Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

So the picture that's now emerging is that you are uncomfortable about having hour husband's son around at Christmas because he dislikes the way you both drink. Possibly (though admittedly this is just my speculation but it's a picture I've seen before) he feels you make his dad drink more than he would do left to his own devices.

The step son has indicated previously, whether directly or not, that he's uncomfortable being around the pair of you when you're drunk, you sense this and feel judged.

Well, I'm the husband's son in this situation. I was profoundly uncomfortable at Christmas every year with my dad's drinking. I found it boring and humiliating and thought he looked like an idiot. I'm actually still pretty traumatised, in my early 50s, by my dad's drinking.

So the reason you don't want your husband's son around is because he holds a mirror up to you and reveals what an embarrassment you are when drunk and the fact that he is clearly uncomfortable with it shows you feel guilty.

You're being incredibly selfish. And if you value your marriage, I'd give a bit of thought to the unintended consequences of this behaviour for your husband and his long-term relationship with his son. Because if he distances himself from the pair of you, your spiteful and selfish attitude will have been a factor here.

You and your husband can get dribbling drunk and make twats out of yourself if you really want to. You can choose to do it on a day when his son isn't there. Be a grown-up and deal with it.

Your original post is miles away from this post. Not comparable

How do you know he's judging you, though? He more than likely doesn't give a shit what you're drinking - just doing his own thing!

And it takes a 'good amount' of drink to get you even slightly tipsy?

That's quite unusual for someone who doesn't often drink alcohol.

I’d rather not have anything to do with you at all if I were them. Are you planning on putting keys in a bowl or something?

You are ridiculous.

I see it’s your dh’s son.

I think you have a drink problem if you’re upset you can’t get drunk as planned.

OP, I think you're being ridiculous and unfair to the "guest", is he a step-child? You mention he is family of DH? It honestly feels like you resent him...

I think if it bothers you that much, tell him not to come, or time box his visit (come for lunch only and then leave), or arrange something you'll all enjoy (it doesn't sound like he'll be having fun) like some food out in the new year.

I'm someone who used to drink a lot, but I've really cut down (from drinking multiple days a week, to only drinking on 5 occasions this year) - I could imagine someone thinking the same about me, and it really harms alcohol recovery/health journeys.

Do yourself a favour and him a favour. Tell him you plan to be drinking heavily and you're worried he won't enjoy it, and suggest you see him another time. Alternatively just do your drinking on another day (e.g. the day after??). Do you even like or care about this guy?

Sounds like you just don’t like your stepson tbh.

You have small children there, and yet you say it’s annoying that your stepson will be there to, in your words, “remember everything”. So are you going to get so drunk you’re forgetting what happened?

And there we have it, on your own with your partner and small children. Here's a fascinating fact for you. Your step son is part of your immediate family. He is your partner's son just as much as your children are his kids. You need to face that and overcome it. God I would detest you as a step parent

But they won’t. They will just pull awkward faces while we do.

No, just very boring when drunk, like most drunks. Personally if I'm not drinking, possibly because I'm driving, I don't mind being with people who are having a social drink, but have no desire to be with anybody drunk.

yes.

Sometime a lot more than a drink. It's good for kids to see their parents having fun.

but being miffed about the non-drinkers becaue they are just going to sit there and remember everything?
What do you think you get up to that adults shouldn't remember but kids will have to put up with?

I am seriously hoping this thread is a wind-up.

At least the primary aged kids will have one responsible adult there.

My DH can get drunk and still remember everything. Would he be banned from your Christmas too?

'We all intend to have a good amount of drink'

Now you're saying there'll be primary school aged children there. More proof you have a drinking problem if you can't see how wrong it is to get drunk in front of them, I'm sure you'll minimise or outright deny it will have a negative effect on them.
Poor kids, I'm glad your stepson will be there so there's one responsible adult in the house but they shouldn't have to witness that in the first place.

'People do have a drink occasionally when they have children. (In real life)'

Only problem drinkers think it's ok to get drunk in front of their children

I like a drink more than most, but I have never ever had an issue with someone else not drinking. The fact that you do does imply your drinking is an issue, or you except to behave in a particularly problematic way beyond just being merry.

Either that or you don't really like your stepson.

Surely then it's the not joining in that's the problem, not what their glass has in it?

We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.

This is seriously bizarre. The way you have worded your OP is completely different to what the actual plan is.

We ALL intend to have a good amount to drink

But it's actually just you and your husband drinking?

Don't worry, you won't remember if he's been pulling faces.

OP said he's DH's son.

At my daughter's home I will probably have a small glass of wine with dinner after which I will be on soft drinks, does that make me an awful guest?

You really don't like this lad do you?

Well I would imaging you must have a high tolerance then because I don’t need much at all.

Probably because its cringey watching your dad & step mum get pissed up and do embarrassing behaviour. Can’t exactly blame him op.

Brownie points if you have a good memory and you have a face that shows what you think 😅

Well I was going to add, ‘and even more boring when drunk’ but thought I might get roasted as pearl clutching. 😂