Would you say something?

[hazelowens]

My ex husband remarried on the 11th to the woman he moved in with (as a flatmate) the night I told him to leave and go back to his girlfriend. He has always denied he had an affair and that they only started as a couple a few months after him and I split up.

At the wedding someone was doing a speech and said that their relationship started in 2013 but didn't become serious till late 2014 when he arrived on her door step with his bags. We had split up October 2014. Our boys were sitting hearing this speech and they looked at each other going mum and dad split up in 2014 not 2013.

No, I wouldn’t say anything. You’re free from him, and your children can make their own minds up about him.

Enjoy your freedom.

What do you hope to gain by saying anything? Do you just want an apology, or for people to turn against him?

What does a good outcome look like for you?

I would just like for him to actually admit that he had an affair. He has made me think I had over reacted the night I asked him to leave and that I made him run into her arms and if I hadn't told him.to leave that night we might have been able to fix things but now it turns out he was probably hoping I would argue with him that night so he had an excuse to leave and go to her.

I am glad I did make him go as I looked back and realised how miserable I was for at least 6 months before he went.

No idea what benefit any of this is to your children

I understand that, your feelings are perfectly reasonable. However, he is unlikely to, and you know the truth - as well as being well rid
of him.

He lacks integrity, but let that be his issue. You are free, and as much as his affair hurts, knowing you were spot on with your instincts and made positive moves to protect yourself is a better victory that proving a point against a proven liar.

With kindness op, what’s the point? Why do you need him to admit to an affair when it’s perfectly obvious to everyone involved that he had an affair?
Also, and I don’t mean this to be horrible, it was 12 years ago! He isn’t your concern anymore and hasn’t been for a very long time.

It’s annoying he’s never owned up even all this time later. But you all know the truth - you, him and now your kids. I wouldn’t expect anything from your ex at all. He showed you who he was over 10years ago, isn’t it pretty sad he clearly hasn’t grown or reflected in all that time.

Be glad he isn’t your problem anymore and accept that any closure on the situation is going to come from you not from him. You have the validation that you were completely right all those years ago. Don’t give him anymore of your headspace.

I agree with PP's - don't say anything. It won't achieve what you want it to.

However, your poor boys finding out that way. I do hope they're ok.

I wouldn't say anything. He has outed himself and your children can see what the truth is.

No, don't say anything apart from a chat with your sons about it

To who? He knows you know now. That's enough.

Focus on talking to your children

Nothing to gain by saying anything, everyone already knows now.
How are the boys after? I would make sure they can talk about it with you if they neeed to but also encourage them to talk to him

Speak to your kids but not your ex and he’s proved himself to be a liar. Be glad you’re not with him, well done for maintaining your dignity and resisting all urges to throw a few punches, ha ha!

The fact you’re focussed on this is a bit concerning op.

Surely your life has moved on to such an extent that he’s a distance memory

Poor boys. Agree with all saying move on. Surely not a news flash that your ex is a pig. Shrink him to absolutely nothing in your life.

I thought he had admitted it and said he did it because he thought you were having an affair?

either way op….. this is all many many years ago. Focus on your present and future .

He lied to you at the time in order to make his getting away from you easier. That’s what cheaters and liars do.

Calling him out on it now serves no purpose other than to rake it all up again which will cause hurt to you and may cause him and his wife to retaliate in animosity involving your children.

Liars don’t change. He will be lying to his wife at some point so just let them get on with it and step back from any drama they create and be serene and dignified in co parenting your children.

I wouldn't go out of my way to say anything.

Having said that, if the opportunity presented itself during the course of a conversation (do you still communicate with each other?) then I would be very tempted to say something - but in a laughing, off-hand way 'haha, yeah, I heard about the speeches at your wedding. Rumbled!' type thing. Not in a 'you lied to me, and now I have proof' kind of way.

Well he’s pretty much owned up in his speech and to his children, so they know now what a snake he is/ was. I am sure a few other guests there would have done the maths. I’d call it karma, leave it and get revenge by living your best life.

I would like to not say something, but I probably would.

What a stupid thing to say in a speech. He’s never going to admit to the affair, and what difference does it make. Move on and be glad he’s gone. What’s that saying, ‘when a man marries his mistress it creates a vacancy’ 😉

He’s a prick. The best revenge is a life well-lived.

I initially read this as being 2023/4 … but it’s 10 years ago OP!!

Let it go … I know the wedding was recent but it’s doesn’t matter now.

Agreed