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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have left my parents’ house without saying goodbye

136 replies

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 08:32

Until lockdown my parents were proud early risers. They regarded lying in as utter laziness. Anything later than 6:30 was indulgent, and after 8:00 was greeted with a ‘good afternoon’ and a warning that we were missing the best part of the day. They retired just before lockdown and during lockdown they turned into proper night owls and are not up until after 9:00. They don’t seem to realise this though and still say what larks they are and how early they get up.

This weekend my husband and baby were all at my parents house, and I said that we’d need to leave at 8:30 on Sunday because we had tickets to an event and needed to get there on time. They replied ‘oh well you know us, we’re up with the larks’ and similar when I reminded them before bedtime we’d be leaving at 8:30. Predictably when we were leaving they weren’t up and there was no signs that they were awake so we left to go the event. I had a text asking where we are, and when I said we’d left my mum said it would have been nice to say goodbye and hasn’t engaged with the photos I sent of the event, and hasn’t messaged her Wordle score to me either (which sounds small but we both have a 1000 day streak and have sent our results to each other since the pre NYT days) so I’m pretty sure she’s grumpy with me. My dad has also been quiet and not replied to the photos in the group chat either. It’s making me feel bad but i don’t know what else I could do because the event was expensive and a sellout so I couldn’t rearrange or let it go.

OP posts:
TinselTitts · 15/12/2025 11:30

TorroFerney · 15/12/2025 11:26

I’d be the same, my parents room was where they fought and had loud sex (not at the same time!) I’d not want to go in. I’d not go in when I was six and vomiting I’m the middle of the night!

Show quote history

I said knock on the door and shout 'Bye'.

Frazzledmummy123 · 15/12/2025 11:37

This is more about them than you. Missing you leaving has made them feel embarrassed because of their pride in being early risers and view of sleeping past certain times as 'lazy'. They are making themselves feel better by shifting the blame onto you.

You did nothing wrong. You told them the night before what time you were leaving so if your mum wanted to be up to see you off, she should have set her alarm.

I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable putting my head in their bedroom door to say goodbye, and I'd only have left a note if it was a sudden, unexpected departure or I hadn't told them the time I was leaving.

Don't let them put their guilt on you. No excuse for the huff, but could it be that your parents forgot you told them you were leaving at that time? I don't know how old your parents are, but I know my MIL who is in her early 70s and otherwise doing ok, often forgets things I tell her like times of arriving and leaving. If they've forgotten you said 8:30, it could explain some of their annoyance, but no need for the huffiness.

Tulipsriver · 15/12/2025 11:41

They should have set an alarm but it seems a bit odd not to go up and knock to tell them you're leaving in 5, or at the very least to leave a note.

TinselTitts · 15/12/2025 11:44

Tulipsriver · 15/12/2025 11:41

They should have set an alarm but it seems a bit odd not to go up and knock to tell them you're leaving in 5, or at the very least to leave a note.

This is what makes me think the OP was hoping this would happen, because she's carrying all the 'Up with the lark' annoyance inside.

I think she was probably hoping to quietly leave before they were up, so she could prove some sort of point.

Fair enough but I expect her parents can see this and the OP doesn't want to admit it.

It's all a bit silly really.

Ineffable23 · 15/12/2025 12:51

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 10:32

I meant to send a text but didn’t. By the time the baby was in the car, maps was set up and we were on our way, it had slipped my mind. I didn’t knock because I’d be really uncomfortable to. My parents’ room was a childfree zone growing up, and so I I still have that invisible no entry sign in my head!

I’m also not saying I’m a virtuous early riser now! If my baby slept beyond 5:30 I would too.

In that case, surely you just send a message saying "Ah, sorry - I meant to text but it completely slipped my mind once we were in the car as the baby took some wrangling! We didn't want to wake you so just headed off at 8:30 as planned so we didn't end up late for <insert event here>. If you'd rather we knocked and woke you if it happens again, just let me know."

Then it vanishes into the past and everyone can forget about it?

getsomehelp · 15/12/2025 13:00

Hello, thanks for having us over night. Finished the myth of “up with the lark then ?”. We decided not to disturb you
Thanks again love…..

TappaMcFeety · 15/12/2025 13:13

How ridiculous to be this worked up as to whether your parents are early risers or not! You sound irritated by them in general so maybe it’s time to have some space for you all. And yes you were rude to just go without saying bye or sending a text but then you wanted to prove your point clearly!

JHound · 15/12/2025 13:28

It’s weird to leave without saying anything imo. I would have at least knocked their door and said I was off

LaurieFairyCake · 15/12/2025 16:51

They’re just defensive because actually they’re not ‘larks’ anymore and they hate being reminded of that fact.

Alliod40 · 15/12/2025 17:39

Christ almighty..why didn't you just pop your head in to say goodbye or go in with a cuppa to them before you left..my mother dropped dead suddenly.. I was the last person she spoke to the night before as she always rang me before she settled down for the night..she died the next morning at 7.30 am just after making her coffee for the day..please don't let this disagreement go on over something so silly

Blablibladirladada · 15/12/2025 18:52

Maybe go in the bedroom and say goodbye IF it is something you kind used to! I wouldn’t start that now but defo say goodbye before leaving so if I had to…I would have.

MaddestGranny · 15/12/2025 18:57

There's a very useful strategy to adopt in this sort of situation, where you know you are not in the wrong, but the other party is playing "tiny violin".

This strategy is called "Fail To Notice", and it is just that. Fail to notice.

I can also recommend this strategy to Mums of whinging DCs.
You're fine. Hope the concert was ace. Onwards and upwards.
And FTN. Good luck, OP.

Goldenoldie58 · 15/12/2025 19:11

LiddySmallbury · 15/12/2025 08:34

I wouldn’t give it another thought, OP. Their grump, their issue. You’d warned them what time you needed to leave it, and it wasn’t at all rude to leave as scheduled.

Why wouldn't you and knock their door, to let them know you would have have to go soon, and you wanted to say goodbye

Bearbookagainandagain · 15/12/2025 19:14

If course you shouldn't have woken them up, but not sending a text is rude I think... I would probably have left a note.

Blarghism · 15/12/2025 19:18

I'd turn it back on them. As they're always up with the lark THEY must have deliberately not come downstairs to say goodbye to YOU. So rude!

CommonAsMucklowe · 15/12/2025 19:28

Let them sulk. In their shoes I would have set an alarm.

Bluedenimdoglover · 15/12/2025 20:26

You're miffed because they slept on. You could have - but didn't - knocked and told them you'd be leaving in 30 mins - enabling goodbyes. You could have left a note. They are now sulking. You are as bad as each other. Make the first move and apologise. It won't kill you. I'd never have just left without telling them, even if they were in bed.

shesaysshestiredoflifeshemustbetiredofsomething · 15/12/2025 20:47

Bluedenimdoglover · 15/12/2025 20:26

You're miffed because they slept on. You could have - but didn't - knocked and told them you'd be leaving in 30 mins - enabling goodbyes. You could have left a note. They are now sulking. You are as bad as each other. Make the first move and apologise. It won't kill you. I'd never have just left without telling them, even if they were in bed.

Sulking is pathetic and childish. Leaving at the time that you clearly said that you would is... not. No way are they "as bad as each other." OP has nothing to apologise for.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/12/2025 20:52

Bluedenimdoglover · 15/12/2025 20:26

You're miffed because they slept on. You could have - but didn't - knocked and told them you'd be leaving in 30 mins - enabling goodbyes. You could have left a note. They are now sulking. You are as bad as each other. Make the first move and apologise. It won't kill you. I'd never have just left without telling them, even if they were in bed.

No she isn't. She's annoyed because they are sulking. I bet they'd have been just as pissed off if OP had woken them to say goodbye. I think they just expected OP to wait until they got up before leaving, even if it meant missing their event.

They sound childish and annoying.

NoSoupForU · 15/12/2025 21:13

I actually think it was pretty rude of them to have stayed in bed when they knew you were leaving at 8.30am. I wouldn't dream of doing that! I also wouldn't dream of going waking people up because I'm leaving.

WonderingWanda · 15/12/2025 21:17

Got they sound childish. They knew where you were because you told them the night before. And you'd done them a favour by not waking them. Just ignore them back until they come to their senses or more likely push harder by declaring rude and ungrateful you are. At which point you can remind that you had told them you'd be going early and didn't want to wake them....because that's also rude.

Seidkonna · 15/12/2025 23:44

LoveCameDownAtChristmas · 15/12/2025 08:32

Until lockdown my parents were proud early risers. They regarded lying in as utter laziness. Anything later than 6:30 was indulgent, and after 8:00 was greeted with a ‘good afternoon’ and a warning that we were missing the best part of the day. They retired just before lockdown and during lockdown they turned into proper night owls and are not up until after 9:00. They don’t seem to realise this though and still say what larks they are and how early they get up.

This weekend my husband and baby were all at my parents house, and I said that we’d need to leave at 8:30 on Sunday because we had tickets to an event and needed to get there on time. They replied ‘oh well you know us, we’re up with the larks’ and similar when I reminded them before bedtime we’d be leaving at 8:30. Predictably when we were leaving they weren’t up and there was no signs that they were awake so we left to go the event. I had a text asking where we are, and when I said we’d left my mum said it would have been nice to say goodbye and hasn’t engaged with the photos I sent of the event, and hasn’t messaged her Wordle score to me either (which sounds small but we both have a 1000 day streak and have sent our results to each other since the pre NYT days) so I’m pretty sure she’s grumpy with me. My dad has also been quiet and not replied to the photos in the group chat either. It’s making me feel bad but i don’t know what else I could do because the event was expensive and a sellout so I couldn’t rearrange or let it go.

They deserved this.

WinterWooliesBaa · 16/12/2025 00:43

Daysgo · 15/12/2025 08:35

I presume you left a note on kitchen table explaining?

Explaining what?

Explaining that they were leaving at 8.30, as they told them night before they would be?

🙄🙄

Lievre · 16/12/2025 08:28

Gentle tap on their door saying you were leaving shortly and thank you. Option then for them to say goodbye or even get up to say goodbye!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/12/2025 08:50

If it was that important for them to say goodbye, they could have got up. I'd ignore the sulk but next time if you need to leave early slack them in case they're not up, what do they want you to do, knock their door or just leave