Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

I don’t think anyone should feel pressured into having a drink, and I would never wish someone would rather stay away than have a sober evening. However, in OP’s defence, I do completely see how much this changes the whole dynamic of the evening. I have someone in my life who, with a couple of drinks will laugh more and join in silly games. When they are sober, they sit on their phone looking utterly bored and barely join in any conversation. They usually want to leave early when their spouse wants to stay longer. It absolutely CAN alter the entire vibe of the day.

Oh dear. Time for a bit of self reflection I think op. Why do you think him being sober will make him a 'spectator'? What do you plan on doing that he needs to be drunk for?

It’s only me and Dh and him and so me and Dh wanted to have a drink together and he’ll be sat there sober and I just feel like I won’t be able to relax while he’s there

Nobody's stopping you and DH having a drink together though?!
Why can't you relax if someone isn't drinking exactly what you want them to?
Sounds a bit controlling to be honest!

This is so weird. Admittedly I only have a drink once or twice a year so I'm coming at it from the other direction, but I can't imagine feeling like this. I'm spending Christmas day with 3 other adults and I don't think any of us will have a drink, we never have any previous year.

No this wouldn’t bother me at all. DH and I love a drink but at various points we’ve both decided not to drink for a short while because we need to get our health on track or we’re very tired generally or finding it hard to deal with everything we have to do through the fog of booze. I imagine many people are the same.

I’d think hard about why this is such an issue for you. It could be you have a problem with alcohol or have invested too much in an idea of how Christmas should be and want to control it for everyone to make sure it happens.

Op you and your dh have drinking problems. Maybe take a leaf out of your guests book & knock drinking on the head!

As somebody who doesn’t drink, and has never done, I can never understand why my choice not to drink alcohol impacts somebody else so greatly.

People can still have fun without being under the influence of a substance.

I don’t drink at all. When at events I don’t sit there watching everyone and taking notes to tell them about the next day, I enjoy it just as much as everyone else. I have a laugh play silly games etc.

Your guest has decided not to drink that’s up to them. Would you feel the same if one of your guests was pregnant? Would you say to them you feel uncomfortable with them attending as they can’t drink on this occasion?

You are making a problem when there isn’t one.

Why do you think "not drinking" equals "spectating"?

It's a really odd framing. You'd happily have supplied alcohol, but you're miffed that he's asked if you'll supply something he'll actually drink, and you're unhappy that h wants to enjoy himself in a way that doesn't exactly align to yours.

You sound very rigid and not very much fun.

YABU & annoying

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Hoping for a Threesome maybe? 😂

This is exactly what he is like, he won’t talk to us or join in anything, he’ll just sit on his phone disapproving.

So you would have been happy to buy him alcohol but you are outraged about having to buy him non-alcoholic beer or soft drinks? That is so many shades of unreasonable I don’t know where to start.

You obviously have no idea how to enjoy yourself without being drunk.

Honestly if I were your friend I would leave you to your drunken antics and go somewhere else.

What a weird take. Why on earth would you feel uncomfortable with a sober person??

Oh grow up!

But yes he should have said he would bring his beer. There’s enough to think about and he should be contributing anyway.

Oof, good job that poster threw you that life line, you were really struggling to come up with a good reason!

Exactly. The only YANBU would be if the non-drinker was making a fuss or asking others not to. I genuinely don't get this.

He’s not a friend he’s dh’s family.

Honestly - it's these kind of attitudes that made it really hard for my husband - he is in recovery (sober 5 years 🥰) but he encountered this kind of bullshit when he finally admitted he had a problem - not being invited to things, being called boring, several of his "friends" had a go at ME saying I was being controlling not letting him drink etc. thankfully, his experiences weeded out the shit friends and showed him who the decent people in his life were and these are the friendships that stick!
These attitudes to alcohol are awful. It's so sad that people would say they don't want someone in their house because they are not drinking alcohol?! WTAF.

And this. Time for a bit of soul searching about your reliance on alcohol to have fun.

But if he was drinking alcohol you would happily buy it? Why would you feel uncomfortable drinking with someone who isn't. I have a friend who doesn't drink at all, and a friend who barely drinks if we go to the pub I will drink and they won't or a couple of us will and they won't and I've never even considered it an issue.
We have family round on Xmas day, 4 parents, 2 are driving so obviously won't be drinking, 1 other doesn't drink and the other might have a couple but might not. Me and DH will have some drinks regardless, it makes no difference whatsoever what others are drinking.

Yeah this is me! I have probably about 5 drinks in a whole year and yet am often the first on a dance floor. If someone felt like I was a spectator to a party just because I wasn't drinking a certain amount I'm not sure we'd be friends long tbh. How very strange to judge your friendships on their alcohol consumption levels.

How you know he is “just going to sit there”? Just because he’s not pissed, he can still join in with games and have fun. I like a drink if it’sa big boozy night out with friends, but I don’t drink at home or with family. I never drink at Christmas with my family, they’ll have some wines and baileys. We play games and I am hugely involved, even without a drink in me I’m still lots of and contribute lots to the quizzing and gaming. Also when I was pregnant I still went on lots of nights out and had a great time. I’d like to think none of my friends were so horrible as to say they wished I wasn’t there.

So you binge drink then? Argueably a drink problem! I stopped drinking when going through fertility treatment 11 years ago and never really started drinking again, my god if I thought for a minute my family were anything like you that would be the last Christmas or any family event I spent with them. There is more to life than getting drunk at a party.