Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

[OneGreenPoster]

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

Wow, so did you miss the paragraph in OP's very first post? "A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged. He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right. She was upset at the time, but it was left at that." That WAS the "proper conversation" that she initiated with him and he just dismissed her - he's the one who's immature, not her. 🙄

@99bottlesofkombucha I don't think you know what 'incel' means.

🤣🤣

A big lesson for your son here.

Sounds like he thought he could decide the pace of the relationship unilaterally. A very old-fashioned notion.

You seem to think his ex has lost a massive catch. But there's nothing decent about a man dismissing his girlfriend's feelings about marriage when they've been together 3 years in their late twenties.

Three years is long enough to know - but he was not willing to even discuss timelines with her. That’s the issue. So she took her life in her own hands.

Awww ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏👏👏👏

No, it’s accurate.

Christ, don’t be ridiculous. She’s only 27. The pool is deep to find a man who won’t drag his feet, as she sees it.

Silly boy/man - she gave him enough warnings and he took her for granted big time. May be too little too late now.

She mentioned it once.
If she really wanted to get married then she would have mentioned it again and then explained what are she wanted to be married by.

No not necessarily, I’d find it humiliating to have to keep bringing it up to a man who thinks my house is good enough to live in but seems reluctant to marry me despite me already expressing my wishes regarding that.

I recall in my 20s dating this guy, calling and texting him every single day and travelling to see him.

After 2 months I asked if we were a couple and he said no he still wasn’t sure. It was an instant goodbye.

He reacted the same way as OPs son, all incredulous and trying to backtrack but it was too late. The damage was done, I wanted someone who was keen to snap me up and was at least as eager to take our relationship to the next step. I can imagine the stakes are even higher when it’s a marriage proposal the women is hoping for as opposed to girlfriend status!

So yeah her not bringing it up again should have rang alarm bells for him and kicked him into action. Instead he thought he could just drag his feet.

Oh Gawd, don't be that person, you sound like a MIL from hell in the making!
30 and 27?! They're not kids! Don't go meddling in their relationship.
You say you won't emotionally blackmail her, but what the heck do you think it is if you go ringing her up telling her how much he loves her and there aren't many good men out there?!
You're going to come across as barking.

Seriously? Why would you want your son to be with her after this?

Regardless. Keep your nose out.

Ew! I missed this.

OP is clearly a misogynist - they love blaming single women!

The waitingtowed subreddit has SO many posts from women in your DS’s ex’s position. Being strung alone, no timeline, not ready yet, don’t want to talk about it. Some of the women wait, being told they’re the future wife and suddenly 10 years past and the biological clock is seriously ticking.

Shes 27. She’ll be just fine. Your DS will probably marry the next girlfriend after a year or so just to make sure he keeps her after dropping the ball with his ex.

He wanted to marry her he wasn't going to just string her along forever

he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet

Contradictory. Sounds like he didn't know what he wanted - and she didn't know what he wanted either.

He wanted to marry her he wasn't going to just string her along forever

That’s not the message he was giving her when he said he wanted to marry her but didn’t want to put timeline on it. He said it was literally stringing her along. If he wanted to marry her he should have just got on with it. She probably sees him in a different light now and want to see what other options she has. And he realises what he’s lost and that’s sad for him.

I don’t think it’s wrong to break up with him before Christmas - at least it’s honest. Stringing him along until after Christmas and then breaking up with him is worse.

Delusional.

She doesn't need you to talk sense into her. She's already seen sense and acted accordingly.

So they're still living together. I think there's a chance she's just putting the frighteners on him. If so, it's worked.

If she was serious, surely she'd just send him home to mummy and get the locks changed, not let him hang around like a bad smell.

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

couldn’t have said this better myself. I actually tell partners if I go suddenly go quiet over something I’ve been going on about just know it is unlikely to end well but as usual it goes through one ear and outta the other and then they wonder why we ended.

As I’ve aged I don’t even go on anymore, I say it once and if no joy, toodles!!

He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right. Where'd he pluck these pearls of wisdom from? A late entrant for the phrases most likely to induce ick 2025 award if ever I heard one 😂😂

Well your husband is correct, it is his fault, and you shouldn’t get his hopes up.

There was a phrase around the exit negotiations “Other people have sovereignty too.” To the extent that he thought about her at all, he assumed that she is so bovine that should live on his pleasing. Having told her, it never occurred to him that she would hear what he said and make her own decision. And why should she, given that he had dismissed having the conversation? He had absolutely no interest in her plans, nor respect for her right to have plans. That’s why people say he didn’t live her - she’s just convenient for him.

As his mother, the worst thing you can do is give him any sympathy. If his boss said “I ‘ll give you a promotion, but any talk of when is silliness.” We all know his CV would be sent out faster than you can imagine, and his boss would be told Thanks but No Thanks. It’s just the same.

OP did you really expect her to sit around like a meek little woman hoping for a proposal at some point in the future? 1950’s are calling…

So he doesnt respect her feelings or her time and dismissed her concerns, and HE is the reasonable one? Why shouldn't she make use of the festive period to take her mind off a break up and enjoy herself? Its probably not easy for her to accept she's wasted three years on someone who can't even be bothered to discuss committing to her! Good on her for knowing her worth and not wasting any more time! Life is too short.

She tried to talk to him about timelines and he completely dismissed it. How many times is she supposed to raise it?