Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

Absolutely. The real story here is:

My step-son thinks I drink too much and make his dad drink too much. I don't want him around at Christmas because he shows up how embarrassing my behaviour is when I'm drunk.

Would I be unreasonable to uninvite him from spending Christmas with his dad because I want to make a twat of myself without being judged and am I tight for not wanting to spend a couple of quid on some non-alcoholic beers.

what a ridicilous view you have! As though the person not drinking is somehow creepy. I hope there are no children in this mess. I bet the person not drinking will be THE person to go to should anyone have an accident or need some help.

98% of people are saying you are unreasonable. Please listen to them!

"Remember everything"? Are the party games going to be naked party games...?

I like a drink too, but I'm always a bit suspicious of people who seem to care whether others drink or not - makes me think they have a problem with alcohol at worst, and are just a bit rude at best. I mean, you don't draw attention to it if someone doesn't drink - they may be a recovering alcoholic, or not ready to tell people they're pregnant yet or whatever. Maybe this relative actually has a health issue he doesn't want to announce; you can't be sure. Same with food - people don't want to be made to feel like freaks because of their allergies / diets / veganism / whatever. You don't go "Oh no, Adam won't want the bacon BECAUSE HE'S JEWISH" at the top of your lungs. You just let people put what they choose in their own faces, and act like you don't even notice, let alone care.

Omg! I didn't see this update. Well it is clear OP resents him and would rather he wasn't around (alive???).

I think OP needs to have her "drinking day" on another day, perhaps? The son probably feels uncomfortable and unwanted around drunk parents.

At a minimum, she should just respect his wishes to be alcohol free that day and not be so weird about it.

I find this abundantly bizarre - that your DH (and you, but it's your DH's child) didn't even think to explicitly invite his own son.

But either way, if he disapproves, so what? One of my kids disapproves of me hugging or kissing her dad 😂 (and I mean a peck, before anyone jumps on me, I don't snog him in front of the kids!!) She says yuck, we laugh, everyone moves on. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think the difference could be that I'm not ashamed of my behaviour...

Yeah I thought that comment was particularly bizarre 😂WTF are the OP and her husband going to be doing that they don't want "remembering"?!

So I see there are children involved. Why does that not surprise me!

Making great Christmas memories for your kids....who BTW will remember your cringe drunken behaviour on what's meant to be a family day.

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I’m often the one not drinking/designated driver.
I can’t see how it would be an issue

It’s actually not it’s HIS dislike or resentment of us having a drink at Christmas in our own home.
He is always calling in and has a meal and we get along fine and do a lot for him and nobody has a drink then but it’s Christmas and we want to, so him feeling uncomfortable about us having a drink is obviously going to make us uncomfortable.
He is quite partial to a few drinks so he only gets cringy when he’s not and we are.

Full of nuns on this thread. Op you have patience of a saint. Don't allow your step son to rule the roost. Drink and enjoy yourselves he can either enjoy his time with his family or spend Christmas alone. If I was you I would push him into playing with his siblings instead of sitting around looking at his phone and hating life.

Where will your children (primary school age) be when you are getting "shitfaced"?

At least your sober stepson will be there as the responsible adult....

Unbelievable....

Lots of people have a few drinks at Christmas (starting the morning with a Bucks Fizz is not a usual work day thing for example), but not to the extent another person there (not drinking) puts a spanner in the day. The whole thing just sounds so weird. You have children there so why on earth is getting so drunk you don’t want others privy to your drunken behaviour, acceptable to you? It sounds like dysfunctional parenting to me.

And this is the ridiculous culture we are in🙄

wow

Wow.

Gonna throw the OP a bone here....have you spoken to him about feeling like he disapproves? I don't drink much, having grown up in a house with an alcoholic I found seeing adults overindulging to be not to my taste. I was fine with people my age on a night out, but not people drinking at home. However, DH does enjoy a nice bottle of wine and me judging was causing issues. So we spoke about it, we spoke about the fact that he as a grown man has a right to have a drink or two or three in his own home on occasion and that it wasn't up to me to be monitoring his alcohol intake. The difference here is that obviously we're partners so we spoke about responsibilities of young children and getting up the next day, plus the finances of it and how much would be too much or too often, but we found a middle ground. It's taken me time, maturity and conversations with people to realise it's largely none of my business and I should be more live and let live.

If this chap is your step-son he's not going anywhere. Perhaps it's time for an adult to adult chat about being less judgemental, so you can be more welcoming of him and feel comfortable letting your hair down in your own home at Christmas?

Why should we have our drink on another day?
We bought it for Christmas, we didn’t know he was going to come.

Yes, they do. I had a glass of wine last night.

Definitely wouldn’t, when responsible for young children, continue drinking until I was worried about sober people remembering what happened the next day. At that level of drunkenness you need at least one sober adult around - brilliant your stepson won’t be pissed; frees you up to ‘let your hair down’ without worrying about your kids cramping your style.

You said “I know IABU” in your OP. You’ve now had over 1300 votes and 98% agree: YABU. Why are you still arguing?

But when you are saying things like "we don't want him there because he will remember everything" then it is pretty clear that your behaviour is a bit odd and unacceptable.

Me and DH love a drink - especially at Christmas. But even if we have a champagne / Bucks Fizz at breakfast, a few wines throughout dinner / the afternoon and then port or Baileys after dinner, we're not going to be shitfaced or doing anything embarrassing (apart from me probably falling asleep on the sofa).

Your children will be relieved to have someone in the house who is sober as their parents intend to get drunk.

The op only has a drink on special occasions. You're all making out as if she's a raging alcoholic. Stop with your projections see someone who can help you in real life.

I agree with this. On the one hand, let him work away if he's going to judge, that's on him not you. On the other hand, the fact that you drinking is very much a plan and a big part of the day when you've young children is a bit odd to me. Yes as a pp says a glass of this or that as the day goes on but the main plan appearing to be drinking seems strange.

'....he’ll be sat there sober and I just feel like I won’t be able to relax while he’s there.'

Honestly OP, this is very much a You Problem. Why would you feel like someone is spectating/ judging you just because they aren't drinking?

Have you ever stopped to wonder why he's resentful of you having a drink at Christmas?

This is all about you and your 'need' to get pissed out of your skull at Christmas. You seem not once to have asked yourself the question as to why it makes him uncomfortable.

Could it possibly be because of the nature of your relationship with him? Because the pair of you overdo it and end up embarrassing him?

These things seem not to have crossed your mind at all and you assume that your right to get plastered takes precedence over his need to spend quality family time with his father.

I don't know your stepson, maybe he genuinely is selfish. But if I were you and I valued your relationship with him and his father I'd ask myself these questions.