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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have left my parents’ house without saying goodbye

136 replies

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 08:32

Until lockdown my parents were proud early risers. They regarded lying in as utter laziness. Anything later than 6:30 was indulgent, and after 8:00 was greeted with a ‘good afternoon’ and a warning that we were missing the best part of the day. They retired just before lockdown and during lockdown they turned into proper night owls and are not up until after 9:00. They don’t seem to realise this though and still say what larks they are and how early they get up.

This weekend my husband and baby were all at my parents house, and I said that we’d need to leave at 8:30 on Sunday because we had tickets to an event and needed to get there on time. They replied ‘oh well you know us, we’re up with the larks’ and similar when I reminded them before bedtime we’d be leaving at 8:30. Predictably when we were leaving they weren’t up and there was no signs that they were awake so we left to go the event. I had a text asking where we are, and when I said we’d left my mum said it would have been nice to say goodbye and hasn’t engaged with the photos I sent of the event, and hasn’t messaged her Wordle score to me either (which sounds small but we both have a 1000 day streak and have sent our results to each other since the pre NYT days) so I’m pretty sure she’s grumpy with me. My dad has also been quiet and not replied to the photos in the group chat either. It’s making me feel bad but i don’t know what else I could do because the event was expensive and a sellout so I couldn’t rearrange or let it go.

OP posts:
LiddySmallbury · 15/12/2025 08:34

I wouldn’t give it another thought, OP. Their grump, their issue. You’d warned them what time you needed to leave it, and it wasn’t at all rude to leave as scheduled.

Daysgo · 15/12/2025 08:35

I presume you left a note on kitchen table explaining?

Elektra1 · 15/12/2025 08:35

I’d have gone into my parents’ bedroom to say goodbye. But I grew up in an open-door household where that wouldn’t be considered unusual. On the rare occasions these days when I stay over at theirs, I usually go in in the mornings and have a cup of tea and a chat with them (they always have tea in the bedroom in the morning).

OhBuggerandArse · 15/12/2025 08:35

why didn't you just poke your nose round their door and say 'bye, thank you for having us'?

CandyCaneKisses · 15/12/2025 08:35

Sod them. I can not be arsed to pander to sulking parents.

Catza · 15/12/2025 08:36

It's not your responsibility to manage the feelings of two adults.
The only couple of options you could conceivably have gone for is 1. Knock on their bedroom door to say goodbye whether they were awake or not and 2. Leave a handwritten note before leaving saying that you didn't want to wake them up, thank you for having us over, loads of love.

But either way, it's a "them" issue.

Mischance · 15/12/2025 08:36

Let it go - let it wash by you. You did the right thing not waking them and they knew when you were leaving. They will get over it.

WinterWooliesBaa · 15/12/2025 08:36

Why do you need to 'do' anything?

just let them get on with it & they'll 'come around'. If they say anything wise, just say 'if you wanted to say good bye, you should have got out of bed. I told you we needed to leave st 8.30'

Ineffable23 · 15/12/2025 08:37

I would just sneak out but would have probably left a note or sent a text explaining. I wouldn't go and wake people who were asleep, because I know how hard-won sleep is for my parents, so if they're still asleep I would want to leave them still asleep!

Luxio · 15/12/2025 08:37

CandyCaneKisses · 15/12/2025 08:35

Sod them. I can not be arsed to pander to sulking parents.

Agreed.

You did nothing wrong. No doubt they would also be sulking if you popped your head in and woke them up.

I wouldn't give it a minutes more thought and just wait for them to realise how daft they are being.

StandFirm · 15/12/2025 08:37

Unless there's more to it, they're really unreasonable. I presume they're not so old that they can't read the time anymore? Or use an alarm?

tinybeautiful · 15/12/2025 08:38

I would have texted, but you aren't being unreasonable. Presumably they heard you moving around getting everyone else up and out, they could have come out if they wanted to!!

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2025 08:38

I think I would have popped up 5 mins before leaving and knocked on the door (I’d assume this was about 8.25 so I imagine they’d be up) just to say a quick goodbye. I do think it’s a bit rude TBH but I wouldn’t be annoyed if I had guests and knew they would be late otherwise.

But sounds a bit odd all round TBH like it’s a competition to be the most virtue signalling early riser.

itsthetea · 15/12/2025 08:39

I would have popped my head round the bedroom door with a cup of tea

EBearhug · 15/12/2025 08:39

I'd have left a note, but it was fine to go. It's not like they hadn't had warning.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 15/12/2025 08:40

Daysgo · 15/12/2025 08:35

I presume you left a note on kitchen table explaining?

Explaining what OP had already told them in person, twice?

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2025 08:40

Oh and yes, if I decided not to knock on the door (if it was a bit earlier) I would 100% have left a note or texted from the car to say goodbye and thanks.

MidnightPatrol · 15/12/2025 08:42

YANBU.

They weren’t up, what did they expect you to do exactly.

I think when you have a baby there is often this sudden crossover with retired parents - where you’re up at dawn, and they’re getting used to having a lie in as nowhere to be in the mornings.

I often get frustrated at family events having been up since 5.30 when everyone else appears at 10 and starts discussing what shall we do for breakfast. I’ve had half a day by then…!

MarbleDrive · 15/12/2025 08:43

Why didn’t you just pop your head into their bedroom and say bye? Or send a quick text saying bye?

Luxio · 15/12/2025 08:45

MarbleDrive · 15/12/2025 08:43

Why didn’t you just pop your head into their bedroom and say bye? Or send a quick text saying bye?

Because they were by all accounts still asleep and they knew where and what time the OP was going in the morning so no need for a text.

senua · 15/12/2025 08:46

Daysgo · 15/12/2025 08:35

I presume you left a note on kitchen table explaining?

This. It would have taken a minute to write a friendly "Just to let you know: we've gone. Didn't want to wake you. Have a lovely day."

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 15/12/2025 08:46

You did nothing wrong, you were clear with them when you needed to leave. I would not wake sleeping people!

LiddySmallbury · 15/12/2025 08:47

senua · 15/12/2025 08:46

This. It would have taken a minute to write a friendly "Just to let you know: we've gone. Didn't want to wake you. Have a lovely day."

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But the parents already knew that because the OP had told them the night before. It’s not as though she vanished either no explanation.

Luxio · 15/12/2025 08:47

senua · 15/12/2025 08:46

This. It would have taken a minute to write a friendly "Just to let you know: we've gone. Didn't want to wake you. Have a lovely day."

Show quote history

They knew the OP had gone to the event though? Why did she need to leave a note explaining they had gone when it would be clear she had left when they got up after the time she told them they would be leaving?

Screamingabdabz · 15/12/2025 08:49

They’re grumpy because they know they’re in the wrong and want to shift the blame. Leave them to stew. Don’t pander to it. YANBU.