Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what all these thoughtful gifts are?

115 replies

JingleMyBellsChristmasSmells · 14/12/2025 16:29

I see it on multiple threads at this time of year, posters congratulating themselves on only buying thoughtful gifts.
They never specify what they are though and why they are so thoughtful (as opposed to a none thoughtful gift?)
I have bought things for my teenagers that a lot of people would probably consider tat but I spent a lot of time thinking about whether they would like/use it. Does this redeem the gift? Or is it forever destined to be tat?
Lighthearted, I am happy with the gifts I've bought....just unseasonably grumpy and sick of seeing 'thoughtful gifts' mentioned every five minutes 🤣

OP posts:
Katypp · 14/12/2025 18:33

ShesGotItAll · 14/12/2025 18:28

I’ve bought my partner a painting of a place that is special to him for his office. I’ve also got a friend to send me his favourite snack that isn’t sold here, from the country she is in where it’s sold.

My daughter is vegan and misses certain jelly sweets, which contain gelatine, so I’ve bought her vegan versions that I’ve found. I’ve also had a teddy made to look like our pet that we lost as I know she’ll love that.

My friend lost her favourite scarf on a train just after last Xmas and was really upset. I don’t know why she was so attached to it but she was. I’ve managed to find it new with tags on vinted so I’ve bought it for her.

I think these are thoughtful gifts, although I like a bit of what mumsnet call ‘tat’ which seems to cover most things. 😂 My kids loved ‘plastic tat’ when they were younger. 🎄🎄🎄

Tat is defined on MN at something the poster is not keen on. I was told on here that my M&S Christmas bedlinen was tat, which is really incredibly rude.

DallasMinor · 14/12/2025 18:34

Many moons ago, my now husband commissioned a series of illustrations of me and my daughter at various ages in the style of my favourite children’s books. This was pre-generative AI.

I’d said that summer that I was sad there weren’t more pictures of me with DD when she was little because I was a single mother and usually behind the camera.

He also made me an adapted games controller so I could still play video games with my disability.

I gave up being thoughtful, I can’t compete with him 😂

tokennamechange · 14/12/2025 18:39

I've said this before on MN but a lot of people who congratulate themselves on being such good gift givers actually probably just have very nice/polite family and friends who react well when they give them gifts ranging from perfectly-fine-but-could-have-just-bought-myself/lived without to dear-god-she's-done-it-again-wtf-is-this-crap?

I'm sure occasionally there are some 'wow' hits but surely most adults just buy themselves things they like if and when they want them? Unless you happen to have very generous friends/family who surprise you with things completely out of your budget, not many people actually receive things they LOVE and would 'never have bought themselves' very often.

Blanketenvy · 14/12/2025 18:49

Mayflower282 · 14/12/2025 17:12

She’s being polite 🤨

I genuinely like this stuff too.. consumable, useful but generally a bit nicer than I'd buy day to day.

SoLongLuminosity · 14/12/2025 18:52

My "thoughtful gift" last year was a high quality thermos mug for someone with a driving job.

It wasn't an obvious gift, like golf clubs for a golfer, but I thought of something that would hopefully make each day a bit nicer. Make winter warmer.

5128gap · 14/12/2025 18:56

I'd love to know this too! Because I guess its pretty easy to buy thoughtful gifts for people who have specific hobbies and interests, or when they've mentioned they like a particular thing. But in the absence of that, what constitutes 'thoughtful'?

AngelinaFibres · 14/12/2025 19:14

BauhausOfEliott · 14/12/2025 18:28

I’m always amused at the Mumsnetters who, upon being told that their niece or nephew would really love to receive cash, turn their noses up at giving money and pride themselves on buying ‘thoughtful’ gifts instead, even though that is actually the opposite of thoughtful.

My ex MIL refused to give cash because it was vulgar. She would buy my teenage sons a model of the solar system , a build your own volcano kit etc etc. They would have appreciated £20.00 in cash to put towards a bike/ computer/ ski kit but she gave them things that she thought were thoughtful but were tat they left at their dad's house. He took the things to a charity shop every new year.

ShesGotItAll · 14/12/2025 19:29

Katypp · 14/12/2025 18:33

Tat is defined on MN at something the poster is not keen on. I was told on here that my M&S Christmas bedlinen was tat, which is really incredibly rude.

A few months ago I got told I was destroying the planet because I have autumn themed bedding which was ‘tat’. To hell I go. 😂 For some reason they thought I would only use it once or for a couple of months this year before sending it to landfill. Bizarre.

DeserveLove · 14/12/2025 19:47

My ‘thoughtful Christmas gift’ came from my son.

We share a love of musicals (he performs). I told him a story about, as a child, going to see the Sound of Music at the cinema. My first trip to a cinema. My favourite film.
At the same time I was also given the LP, which I proudly took to school. Unfortunately, the LP slipped out of the cover and skidded across the gravelly playground. Scratched and unplayable. Forever. Never replaced.

My Christmas present from my son, the Sound of Music LP, bought for £2 in a charity shop.
I cried!

JingleMyBellsChristmasSmells · 14/12/2025 19:54

DeserveLove · 14/12/2025 19:47

My ‘thoughtful Christmas gift’ came from my son.

We share a love of musicals (he performs). I told him a story about, as a child, going to see the Sound of Music at the cinema. My first trip to a cinema. My favourite film.
At the same time I was also given the LP, which I proudly took to school. Unfortunately, the LP slipped out of the cover and skidded across the gravelly playground. Scratched and unplayable. Forever. Never replaced.

My Christmas present from my son, the Sound of Music LP, bought for £2 in a charity shop.
I cried!

I think im crying too!

OP posts:
PeloMom · 14/12/2025 19:54

I suppose showing that you have listened to and know the person- didn’t just buy something random for the sake of gifting something.
for example one friend has mentioned casually a couple of times that she struggled to find her favourite deodorant the last few times she went to the store. I made sure said deodorant was part of the gift.
another friend was really into yoga, etc- I made sure the gift included a nice water bottle, etc

EchoedSilence · 14/12/2025 20:03

Considering some on MN claim to shower several times a day, a gift set of shower gel would be a thoughtful present.

Ineffable23 · 14/12/2025 20:10

Katypp · 14/12/2025 18:23

I am the same and j really am not being polite.
@EchoedSilence i agree. It's hilarious that only b&h cause allergy/thrush/headaches/itching and all the other silly claims yet MB and l'occ don't.
I wonder what would happen if the b&h was decanted into a MB bottle?

I had a male relative who insisted that anything other than head and shoulders made his head itch. Their wife decanted the Tesco own brand head and shoulders equivalent into a H&S bottle for about 7 years without him noticing.

ShesGotItAll · 14/12/2025 20:15

DeserveLove · 14/12/2025 19:47

My ‘thoughtful Christmas gift’ came from my son.

We share a love of musicals (he performs). I told him a story about, as a child, going to see the Sound of Music at the cinema. My first trip to a cinema. My favourite film.
At the same time I was also given the LP, which I proudly took to school. Unfortunately, the LP slipped out of the cover and skidded across the gravelly playground. Scratched and unplayable. Forever. Never replaced.

My Christmas present from my son, the Sound of Music LP, bought for £2 in a charity shop.
I cried!

Love this!

Sunshineandoranges · 14/12/2025 20:19

Jeronnemo · 14/12/2025 17:12

Someone used to buy me a Bayliss and Harding gift set. That's the very definition of thoughtless. I knocked the farce on the head by saying let's not do presents any more, COL blar blar. A friend also buys me what she'd like. It's the opposite of anything that would ever appeal to me. Crystals etc but her heart is in the right place, so 🤷‍♀️

What dont you like about baylis and harding

lazyarse123 · 14/12/2025 20:30

My dd is the most thoughtful person i know. We had a picture from when they were small probably about 5, 6 and 7 sat together on a picnic bench.
My dd recreated it when they were about 26, 27 and 28 and put both photos together with an individual picture of each of them in a big frame.
I too cried.

Gowlett · 14/12/2025 20:43

Thing with the Boots sets, is that you can get them straight after Christmas, when they’re flogging them off? I got two massive boxes (Sanctuary, Soap & Glory) 90% off. Bought them for myself, a year’s supply of shower gel etc… I’d never buy them full price or separately. Or as a gift, now you mention it!

patchlang · 14/12/2025 20:46

A thoughtful gift will depend on who is getting it and why. I love nice teas, hot chocolate, nice stationary other people would think that is tat. I don't drink so booze isn't a good gift for me nor is coffee or candles as I get a sore head from them. I don't complain though as if it's nice I can always regift to someone who will like it.

TiredofLDN · 14/12/2025 20:49

I think for me a thoughtless gift example would be when last year my sister bought me a letterbox afternoon tea set, knowing I’m gluten free.

My DM bought me a certain tool that I would find useful at the allotment, but a lovely expensive version I would never splash out on myself- that was thoughtful.

Starconundrum · 14/12/2025 20:51

Surely noone can say.

It depends on what the recipient thinks of the gift, and if they're polite, you will never actually know.

To me, a thoughtful gift is where someone has thought of me. The act of writing me down on a list and deciding I was worth buying a present for is ultimately thoughtful.

One year I received a flowery painted ashtray. On opening it I exclaimed immediately that it was just like my grandmother's. I thought it was a really thoughtful gift. But had I not recognised that straight away I would have wondered what the hell someone was doing buying me an ashtray. Tbh, judging from their face when I opened it, i really don't think they expected me to like it and I was an afterthought 😂 i liked it though.

A family friend bought me a cheese grater one year. Now that's a weird gift, one that has no connection to me at all. It was one of those catalogue ones too. But it's the best cheese grater I've ever owned! I think of that nice old lady who used to give me biscuits every time I grate cheese.

I like all the three for two stuff in boots too. It's stuff I'll use, but would never even give a thought about buying for myself.

I think, unless it's your husband of many years buying you something he knows you don't like, then quite a lot of people are just a bit ungrateful.

LuckyNumberFive · 14/12/2025 20:52

My partner thinks practical presents are thoughtful presents, so some years I've had some particularly practical gifts. A new chair for work (I work from home) because mine was awful and I spend 50 hours a week sat on it, a suitcase set because I was travelling with work a lot, you get the picture.

Love him for it though.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 14/12/2025 20:54

I've noticed that my husband has worn very different clothes since he put in weight. I've picked out a few things in his usual style for his current size, because I know how it feels to choose crap clothes to cover yourself up and not feel "you".

stayok · 14/12/2025 20:54

I love candles and soap. Definitely not tat for me. OTOH the “thoughtful” gifts people give me often aren’t quite right- I get give a lot of popular science books related to an area I have a PhD in, for example, and they’re all given with a lot of thought and I throughly appreciate the gesture but they just go to the charity shop because why would I want a popular science book about my PhD subject?

patchlang · 14/12/2025 21:00

stayok · 14/12/2025 20:54

I love candles and soap. Definitely not tat for me. OTOH the “thoughtful” gifts people give me often aren’t quite right- I get give a lot of popular science books related to an area I have a PhD in, for example, and they’re all given with a lot of thought and I throughly appreciate the gesture but they just go to the charity shop because why would I want a popular science book about my PhD subject?

Yeah I get this, I'm an artist, and studied at Art School to MPhil level. I'd love a beautiful monograph of an artist I really like or an niche theory book but I get basic general art books which aren't of much interest to me. I will pass them on to someone else who might like them or charity shop them.

IsItWickedNotToCare · 14/12/2025 21:12

A friend of mine used to give me very "thoughtful" gifts based on herself and what she liked, eg a memento of where she'd been on holiday for my birthday. I'd never been there, so why would I need a reminder of her trip? We have parted ways this year and one of the things I'm relieved about is not spending on her Christmas present and getting weird, "thoughtful" trash in return.