Would you say something?

[hazelowens]

My ex husband remarried on the 11th to the woman he moved in with (as a flatmate) the night I told him to leave and go back to his girlfriend. He has always denied he had an affair and that they only started as a couple a few months after him and I split up.

At the wedding someone was doing a speech and said that their relationship started in 2013 but didn't become serious till late 2014 when he arrived on her door step with his bags. We had split up October 2014. Our boys were sitting hearing this speech and they looked at each other going mum and dad split up in 2014 not 2013.

You’re never going to get the answers you want from him. Nothing positive will come from bringing this up with him.

You know what he’s done and that’s what matters. He’s re married now, let him get on with his life and you get on with yours and focus on being the best co parent you can be with him for your children’s sake.

Bringing this topic up will only cause tension and arguments and effect your children

It was twelve years ago. Move on.

How horrible for the speech giver/ your ex to do that to your children.

I can also understand your frustration OP.

If it helps, I've attended two weddings where the almost the exact same scenario has happened.
Both times I noticed the date discrepancies immediately and so did several other guests. Feelings were unanimous that it was selfish and thoughtless to include any of that stuff in speeches, and also completely unnecessary. There are so many different ways to do a wedding. If your beginning was also a hurtful ending for your children, then FFS maybe just don't bring it up!!

I have to say I now have a lower opinion of the groom in both instances. In one instance it really messed up relationships between the new wife and the groom's family.

Came to say the same thing.

He's clearly lied and you were right to ask him to leave. He probably would have done eventually. At least you and your kids know the truth even if he won't admit it himself. I get why you're annoyed with him. Me and my ex husband broke up 5yeara ago for a lot of reasons including trust issues. He was talking to other women and hopping on dating sites. He tried to say I was crazy and imagining things whenever I confronted him about it despite seeing a lot of evidence before we split. One day after we split like a long time after I came across an old phone of his tucked away in the back of a cupboard that I didn't really use. I plugged it in and pulled up his email that was saved on there. There were hundreds of emails dating as far back as before we even got married of him trying to meet women and even screenshots of transactions sending money to women for nudes and other stuff(sending £100s of pounds). I was annoyed especially as he made me out to be crazy and not thinking straight and then when I found the evidence I wanted him to own up and be truthful for once so asked him only for him to still insist he did nothing wrong. I was more annoyed that throughout most of the marriage he barely contributed a penny into our home and living expenses watching me struggle financially for ages all whilst he was spending it on women online to get access to their nudes and cameras. He still denies it now

Exactly this. I am sorry he was such a scum bag.

In the wise words of Queen Elsa "Let it go"

No point in saying anything OP.

All he's going to say to the DC is "Whoops, X made a mistake in the speech" 🤷‍♂️

Everyone will know OP. I have a friend who had an affair and she posts on Facebook about the day she met her wonderful man every year, it’s all bollox, we all know they started shagging a good 18 months before that and there was a cross over.

We can tolerate each other in small doses. The boys are all old enough to arrange seeing their dad. I wanted to keep things civil but his new wife put a stop to that. He wanted him not have a past. He never took his clothes from our house and she bought him a new wardrobe of clothes. He has 5 boys and I think it's only our oldest and youngest that go see him.

You need therapy, that’s the only thing that is going to give you closure. Nothing he is going to say is going to give you anything but more anger. You know the truth of the matter and it’s time to move on with your life free of it.

He's a class A B@st*rd.
Any man who leaves 5 children to run off with another woman is.
Yours sons know that too.

You're better off without him.

The person speaking at the wedding clearly had no idea that your ex was having an affair, otherwise they wouldn't have mentioned the dates at the wedding. Your ex spun everyone his own narrative, and no one had any reason to disbelieve him. You have been split since October 2014, which is now 11 years ago. Yes, he obviously was having an affair with this woman - you now know this as do your children. I see absolutely no point tin confronting him over it all, this far down the line. You're not achieving anything. He must realise his son's heard the speech and therefore would have told you. Be grateful that you are no longer married to him. Remember - when a man marries his mistress, it creates a vacancy!

Oh he probably does have someone waiting in the wings just incase this one chucks him out. He was/is a bouncer so he has his pick of drunk girls he can use

Don’t say anything, ther’s absolutely no point. He’s clearly a liar and has no remorse so saying anything won’t help. I would say to your boys that you’re sorry they had to hear that but that hopefully it helps them to understand why you aren’t married anymore and that it hurt you as much as it hurt them. No need to slag him off but don’t sugarcoat it.

Ignore people saying it was 12 years ago. That doesn’t change the fact you’ve been gaslit into thinking it was your fault and you’ve had to put up with that. I can see the point of not letting him see your bothered but after 12 years I’m sure you’re more angry than upset and I’d want him to know that. At least now your kids have heard it from the horses mouth.

This is messy but this is what some people do. You have suffered, pain and confusion. Best thing is to accept that YOU are still going through a period of time where your Brain is STILL processing it. It eoukd be a mistake to brush your disgusted feelings aside, at this point, and try to carry on like everything is GREAT. Acknowledge your ANGER and HUMILIATION. Process it over the next few months. Relish the fact that HE caused the confusion and is probably feeling more confused as HE has got to NOW put on a Happy Front. When it near on IMPOSSIBLE to do after a major break up. Plus HE s probably wondering what the he l YOURE UP TO now, who you're chatting to abd it's going to drive him bonkers. We always think that the other person get s off Scott free when he was probably brain washed into REMARRYING!!¡!!. Give yourself more time to process The madness, wallow in it until you get bored with it ( him).

No there's no point in saying anything. He outed himself in front of all the guests (his family and friends) which included his children who now know that their dad was having an affair before he divorced their mom.
Twisting your ex's arm to get him to admit it will accomplish nothing at this point. You know he's a liar, he knows he's a liar, his family friends and children know he's a liar, go on with your life.

The people who matter know. You and your sons. Let it lie now. Your children can make their own minds up. Hold your head high and sashay away.

why are you still looking for things from your ex? Focus on your boys.

Just suck it up! The kids will realise who he really is and make up their own minds for the relationship with him. Just make sure you protect them from the new wife. I had been in your kids shoes and it sucks!!! My mum and dad divorced with I was a kid because he cheated on her. My mum was always so protective of us but also made sure we have a relationship with him cause he is our father no matter what happened between them. And he was always kind to us and treated us nicely and financially supported us. But little did I know what an asshole he was to my mum. I lost my mum in 2011 and 6 years later I was in my dad’s house visiting and his wife sat me down now that “I am older” to clear the air out and start a new fresh relationship. The bloody bitch told me that she casually started dating my dad when my mum was pregnant with my sister ( she is 7 years older than me!!!!!!!) and kept going on how my mum was overacting when the divorce happened. It just made me sick. For the memory of my mum and own self respect, I never talked to him or her ever again. It’s just disgusting and bringing up to the kid it’s bloody pointless. And the people in your partner’s wedding that made the speech they should have thought that his kids will be there. So disrespectful! Hold on and just try to make sure you protect your boys!!

I find this post really sad.

Your poor son. Utterly poisoned by you to the extent he attends his father’s wedding just to report back and bitch to his
mother

I wouldn’t say anything. Everyone knows he cheated but I find in these situations (where the guilty parties are still together more than I decade on) people tend to be more accepting of what happened. All it will do is make you look bitter and give the impression that your life hasn’t moved on in all these years.

I wouldn’t say anything as it would come across that you haven’t got over him. I think it is very disrespectful for the person who said this to do so with your children sat in the room, I’m guessing they are at least teens? If they are annoyed/upset about this revelation then they should tell their dad so

What a weird take, I guess you identify with the trollop bride's side?