Page 20 | Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

wakinginthenight · 2025-12-15T09:28:08+00:00

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves. We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking. He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion. I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching. I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

PodMom · 15/12/2025 12:24

I think the issue is you say that he will be sat there disapproving on his phone rather than not drinking.

If you know that's what he will be like rather than just assuming that anyone who doesn't drink will be disapproving then yes he will change the dynamic of the evening potentially.

So which is it - you know he will be like this or do you just think if he's sober he'll be like this? Because I don't drink but if I go to a party I have fun and join in, I don't sit there disapproving.

Original poster

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 12:24

BunnyLake · 15/12/2025 12:13

Op said we all plan on drinking and he’ll be the only one not. Strange to use the word all when just talking about yourself and spouse.

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We plan on us all drinking, not one person just turning up to judge.
Good grief no wonder people do turn to drink.

OP posts:

Zippedydodah · 15/12/2025 12:26

ThatOpenTraybake · 15/12/2025 09:30

Sorry to say that you and your DH have drink problems.

That doesn't mean you're alcoholics but the only people that are ever bothered by people not drinking around them, are people who have drink problems.

Edited for spelling

Edited

I agree. With your attitude towards those who don’t drink I would refuse any invitations from you.
I can have a perfectly good time without drinking .

ItsAHare · 15/12/2025 12:26

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 12:19

I was quoting a poster who said shit faced and making a point that I should be able to in my own home.

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Around your primary aged DC? On Christmas Day? With no sober adults around who might remember what happened?

You could just moderate your drinking, like other responsible parents do, instead of both getting pissed around your kids. No need to worry about saying something offensive that your stepson could ‘remember’ then, is there?

We can all see what you’ve said.

TeenageSu1cideDontDoit · 15/12/2025 12:26

So if a relative was pregnant and not drinking at Christmas would that also be a problem for you? It's very strange there are lots of reasons people don't want to drink. I used to like a drink especially at Christmas, but since peri hit I just can't handle alcohol anymore. So I won't be drinking at Christmas either, others will. No one is bothered.

shhblackbag · 15/12/2025 12:27

ItsAHare · 15/12/2025 12:26

Around your primary aged DC? On Christmas Day? With no sober adults around who might remember what happened?

You could just moderate your drinking, like other responsible parents do, instead of both getting pissed around your kids. No need to worry about saying something offensive that your stepson could ‘remember’ then, is there?

We can all see what you’ve said.

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Nailed it.

Owlmoonstar · 15/12/2025 12:27

I think everyone is being a bit too hard on OP.

If her and hubby want to let their hair down on Xmas day then that's up to them. Life is stressful. Do what makes you happy etc.

And if having someone sat there stone cold sober kinda ruins that vibe then I can understand that.

It was a bit misleading as it seemed like there was a whole bunch of people coming for a party, and having just one person sober wouldn't have been noticeable.

OP just do what you like. He's 25. If he isn't enjoying your company because your having a drink, he can just go home. Or, just plan your Xmas drinks for another evening? Either way, eat drink and be merry. You only live once.

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2025 12:27

@wakinginthenight

I’ve already said he gets offended very easily so you always have to be careful what you say around him and we don’t want to have to be careful, we just want to have a nice chilled day a few drinks, some music and play games with the kids without worrying about what he thinks, I never said we wanted to get completely drunk and become alcoholics.

In my experience whenever says "he/she gets offended very easily" it's invariably because there is something to get offended by.

You're massively back-tracking from your original post which is that you wanted to get roaring drunk and thought this unspecified "other person" was going to kill your buzz. It now transpires that you actually don't like your stepson very much because you think he's going to judge you from drinking too much.

You didn't say you wanted to get "completely drunk" but why would you want to hide your drinking from him if you just wanted "a few drinks" and to play games with the kids.

Its very clear that the reason your stepson "gets offended" is because you don't like him, and I can't blame him.

PurpleThistle7 · 15/12/2025 12:27

I am so confused. It's not a party or a get together - it's 2 parents and their 3 children. OP - if you genuinely need to drink to enjoy a day with your children and your stepchild.... that's super odd. And if you are worried about your actual stepchild remembering what you are saying and doing on Christmas day - that's actually really worrying for your younger children. Of course plenty of parents drink (I've had a couple drinks around my kids!) but someone has to be in charge and if you and your husband - the only other adults there - are aiming for 'shitfaced' then who exactly is in charge?

Maybe he's staying sober so someone is!

BunnyLake · 15/12/2025 12:28

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 12:23

It’s a tough one and I can see where you’re coming from OP. It depends on what they’re like sober. You mentioned they normally are a drinker. What are they like when not drinking. Do they come across as judgmental or miserable? If they are judgmental by nature then I can see why you’d be worried about them dragging down the tone of the party. And I can see why you’d be more cautious to fully let your hair down and not worry about the consequences. But plenty of people don’t drink and are fun, and can enjoy the party.

With you saying they normally drink and just chose not to for this one event, I think I’d be the same as you.

I had a gathering recently and put on loads of nice food knowing that the guests would enjoy it, but three people attending weren’t eating or drinking anything as they’re all on weight loss jabs (I didn’t know that until they were there). It lowered the tone of the event. And they seemed miserable.

And to those accusing you of having an alcohol problem for wanting to get drunk at Christmas… have a word. Seriously.

I don’t think you should get drunk when you have children in the house (ex was an alcoholic). It’s the epitome of selfishness to put your own desire to get pissed above the well being of children in your care.

andthat · 15/12/2025 12:29

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:31

I can have the opinion that I’d rather not have someone in my home sitting there as a spectator.
I’m entitled to feel uncomfortable about their presence in those circumstances.

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Wow. Tell your friend that your ‘friendship’ is conditional on them being pissed.

You sound pretty awful.

insomniacalways · 15/12/2025 12:30

Wow, just because someone doesn't drink does not make them a spectator. Lots of fun people don't drink.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 15/12/2025 12:31

Having read all your updates (quite the dripfeed there OP), it seems the issue is you don't mind your stepson but he's a pain at Christmas because he's miserable about other people drinking - correct?

As he's your SS you just have to suck it up this year - get drunk some other night - and he can go to his mums next year.

However, given you have small kids, I don't know what the problem is as this cannot be a real drinking session?

If he doesn't join in with games that's annoying - your DH should have a word with him and ask him to do so for the kids - if he's coming for a family Christmas he should also play his part - if he doesn't want to join in games he should head off after dinner.

From your concern about him 'remembering stuff' it does seem there is more going on here (remember what? It's a family party not the last days of Rome.) and either you and DH do get v drunk, in which case if you are in charge of small kids he probably has a point - or you don't and he is a killjoy, in which case he is your stepson, so you can suck it up for one year, whilst telling him to join in w the kids, and he can go to his mums next year. Family life does involve some compromise and this isn't huge.

ThatOpenTraybake · 15/12/2025 12:31

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 12:17

We don’t want to host, we are staying home this year and just having a few drinks ourselves.
We made our plans and then he told us he was coming, now we’re not very good hosts?

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"We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking"

Christmas must be tricky when you don’t understand that you and your DH doesn’t mean 'we all' and that saying one person not drinking doesn’t imply more people than just one other in addition to 'all'

Are pronouns usually a problem for you?

And 'all letting your hair down' you meant just you and your DH? Watched by your primary aged DC? Or are they 'letting their hair down' too?

What does 'letting your hair down' mean to you?

And that a 'good amount of drink' doesn’t really mean a lot or more than usual?

Do you struggle with describing events outside of Christmas?

ByWisePanda · 15/12/2025 12:32

TheTaupeScroller · 15/12/2025 12:07

what a wonderful day for your young children, no wonder some people hate Christmas once adults.

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I drank around my kids on Christmas day and now they are adults they enjoy a tipple now and then. There's nothing wrong with that.

Original poster

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 12:32

Zippedydodah · 15/12/2025 12:26

I agree. With your attitude towards those who don’t drink I would refuse any invitations from you.
I can have a perfectly good time without drinking .

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Absolutely no invitations were sent out.

OP posts:

StarlightRobot · 15/12/2025 12:33

You resent your partner’s son for not drinking at Christmas, and would rather he isn’t there? Poor guy, that’s awful. I feel really sorry for the son, this is his dad and Christmas day for goodness sake!

StarlightRobot · 15/12/2025 12:34

If seems like the OP loves alcohol more than family. This is the most un-Christmassy thing I have ever read 😢

justpassmethemouse · 15/12/2025 12:36

I understand where you’re coming from OP. It’s like you as a group have agreed to put yourselves in a “lowered inhibitions” state, and when one person hasn’t made that agreement it changes the dynamic slightly.

LiftAndLetLift · 15/12/2025 12:37

No idea why OP bothered to post this thread in the first place.

Everyone: you're being a dick
OP: no, I'm right!

It's clear she dislikes her poor step son. I feel for him.

HoorayHettie · 15/12/2025 12:38

Honestly, it was so refreshing a couple of days ago to read a thread from an OP who asked if she was being unreasonable. When several PP's replied yes, she was being unreasonable and explained the reasons why, the OP replied with thanks for the honesty and said she understood what they were saying and now viewed things from a different perspective

Unlike this OP . . . . .

PurpleThistle7 · 15/12/2025 12:38

justpassmethemouse · 15/12/2025 12:36

I understand where you’re coming from OP. It’s like you as a group have agreed to put yourselves in a “lowered inhibitions” state, and when one person hasn’t made that agreement it changes the dynamic slightly.

Read the follow ups. There's no group!

StarlightRobot · 15/12/2025 12:38

But @justpassmethemouse the dynamic here is a young man spending Christmas day with his dad, ie his family at Christmas! It’s not as though the son is gatecrashing a rave. Christmas is about family but the OP is resentful that it may be appropriate to moderate her plans for getting wasted.

TheBlueHedgehog · 15/12/2025 12:39

justpassmethemouse · 15/12/2025 12:36

I understand where you’re coming from OP. It’s like you as a group have agreed to put yourselves in a “lowered inhibitions” state, and when one person hasn’t made that agreement it changes the dynamic slightly.

I could sort of understand this but the 'group' is OP and DH who are spending the day with their small children and the 'one person' is DH's adult son.

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 12:39

Owlmoonstar · 15/12/2025 12:27

I think everyone is being a bit too hard on OP.

If her and hubby want to let their hair down on Xmas day then that's up to them. Life is stressful. Do what makes you happy etc.

And if having someone sat there stone cold sober kinda ruins that vibe then I can understand that.

It was a bit misleading as it seemed like there was a whole bunch of people coming for a party, and having just one person sober wouldn't have been noticeable.

OP just do what you like. He's 25. If he isn't enjoying your company because your having a drink, he can just go home. Or, just plan your Xmas drinks for another evening? Either way, eat drink and be merry. You only live once.

I agree. People are being horrible. The OP is a real person voicing something real and honestly.

True we don’t know the full detail. But it sounds like the crossover of two worlds. The step sons world with theirs. They want him to taste their world and their version of fun and he doesn’t want to be involved. Just be there, not to participate as it sounds like he normally would if it were a different couple he was spending time with. Maybe he’s worse than OP is letting on. Maybe his mum is a nightmare and is sending him there for something to gossip about