Would you say something?

[hazelowens]

My ex husband remarried on the 11th to the woman he moved in with (as a flatmate) the night I told him to leave and go back to his girlfriend. He has always denied he had an affair and that they only started as a couple a few months after him and I split up.

At the wedding someone was doing a speech and said that their relationship started in 2013 but didn't become serious till late 2014 when he arrived on her door step with his bags. We had split up October 2014. Our boys were sitting hearing this speech and they looked at each other going mum and dad split up in 2014 not 2013.

I attended a funeral where two daughters (and everyone else) learnt about their fathers infidelity during an emotional eulogy from (by then) fiancé.
You dont need to hear him say it. You know it’s true, your children have figured it out. You’re free.

🧦

Your thoughts and feelings are completely valid. Unless you’ve been in this position you could never even start to understand how this kind of situation can eat away at you. You deserve to know the truth. He’s not going to give it to you unfortunately. Rarely do these spineless idiots actually admit it to themselves let alone the people they have hurt. I completely agree with you about him pushing you into a fight as an excuse to leave, again spineless. So give your self that truth, take it from this speech and continue to move forward loving yourself and your children. I’m so sorry your children had to sit there and hear this, I’m sure they will have their own feeling about this situation. Don’t ask him for anything. He’s clearly not worth it. Let him be someone else’s worry now. We all know that if that’s the basis of a relationship it’s going to be a rocky road, they deserve each other and you deserve peace. Take care of yourself and your children and enjoy whatever it is you enjoy this festive season.

Rubbish.

Utter nonsense.
His father abandoned 5 children to run off with another woman.
This kind of man is why marriage exists in the first place to try and get feckless men to stick around to raise the children they sired.
His mother doesn't need to "poison" her children's minds, their father did that all by himself.

And 12 years later his son his attending his father’s wedding just to feed back to his mother poison.

You think that is healthy?

He's a scumbag and I'm glad his kids know it.

If I am that much of a bitch then why have 3 of his 5 sons decided that their dad is an idiot, 2 of those sons aren't mine and haven't had a proper relationship with their father in over 15 yrs. His youngest son from his first marriage actually calls his stepfather Dad and when the oldest got married it was his stepdad at the top table and his dad sat with the normal guests.

My son didn't got to the wedding to report back to me, he only went as he wanted to see his 2 biggest brothers as he hasn't seen them in ages as they don't live in our area.

But going by your reply I bet you were or are the other woman in a situation and don't care about the kids to that get hurt because you and the man can't be mature enough to leave the previous relationship before starting a new relationship. The woman he has just married knew he was married with 3 children as she was a friend of mine then just stopped talking to me.

Neither

But this happened 12 years ago and you speak with the fury and bitterness of someone who found out last week.

I hope you have carved out a life for yourself since then. He behaved despicably, but for you to be this angry 12 years later indicates that you’re still very much in the eye of the storm

Im not getting any of what you say from OPs posts, I see her reflecting on the hurt he caused at the time, and noting that he remains an idiot to this day. Can you quote which part of OPs posts you are getting the 'fury and bitterness of someone who found out last week.' from? Have I missed a post thats been deleted or something?

He told me the only reason he went to the wedding was to pet the fluffy cows. He got to pet the cows and he met family he didn't know he had.

this is me indicates the OP’s anger

added to which posted multiple times on mumsnet on recent days about her ex and his affair. Although on another one it’s different because apparently he did tell everyone about the affair because he claims he did it as retaliation for the OP’s affair 😵‍💫

The op is considering “saying something”

12 years after the event

I mean… he’s still with the woman he left the op for, so I’m guessing he wouldn’t take a blind bit of notice of the op pointing out this discrepancy in any shape or form. He’s on his honeymoon presumably and not giving any thought to what happened over a decade ago I would guess 🤷‍♀️

I wanted to say something to my ex about what was said in the speech. My children knew their father left late 2014 but to hear from a stranger that it actually started in 2013 is a bit nasty in my opinion.

Oh. I mean, saying something could be 'you might want to be more careful about what is said around the boys, they have come back from your wedding and due to what was said in the speeches have figured out you were having an affair before we split' which isnt hugely furious and volatile.
Might make him squirm for 30 seconds. Might not. Might give OP half an hour of satisfaction after dealing with years of his shit while he rowed merrily off into the sunset. Doesnt mean she's still at the height of anger, it could be more a little 'hah, got u' that might bring her a bit of closure. People encourage others to take the high road, and I get it, but we are all different and quite often the 'high road' only serves to reduce the discomfort that the wrongdoing party feels, and makes the wronged party feel worse for things not being out in the open. Sometimes its not that you arent okay to start with now, its that doing something like this can give you a bit of peace/joy for your past self who had to sit back and take the bullshit while the other person rowed off into the sunset. Everyone's different!

This.

I asked him for ages if he had been seeing her before we separated and he always said no she was just a good friend that was helping him get back on his feet. When I saw a text message she sent to him he told me that she was obsessed with him and he was trying to let her down gently.

I knew he had been having an affair and for it to be said out in the open where possibly 50 people heard the speech he cannot say it's all in my head.

The kids all knew about the affair before the wedding

Might make him squirm for 30 seconds.

someone who has an affair, one went on to a marriage 12 years later…. Well, unlikely to squirm about anything!

Might make OP feel a bit better though!

Not if he chuckles and says “are you still hung up on that??!”

Thats definitely a risk OP would have to decide is its worth taking or not!

Or just move on and enjoy life

I think it would be very strange if someone who divorced 12 years ago and has just remarried really would do anything other than “you can’t seriously be still harping on about this ??” If his ex started bringing up date discrepancies

Its great that you clearly feel that for you, the best thing for you to do, would be to move on and enjoy life and that doing something like this would bring nothing to you, but we are all different and different people would gain different things from getting closure on certain parts of their lives, and different people are willing to take different levels of risk on that not working out, too! You can be living a happy life and also want to take the opportunity to have the last word! You can be happy never acknowledging someone's wronged you ever again. We are all different.

Deep

Let it go. You’re well shot of the lying prick.

It’s been ten years. Time to move on.