To wonder what all these thoughtful gifts are?

[JingleMyBellsChristmasSmells]

I see it on multiple threads at this time of year, posters congratulating themselves on only buying thoughtful gifts.
They never specify what they are though and why they are so thoughtful (as opposed to a none thoughtful gift?)
I have bought things for my teenagers that a lot of people would probably consider tat but I spent a lot of time thinking about whether they would like/use it. Does this redeem the gift? Or is it forever destined to be tat?
Lighthearted, I am happy with the gifts I've bought....just unseasonably grumpy and sick of seeing 'thoughtful gifts' mentioned every five minutes 🤣

YANBU.
To me the "thoughtful gift" phrase sounds a bit pretentious - especially when someone uses it for a gift they are giving to someone else.

Even many "thoughtful gifts" descriptions on this thread sounds to me like pretty normal gifts, trying to come up with something which have a chance to work.

So I see the hierarchy as
Token gifts (small or generic, their main purpose is to exist and be exchanged/gifted)

Normal gifts (somehow informed by some information about the receiver, hoping to be a good match)

Special gifts (which I'd call thoughtful) - something which is really a personal match, from the examples here the signed book or "that LP".

I had an aunt who congratulated herself on her thoughtful gifts.

I hated every single one😊

This is my problem with people congratulating themselves on how thoughtful they gave been!

You’ve just described what I would say is a thoughtful gift. Something you think they’d like despite your thinking of it as tat

One man's trash is another man's treasure....

I'd be totally happy with a gift set of bath stuff or make up. Still have fond memories of a Charlie perfume gift set I got one Christmas with the talc included...circa 1980

😅😅

Bless 'er

I think it’s buying something you think someone would like because it’s ’close enough’ to things you know they enjoy. An example is my MIL likes to get me books because I’m a literature lecturer so she knows I read and own a lot. She’s never once asked which books I enjoy, she just gets me any old shite. One year it was random vampire books because she also seems to think I’m a goth for some reason. Last year it was Carol Vorderman’s…

Also just not actually putting any thought in. Boots sets are an example if that person isn’t a big fan of Soap and Glory- many are so it wouldn’t be thoughtless for them. Chocolates would be an example if the person doesn’t even like chocolate, I know my mum doesn’t. Crap chocolates aren’t to everyone’s taste either, I’d hate quality street and consider that thoughtless.

I love Molton brown shower gel. An indulgent vice as £20 a bottle is expensive & something I wouldn’t buy as part of the normal shop. So I put it out there as a gift idea. My SIL once phoned me up (after saying she’d get it) to say she couldn’t bring herself to spend that much on shower gel & bought me a dove gift set instead, some chocolates & hot chocolate in a mug set, I was obviously grateful. She had saved my shopping bill by a few quid but what happened was my kids had the shower gel when they ran out, the chocolates got opened & put with the festive ones, I didn’t even have one & I don’t drink hot chocolate. IMO if she wanted to buy me a gift I’d enjoy she would have gotten the shower gel. I knew the value instead she wasted money on things I didn’t want or even need. I got the sentiment abt the cost of it. But that was what I thought the point in gift giving was. To give someone a treat within your own budget

Absolutely. I had a friend (now ex, for many reasons, but this was certainly a symptom of the issues) who would always give me cat themed gifts. I love cats (I have cats), but I don't want clothing/tea towels/mugs/etc. with cats plastered all over them... it's just not my taste.

Some people do consider them gifts. My MIL would have to take 2 buses to visit her mom in a nursing home 3/4 times a week & would complain how she was cold, wanted something hot to drink etc whilst waiting & on buses. Often missing a bus getting a takeaway tea. So I got her a trendy thermos, heat pads for your hands a satchel & gloves amongst other things like a boots set. She literally coo’d over the champneys set & looked bewildered at the other things. I had to explain why I’d bought them & she still shrugged & said I see. Fast forward a few weeks later & on her many calls to me (she’d phone me whilst travelling to vent her frustrations) I noticed she stopped moaning about being cold. I asked if she’d used the gifts & she said yes & they were life savers. She ended up loving them & now appreciates that I was listening & trying to make her life if not easier a little less shit.

I guess just something they like - for example my mum knows that we don't really need anything and don't want lots of stuff (plus can afford to buy what we do need) so every year gets us a selection box from our favourite chocolate company. It costs about £40 I think - for us its perfect, nice chocolate we wouldn't normally buy and don't taking up loads of space. It's thoughtful without requiring her to do any thinking 😆. Other people, however, would baulk at spending that much on chocolate and would probably buy something cheaper and other stuff they think we should like alongside it.

Unthoughtful gift - MIL, goes to 1 shop on 1 day and buys all her gifts based on what is available there, irrespective of if the are suitable for the person she is buying them for. Then handing over kids presents and saying. I don't what to watch them opening them, as I don't think they will like them, and don't want to watch, but its all the shop had in. Shoulder shrug, "never mind Its the thought that counts."

For my son's 3rd birthday, he was given a toy phone where the packaging said 6-36m. That felt like a very thoughtless gift

Also my vegetarian parents were once given out of date non-vegetarian crisps from another vegetarian (the daughter of the aforementioned gift giver). Another thoughtless gift

Thing is, adults with specific hobbies and interests usually already have the things they want. I like yoga, I already have a mat, blocks, strap, clothes, loads of water bottles. Books? Thanks but I have a kindle and am quite fussy about what I read.

I think it's harder to buy thoughtful gifts these days. Everything you could ever want or need is readily available online and most adults have the means to buy their own stuff

That's awful, especially as she knows the children won't like the gifts 😔 It is bad enough for adults to receive shitty gifts but knowing how exciting it is for children and willingly getting them something she knows it is unlikely they will like is beyond me!
Can you encourage her to give cash or vouchers?

It would be better if she just put the money in a card. What a waste

Yep, I commented earlier how SIL spends £20 & asks for ideas. I asked for an £18 bottle of shower gel. Pricey & I don’t buy it myself but as a gift I would like it. She said she literally couldn’t justify it & got my instead 3 gifts that I didn’t use, didn’t eat & didn’t like (hot chocolate, I just don’t like it). I didn’t get the rationale behind her thinking. Yes I wouldn’t spend that for myself. But I would 100% buy it as a gift for some one

Exactly that. I am not a fan of the made for Xmas sets that boots etc are full of . Obviously if given one i would be grateful but it doesn't show someone knows me.
I would also rather something that cost a pound in a charity Shop if the item was v me.
I always buy thoughtful things and people will comment but then a teensy bit sad when I get a generic bottle of wine/bath set in return.
I will get things throughout the year for people and know when brother and sil go on specific xmas shopping day that it will be bath sets etc
As I said always grateful but am alwsys so touched when someone shows they really know me ❤️

Thoughtful is about knowing the person for me.

I used to teach, and 1 Christmas, Mil got me a Book People set of books linked to my subject. Unfortunately, they were absolutely nothing to do with any of the topics I taught, and not an area I had any interest in. It was literally 'oh, that's her subject'. My Sil said she's always more than happy with Cadbury's and doesn't really like Hotel Chocolat/Lindt etc but people don't see Cadbury as 'presenty' enough, so get her the fancier stuff, which she passes on to others

I really like getting smellies as long as they are something I wouldn't normally buy. Like Lush rather than a Dove gift set

Literally her request. Lush or something equal. So I know she's not just being polite as a previous poster suggested.

I can’t stand body lotion , body butter so I don’t like getting those gift sets from boots . I would be very happy with a bottle of shower gel instead . I don’t need to worry though as I only receive gifts from my adult children and they tend to buy me things that I do like . The present I bought for my SIL a couple of years ago can’t be beaten ( his words ) . He loves coffee and had a machine which took pods and worked out very expensive. I bought him a bean to cup coffee machine . The beans cost less than a quarter of the cost of the pods each month so it has well paid for itself. A thoughtful gift in his eyes .

It’s the thought that counts, but when there’s been no thought, it doesn’t count. I’ve been the victim of so little thought over the years (that causes me guilt, rubbish bin and charity shop material) I say No Presents please. This has caused a problem with one particular person this Christmas. I think what they want me to do is send them an amazon link to something I want, and for them to do the same in exchange, but I don’t see the point.

for Me, thoughtless has included:

mugs (don’t drink hot drinks)
earrings (don’t have pierced ears)
clothes for my children in the wrong season (so I got newborn sized winter cosies for my June born babies)
bath stuff (I don’t have a bath)

Consderations for buying a WOKE a thoughtful Christmas gift

Definitelly steer away from any thing enjoyable.

Such as the old eong usedbto say

It's illegal
It's immoral
Or it makes you fat