To wonder what all these thoughtful gifts are?

[JingleMyBellsChristmasSmells]

I see it on multiple threads at this time of year, posters congratulating themselves on only buying thoughtful gifts.
They never specify what they are though and why they are so thoughtful (as opposed to a none thoughtful gift?)
I have bought things for my teenagers that a lot of people would probably consider tat but I spent a lot of time thinking about whether they would like/use it. Does this redeem the gift? Or is it forever destined to be tat?
Lighthearted, I am happy with the gifts I've bought....just unseasonably grumpy and sick of seeing 'thoughtful gifts' mentioned every five minutes 🤣

I know that my sil specifically likes things she wouldn't buy herself, like bath smellies, thick socks and chocolate. So for others that would be a thoughtless easy gift, but for her it's actually perfect.

I see a thoughtful gift as putting “thought” into something. Like you take an interest into someone’s personality, hobbies and likes, so you buy them something they will genuinely like or use. Rather than buying someone something generic and random.

It's the taking note of the specific type of chocolate someone likes, or the scent of soap that makes a generic gift more thoughtful. Or spotting a problem/annoyance that can be solved.

i think the trouble is you can have an interest in someone's personality, hobbies and likes and still buy something that they may not genuinely like or use.

To give a really dull example, just because someone like reading and likes tennis, does not mean they will appreciate a book about tennis players.
Being truly thoughtful would have meant the giver realised that, but often doesn't.

My sister was always a devil for buying something she thought you should want/like, rather than something you actually wanted … but then one year she knocked it out of the park by buying me a secondhand signed book by one of my favourite food/garden writers. I cherish that book.

I always assumed it meant something specific to the person and their interests rather than generic things like candles, toiletries, chocolates and the like. It probably applies more to extended family, teachers, cleaners, gardeners etc than to gifts for immediate family members because one would hope people would know their immediate family well enough to always choose something personal that they will enjoy, without it being an effort to think of ideas.

Having said that, there are threads here on Christmas Day every year where people express disappointment that their spouses or children have given them presents that show little thought or effort and have given them something generic, useless or inappropriate, so people may be referring to that kind of behaviour which shows somebody has made very little effort and can make people feel uncared for.

I’m a bit like that. I love Sainsbury’s pjs, socks and nice chocolate, always appreciate fancier toiletries than I would usually buy myself or any kind of lip balm, hoping for some decent slippers this year. They’d be thoughtful gifts if they were bought for me but someone else might find them tat?

I’ve said elsewhere that I try to be thoughtful when I buy gifts so it might be me that’s pissed you off. But all I mean is that I do try to buy things I know will be welcomed by the recipient, and not just grab a generic boots 3 for 2 toiletry set because I don’t know them well enough to pick something else. But I don’t think that makes me special - most people do the same I’m sure!

DD is getting a lot of stuff that would probably be considered tat for others this year, but like you I have put a lot of thought into it and I know just the exact type of tat she’d like and what’s likely to be used/ played with for a decent length of time and I have a fairly good success rate at that. Again though, I don’t think it makes me special.

For my mum when she was still here I’d always do experiences/ trips/ time together as I know that’s what she valued. DH genuinely likes to be stocked up on his clothing basics at Christmas (so he never has to think about clothes shopping again through the year!) and beyond that just wants beer and snacks. I tried to do thoughtful gifts for in laws the first year, in the same vein as what my mum would have loved, and it ended up awkward and more trouble than it was worth and so what’s actually thoughtful for them is to just leave them to it - DH gets them a book or two related to their interests and maybe some pickles for his dad/ chocolates for his mum. Honestly anything else just makes them stressed out so that works best. They also like a photo calendar of DD and request it each year.

One of my best friends admired a pair of my earrings and said she’d been trying to find a similar pair in a colour to suit her for ages, but hadn’t been able to. I’ve managed to find a pair so that’s her birthday present sorted (we just swap books for the kids at Christmas)

So for me I only mean ‘thought put in to the type of gift the recipient would value and likes to receive’ and where I don’t actually know what that is just having the conversation to get out of exchanging gifts altogether, and I don’t think it’s something unique I’m doing.

I saw so many people panic buying those gift sets in Boots yesterday I would be really pissed off in anybody got me one of those - total waste of money with zero effort just buying for buyings sake. Even something that cost £1 but the buyer knew i liked would mean more than one of those crappy boxes.

She’s being polite 🤨

Someone used to buy me a Bayliss and Harding gift set. That's the very definition of thoughtless. I knocked the farce on the head by saying let's not do presents any more, COL blar blar. A friend also buys me what she'd like. It's the opposite of anything that would ever appeal to me. Crystals etc but her heart is in the right place, so 🤷‍♀️

I love a boxed gift set from Boots. I'm not a snob though.

Nah just sneery?

I don't like a gift set from Boots, cause they all irritate my skin. Didn't realise that made me a snob?

Now get a bottle of Sanex 0 and I'm in heaven....

See that's the difference between thoughtful and not thoughtful.

It's mostly snobbery on MN. Get them a Molton Brown or L'Occitane gift set ,they wouldn't be moaning.

I agree about the smellies gift sets unless you know it’s a brand/scent/product the recipient would definitely like. Also joke gifts and “stocking stuffers” that are just designed to be opened and will never be used. I keep getting ads for joke granny pants the size of a t shirt. Pure tat!

An older relative has announced she’s getting everyone pyjamas this year which would be quite practical except she hasn’t asked if anyone wears pyjamas (I don’t because I get too hot) or asked for anyone’s sizes

Yabu. A gift is thoughtful if you’ve taken time and effort to consider what the recipient would like/enjoy/use - bonus points if it’s a little bit surprising.

I can't specify what is thoughtful about the gifts really as it may not apply to the people you buy for. It's about choosing a book you are pretty sure they will love, and item which taps into a convo you had months ago , favourite sweets, drink, an item you think they will either love or at least find useful etc.

My sister tends to get me a No7 gift set each year. I don't mind, I like the products and they tend to cost individually more than I would spend on makeup etc.
When I hear 'thoughtful gift' I assume someone has spent £500+ on a Tibetan pickle that can only be obtained from the far reaches of a mountain accessed via inhospitable forest.
I think most people are trying to be thoughtful even if it is 'tat' that they buy in the end 🤔

Thoughtful means something that the other person woule like.

For example if you gave me some flowers then that would be very kind but if you gave me a bunch with no white flowers because you knew I found them very funeral-like then the gift would be thoughtful.

My teen son is getting some gifts that others wouldn’t like but I will have picked what he will actively like. For example one year I bought lots of different types of instant noodles so he can make a quiet snack while gaming overnight (I start work very early) which he thought was great.

I am the same and j really am not being polite.
@EchoedSilence i agree. It's hilarious that only b&h cause allergy/thrush/headaches/itching and all the other silly claims yet MB and l'occ don't.
I wonder what would happen if the b&h was decanted into a MB bottle?

I am that person! Please don't get me wrong of course I like a well thought of gift of something I enjoy, but I very rarely get a generic box set and sometimes I would like one. I save money by buying the very basic shower gel and shampoo and hand soap as I don't have sensitive skin so a dove set or bayliss and harding set (yes I know how MN feels about these don't come at me) feel like a treat for me. Silly I know but I do appreciate them especially if they're in a scent that I prefer, like a woodsy smell as opposed to a fruity smell. I know, I'm cheap 🙈

I get my DH a moleskin notebook every year because he likes to have one near him all the time so he can jot down story ideas, and this year I’ve got him a soda stream maker because he can’t tolerate the artificial sweeteners in most fizzy drinks but likes fruity sodas, so that and some syrups/cordials should solve the problem for him. It’s not about expense it’s about finding something that you think the person will really like.

I’ve bought my partner a painting of a place that is special to him for his office. I’ve also got a friend to send me his favourite snack that isn’t sold here, from the country she is in where it’s sold.

My daughter is vegan and misses certain jelly sweets, which contain gelatine, so I’ve bought her vegan versions that I’ve found. I’ve also had a teddy made to look like our pet that we lost as I know she’ll love that.

My friend lost her favourite scarf on a train just after last Xmas and was really upset. I don’t know why she was so attached to it but she was. I’ve managed to find it new with tags on vinted so I’ve bought it for her.

I think these are thoughtful gifts, although I like a bit of what mumsnet call ‘tat’ which seems to cover most things. 😂 My kids loved ‘plastic tat’ when they were younger. 🎄🎄🎄

I’m always amused at the Mumsnetters who, upon being told that their niece or nephew would really love to receive cash, turn their noses up at giving money and pride themselves on buying ‘thoughtful’ gifts instead, even though that is actually the opposite of thoughtful.

I think the point of presents is to create a moment of kindness and appreciation between the giver and recipient. They do not need to be “perfect”. It is enough to know that the person has put a bit of effort into it. So a book about tennis players, even if you don’t enjoy it, still shows that the person has tried to get something you would like. A Bayliss & Harding gift set on the other hand shows that not much thought has gone into it (unless the recipient is a huge B&H fan I guess).

I once did a photo album for someone and there was not even a change in facial expression- turns out they think digital is the way to go and don’t love photos