Would you say something?

[hazelowens]

My ex husband remarried on the 11th to the woman he moved in with (as a flatmate) the night I told him to leave and go back to his girlfriend. He has always denied he had an affair and that they only started as a couple a few months after him and I split up.

At the wedding someone was doing a speech and said that their relationship started in 2013 but didn't become serious till late 2014 when he arrived on her door step with his bags. We had split up October 2014. Our boys were sitting hearing this speech and they looked at each other going mum and dad split up in 2014 not 2013.

It's been 10 years, I think you have to let it go and just be glad you're rid of him!

I would leave it, but be available to talk to your boys. If they want to know more, then their dad is the one to be doing the explaining, not you.

What a crass friend you ex has! Saying something like that in front of the boys, very stupid.

Ach no. Let it go.

It's a waste of your own energy.

You won't gain anything from it. He will just double down and it will look like you are still hung up on him. As hard as it is (and it is) just let it rest.

I would not say anything in earshot of your children, they already understand and acknowledge. You are stronger in your position. He has been outed in front of everyone. He must have inside been knarled. Nothing else needs to be said.

However you could pocket this, and up to you but your next opportunity away from the kids you could casually mention that the wedding speech was interesting and confirmed what you already knew. It may open up old wounds and possibly cause resentment from him (ask yourself is it worth it for the children). However a casual mention while you walk away with your head held high, I bloody would.

Must have been a smug moment for you, and even more delicious in front of his friends and family. However shame for your children.

His poor children.
He's cheating scum, and now you know for sure and they do too.
Don't ever defend him if it does come up, but I would just wait until it does.

Absolutely I would, take him to the cleaners financially, let everyone know what a liar he is, make his life hell!

It was 12 years ago. @hazelowens you need to disinvest and please tell me you weren't at the wedding.

Move on.

Don't say anything. It simply proved what you knew all along and that you were not imagining it
His relationship with his children is separate to yours and he has showed them that he is a cheat and a liar.

Be happy
Enjoy your relationship with your kids
Forget the little fucktard

I would probably speak to him about it- it would drive me mad that he’d made it seem like it was your fault you chucked him out so he didn’t have to break up with you for another women. Cowardly thing to do. He probably would deny deny deny even now, so you might not get much closure out of it and I know it’s petty, you wouldn’t achieve anything, but I would feel so much better just to see his face when he realises you know the truth and he has made an idiot out of you no more.

What’s your relationship like now? If things were friendly/civil then maybe it’s all water under the bridge (ie you were at his wedding?) then you may have to be prepared that if you bring it up then it would cause him to lash out/animosity towards you.

Don’t say anything to the cheating exH.

I’d happily report to mutual friends and family that it’s reassuring, after hearing so many years of lies and being made out to be the bad guy, that ex is now admitting he was a cheater and forced the situation, maligning you. Add how lucky you are to be away from that kind of behaviour.

Take charge and positively re-write the narrative around the breakup to anyone you can.

I wouldn't be able to help myself - I'd say something like "Interesting speech. Shame the kids had to find out you cheated that way."

He is never going to admit to it OP
Enjoy your freedom and embrace your self identity

Well, he clearly had an affair op, not that it’s worth saying anything after all this time. He owes his kids an explanation I think, and that’s for him to deal with.

He will reap what he sows with his children. He’s an idiot. They’ll see this eventually.

I’d happily report to mutual friends and family that it’s reassuring, after hearing so many years of lies and being made out to be the bad guy, that ex is now admitting he was a cheater and forced the situation, maligning you. Add how lucky you are to be away from that kind of behaviour.

This is a brilliant suggestion

It was 11 years ago. Time to move on.

What on earth would you say after ten years that would make one iota of difference? Genuinely? It's a bit concerning that you would even ask whether or not to say anything. Of course you were deeply hurt and it is the worst when people lie to you - believe me, I have been there. But it was over a decade ago. I assume you weren't at the wedding and that your sons told you about the speech... have they also not let go of the way in which everything ended?

She might have a job "taking him to the cleaners" unless she has a very special DeLorean.

Do you seriously think he would tell you the truth?

It sounds as though he wouldn’t know the truth if it slapped him in his face.

Tell your boys that the person giving the speech must have got the dates wrong (which they could have) and DH will say this anyway.

It doesn’t matter if he cheated on you or not.
You will always be the one that got away because you were strong enough to kick him out and I would hold on to that.

I think it’s amazing that you went to his wedding.
I’m not sure I would have done.

My parents divorced 25 years ago - I can't get a straight answer from either of them about what happened. It's a losing game. Your happiness is the best outcome.

What’s the point of saying anything now … this was all over 10 years ago, get over it and move on.

There's nothing to say. Everyone knows now. I doubt it was a huge surprise to anyone. You knew he was seeing her, hence telling him to go back to his gf. Now your kids know too.

It's time to move on. Your ex is not worth your energy or space in your brain.

You already knew he was an arsehole cheating on you, now your kids do to. Leave it at that.

No I wasn't at the wedding but my son filled me as soon as he came home. He told me the only reason he went to the wedding was to pet the fluffy cows. He got to pet the cows and he met family he didn't know he had.