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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have left my parents’ house without saying goodbye

136 replies

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 08:32

Until lockdown my parents were proud early risers. They regarded lying in as utter laziness. Anything later than 6:30 was indulgent, and after 8:00 was greeted with a ‘good afternoon’ and a warning that we were missing the best part of the day. They retired just before lockdown and during lockdown they turned into proper night owls and are not up until after 9:00. They don’t seem to realise this though and still say what larks they are and how early they get up.

This weekend my husband and baby were all at my parents house, and I said that we’d need to leave at 8:30 on Sunday because we had tickets to an event and needed to get there on time. They replied ‘oh well you know us, we’re up with the larks’ and similar when I reminded them before bedtime we’d be leaving at 8:30. Predictably when we were leaving they weren’t up and there was no signs that they were awake so we left to go the event. I had a text asking where we are, and when I said we’d left my mum said it would have been nice to say goodbye and hasn’t engaged with the photos I sent of the event, and hasn’t messaged her Wordle score to me either (which sounds small but we both have a 1000 day streak and have sent our results to each other since the pre NYT days) so I’m pretty sure she’s grumpy with me. My dad has also been quiet and not replied to the photos in the group chat either. It’s making me feel bad but i don’t know what else I could do because the event was expensive and a sellout so I couldn’t rearrange or let it go.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 15/12/2025 08:49

well I'd have knocked at about 8am and told them we were leaving in half an hour.
the least you could have done was left a note

But you wanted to make a point because you're salty about all the 8am "good afternoons" right? Get off your high horse

senua · 15/12/2025 08:52

LiddySmallbury · 15/12/2025 08:47

But the parents already knew that because the OP had told them the night before. It’s not as though she vanished either no explanation.

Show quote history

Imagine you are in a room with someone and you tell them that you have to go at 8:30. When you get to 8:30 do you just get up and go. Or do you say "Must be off now, Lovely to see you, Bye." This is the same.
I know OP told them the night before but it's still nice to leave a message. It doesn't take long.

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2025 08:52

Yeah, it’s not that the parents didn’t know where she was, it’s that they were probably sad not to say goodbye and sad to come down to a completely empty house on their own with no note/ text.

Being in a caring family means reading between the lines sometimes.

AffableApple · 15/12/2025 08:52

"If you wanted to say goodbye, you should have got up instead of lying in bed wasting the day. We told you we were leaving at the late morning time of 0830."

Don't give it another thought.

LiddySmallbury · 15/12/2025 08:52

Brefugee · 15/12/2025 08:49

well I'd have knocked at about 8am and told them we were leaving in half an hour.
the least you could have done was left a note

But you wanted to make a point because you're salty about all the 8am "good afternoons" right? Get off your high horse

I wouldn’t have knocked because who wants to wake up two retired peoole who don’t normally wake for another hour unnecessarily? The OP’s parents knew when she was leaving because she’d told them the night before. Waking them up unnecessarily to tell them again she was leaving was needless and needlessly disruptive.

Luxio · 15/12/2025 08:53

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2025 08:52

Yeah, it’s not that the parents didn’t know where she was, it’s that they were probably sad not to say goodbye and sad to come down to a completely empty house on their own with no note/ text.

Being in a caring family means reading between the lines sometimes.

Surely that works both ways. In a caring family surely they should get up to say goodbye to their daughter...

AffableApple · 15/12/2025 08:54

senua · 15/12/2025 08:52

Imagine you are in a room with someone and you tell them that you have to go at 8:30. When you get to 8:30 do you just get up and go. Or do you say "Must be off now, Lovely to see you, Bye." This is the same.
I know OP told them the night before but it's still nice to leave a message. It doesn't take long.

Show quote history

Not if the other person in this room of yours is asleep, you don't.

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2025 08:57

AffableApple · 15/12/2025 08:52

"If you wanted to say goodbye, you should have got up instead of lying in bed wasting the day. We told you we were leaving at the late morning time of 0830."

Don't give it another thought.

Jeez, they’d just hosted the OP and her family and it sounds like they were just upset not to say goodbye. No need to be so horrible! I’m not sure I’d invite you back if you sent this to me.

I’d probably go with “Yes sorry not to say goodbye, but we were short on time and we weren’t sure whether to wake you- next time we’ll knock just before we leave. Thanks for a lovely time.”

But then I quite like my family and would like to see them again 🤷‍♀️

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2025 08:58

AffableApple · 15/12/2025 08:54

Not if the other person in this room of yours is asleep, you don't.

Show quote history

I’ve just knocked gently in the past, then if people don’t answer, gone and left a note. And it was 8.25, not 5am!

Brefugee · 15/12/2025 08:58

LiddySmallbury · 15/12/2025 08:52

I wouldn’t have knocked because who wants to wake up two retired peoole who don’t normally wake for another hour unnecessarily? The OP’s parents knew when she was leaving because she’d told them the night before. Waking them up unnecessarily to tell them again she was leaving was needless and needlessly disruptive.

Show quote history

It seems that so many people here have weird relationships with their families, especially older parents.
I have a very good relationship with mine, and so they would have been up giving us a hand making breakfast or getting the DCs ready.

In this scenario, if they had still been in bed i would have taken them a cup of tea between 8 and 8:15 and said goodbye properly, because i like them and they like me.

this is MN where YMMV

AffableApple · 15/12/2025 09:02

LiddySmallbury · 15/12/2025 08:52

I wouldn’t have knocked because who wants to wake up two retired peoole who don’t normally wake for another hour unnecessarily? The OP’s parents knew when she was leaving because she’d told them the night before. Waking them up unnecessarily to tell them again she was leaving was needless and needlessly disruptive.

Show quote history

This. Because in my experience such retired people will also then start fannying around and make you late. All parties will get narked off.

They will still have the info on where you are upon waking up, so of course you just leave.

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/12/2025 09:02

If they were that bothered they would of gotten up a bit eariler, one day wouldn’t of killed them.

Brefugee · 15/12/2025 09:02

jesus - the famous MN ageism doesn't take long to rear it's head.

diddl · 15/12/2025 09:03

Was the event something that they would be interested in seeing about?

It seems to me a bit like rubbing their noses in why you didn't say goodbye?

I'm no explaining it well I know!

senua · 15/12/2025 09:03

this is MN where YMMV
We also have to remember that this is MN where there seems to be a current trend of rile-them-up threads by first time posters.
I'm out.

AffableApple · 15/12/2025 09:08

Brefugee · 15/12/2025 08:58

It seems that so many people here have weird relationships with their families, especially older parents.
I have a very good relationship with mine, and so they would have been up giving us a hand making breakfast or getting the DCs ready.

In this scenario, if they had still been in bed i would have taken them a cup of tea between 8 and 8:15 and said goodbye properly, because i like them and they like me.

this is MN where YMMV

Show quote history

Nope. Good relationship. Can't speak for everyone else on mumsnet, but I'm assuming if they were staying at the parents' house, the OP's good too.

But if people aren't up, I'm not dealing with them if I'm busy getting my kids out the door for an event. Especially if they're likely to make a fuss about what larks they are.

They can make each other tea when they get up.

AffableApple · 15/12/2025 09:09

senua · 15/12/2025 09:03

this is MN where YMMV
We also have to remember that this is MN where there seems to be a current trend of rile-them-up threads by first time posters.
I'm out.

Fair. I'm out too.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 15/12/2025 09:12

“You knew what time we were leaving. If saying goodbye was so important to you, maybe you could have got up in time to do so. Not aware of a species of lark that stays in bed till gone 9am, but there we go.”

Libre2 · 15/12/2025 09:16

A. What does YMMV mean?
B. Why is everyone flouncing off? This is a very flouncy thread.
C. OP if this were me I would have left a tongue in cheek note saying “good afternoon! Thanks for a lovely time. Chat soon”. If your usual relationship is good with your parents and you can face it, just swallow your pride, ring them and apologise for evidently hurting their feelings. No, you were not in the wrong but sometimes the path of least resistance is the right one to take.

Lurker85 · 15/12/2025 09:17

You did nothing wrong and there was no need to pop your head round the door or leave a note or any of that other crap.
You told them what time you were leaving, they didn’t turn up at that time to say goodbye. They essentially stood you up.
If I was them I’d be apologising, not angry.

Mumofoneandone · 15/12/2025 09:17

You knock quietly on their bedroom door and go in and whisper goodbye or you leave a little note.
I wouldn't disturb my parents if it was ridiculously early but 8.30 isn't!
You've been quite rude and whilst your parents being sulky isn't ideal, you've upset them by your actions.
If you were staying with friends would you just 'walk out'?!

BunnyLake · 15/12/2025 09:19

CandyCaneKisses · 15/12/2025 08:35

Sod them. I can not be arsed to pander to sulking parents.

Or sulking anyone. Will never pander to sulks.

Just leave them to it and carry on as normal.

If it were my son and gc leaving I’d have set an alarm and got up, I wouldn’t expect them to have to wake me!

Tiswa · 15/12/2025 09:19

It all depends on (and only you can answer this) whether not waking them up was being petty. Whether it was a genuine we are leaving or whether years of resentment about been made to feel like you were lazy getting up after 8 and you were making a point.

I don’t blame you if you were making a point but a starting point is working out if you were or not

SunnySideDeepDown · 15/12/2025 09:20

“How can I say goodbye when you’re still asleep! Mum, you had a lie in, that’s fine, but don’t pretend you were awake when you weren’t”.

I hate families that pussy foot around each other, and even worse, hypocrites. You did nothing wrong, they need to get over themselves and stop outright lying which is what they’re doing.

MyLimeGuide · 15/12/2025 09:21

It's not a big deal. They will get over it 🙂

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