AIBU to have left my parents’ house without saying goodbye

[LoveCameDownAtChristmas]

Until lockdown my parents were proud early risers. They regarded lying in as utter laziness. Anything later than 6:30 was indulgent, and after 8:00 was greeted with a ‘good afternoon’ and a warning that we were missing the best part of the day. They retired just before lockdown and during lockdown they turned into proper night owls and are not up until after 9:00. They don’t seem to realise this though and still say what larks they are and how early they get up.

This weekend my husband and baby were all at my parents house, and I said that we’d need to leave at 8:30 on Sunday because we had tickets to an event and needed to get there on time. They replied ‘oh well you know us, we’re up with the larks’ and similar when I reminded them before bedtime we’d be leaving at 8:30. Predictably when we were leaving they weren’t up and there was no signs that they were awake so we left to go the event. I had a text asking where we are, and when I said we’d left my mum said it would have been nice to say goodbye and hasn’t engaged with the photos I sent of the event, and hasn’t messaged her Wordle score to me either (which sounds small but we both have a 1000 day streak and have sent our results to each other since the pre NYT days) so I’m pretty sure she’s grumpy with me. My dad has also been quiet and not replied to the photos in the group chat either. It’s making me feel bad but i don’t know what else I could do because the event was expensive and a sellout so I couldn’t rearrange or let it go.

You told them you were leaving, you’re not in the wrong. But next time maybe a note on the counter or a text saying “didn’t want to wake you, we’re off now”.

Childish and annoying us how I'd describe both parties here. Have you considered the old saying "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree"? They may both deal with disagreement in this manner

If you didn't leave a note or send a text to say goodbye, they have some cause to be miffed. If I were you I would apologise for failing to do that.

I'd have stuck my nose round their door and stage-whispered that we were heading off in 10/15 minutes if they wanted to pop out and wave us off?

I wouldn't have just left.

What a non event.

It's attitudes like you propose which prolong silly family arguments which may lead to years of estrangement. Not good for either side. There's enough crap in the world without messing up family relationships over something so trivial.

If my parents were pathetic enough to estrange me over something so trivial I would be better off without them.

But also that's not the case here, and I was just disagreeing with your statement that "they're both as bad as each other", when they're clearly not. Leaping to estrangement is a bit much.

I don't think that OP is being childish. She did exactly what she told her parents she would do. She got her family up and ready and they left at 8.30 am in order to reach the booked event on time. What on earth is childish and annoying about that?

Her parents are now both sulking and giving OP the cold shoulder. That is childish and annoying.

I wonder if they're not so much sulking as embarrassed?

My parents were never particularly early risers (in fact they were usually still in bed/only just getting up when we left the house for the school bus at 7.45, when we were at secondary school). But they have got much later as they've got older. And I also found that Covid had an impact. They don't seem totally aware of it. I find it really annoying - my mum can easily come down at 10.30 or 11, and I have learned to bring breakfast when I go to theirs because I don't want to wait around for them to be ready to eat.

But when this started, they were really awkward about it. I think they were aware it wasn't quite normal but it was one more sign of them getting older. I can totally see how coming downstairs to find they'd overslept and their DD had left the house might have been, not to joke about it, a bit of a rude awakening.

I'd actually want to check in gently and see if they're feeling ok. Needing more sleep as you get older isn't that unusual; they shouldn't feel bad about it.

I stayed at my sisters, told her I was leaving by midday the next day to drive home - she got up at five to 12. Bloomin rude.

So you'd just leave without knocking their bedroom door, and saying "We're off in 30 mins if you want to say goodbye ..., thanks for having us" or something similar. To simply go like that, to me, appears to be someone leaving in a bit of a huff. Maybe not to you, but then, I wouldn't leave anyone's home like that without some sort of goodbye.