, other than in a personalised or sentimental item is just strange to me.

I accept some dads do take an interest, and the fact this item was ludicrously expensive has some bearing on this instance, but I assume all this child’s clothes would be on the expensive side, if they’re paying 3 figures for something they’ll probably grow out of in a years time. Maybe he’s reacting to his wife’s response bc she’s particularly upset and he personally isn’t that bothered.

The thread is clearly ‘can you believe the price of the hat and scarf?’ rather than they are expecting me to replace it…
Most are too triggered to read to read it properly though.

What a ridiculois statement? Care to clarify what is that "anything" peoole deserve. Should everyone dress in primark clearance to keep u happy?

Sounds like it's your sister sticking her oar in really. One could question whether it was unbecoming for your nephew to have mentioned the cost, but he's not asking for the money. I do t think you did anything wrong. These things happen.

I bought 3x£1 hats for DD for nursery and labelled everything because she was bound to lose things and I didn't want to be upset. She had all of them for years.

£100 PE kits though and school coats on the other hand...She still gets her stuff second hand as she has executive function difficulties.

It's bizarre isn't it.

I think we can all agree that £200 is too much for a child's hat but the level of vitriol on this thread is another level, especially considering he has told her it's fine.

People suggesting OP tell her nephew to fuck off and send him an invoice for £200 of babysitting 🤦🏻‍♀️

Happens on so many threads. I wonder how many of these keyboard warriors would actually take their own advice. I expect not many, given their actions would cause a total breakdown of the relationship.

I’d be disappointed you weren’t careful and were so blasé about children’s forgotten accessories, regardless of the cost of them.

Unpopular opinion - soft play is an indoor cesspit of germs!

I would be a bit annoyed if my Mum took the kids out and came back without a hat and scarf and we don’t have expensive or designer stuff. Gloves fall out of pockets and get lost but I wouldn’t expect a hat AND a scarf to go missing. I would have put it in a bag whilst in soft play.

I probably wouldn’t say anything though.

YANBU to expect them to mention the price of their kids accessories because that's tacky as hell. Though they were equally at fault for sending small kids on a long day out with those on because there's always a chance things get lost.

You need to go to the cafe and soft play and check for yourself! Those sort of places will never confirm on the phone if something was found because a) they don't give a shit and b) they will have unreasonable twats demanding the items to be packaged and mailed to them which is entirely outside the job of a cafe. However if a customer comes in personally they'd be happy to show you the lost items.

I would go out of my way to go to the soft play and check. Then I would try my hardest to buy them off Vinted/ebay. If nothing I would apologise.

yes it’s a mad amount of money but I hate losing things

And manners!

They're probably the equivalent of my Rolex watch which cost me all of $10 in Tijuana or the North Face jackets being sold on stalls near the Great Wall of China. There used to be a lot of fake Burberry round too.

You could call up the bus company and see if it was left on the bus? I'd call up the play centre too. You never know someone might have handed it in.

True .

They didn't actually say to replace them did they? There's no way you should. And if they really are worth that much someone would've pinched them from soft play or the cafe in a heartbeat.

Sorry, but I struggled to get past £200 for a hat and scarf for a child. 😂

YANBU of course @Robinisrosie

😂😂😂

When I buy expensive items for my toddler, I accept that they may get lost. If I couldn't accept that then I wouldn't buy them!

This.

You were looking after them so they could do what they needed. Then this.

Don't help the awful pair out again. Don't sgell out for designer items either. They are a pair of prats.

This is a valuable lesson for them!

Probably the items got lost because the parents sent their child to OP without a stroller, which prevented her having any way to ensure the child was ever still, and forcing her to focus her attention on the physical aspect of keeping up with the child (little kids are fast and chaotic!) and leaving her with insufficient ability to also be checking areas for lost hats and scarves.

By the same token, if you send the kid with a stroller, then the caregiver can store the hat and scarf IN the stroller while the child is playing. If you don't, then the hat and scarf must be placed somewhere, as you surely don't expect the child to play in a warm softplay while wearing heavy outdoor clothing. Likely the hat and scarf would be on a table, therefore very easily they could have been stolen while OP's attention was on the child. OP isn't used to this child's possessions and in the busyness of caring for the child might not even have remembered the child had them, especially if it was a warm day.

Why are they awful?

Tell him you were too busy looking after the more valuable items....the children !!!!

This!

I quite shocked they followed up with you about it rather than just reassuring you these things happened, especially after you so kindly baby-sat.

Please don't feel under any pressure to replace them. You did nothing wrong. These things sometimes happen, all parents know that.