Unexpected guest on Christmas Day

[Purtyburty]

Hi all I would like some feedback on this situation my DH has given me this morning. This is our first time having Christmas in our own home as we usually go off visiting different sides of the family as nobody lives in the same area. My parents are 5 hours away and DH’s parents are 2 hours away. This year we are hosting DH’s side as we have two young children under 5 and it just gets too much travelling and taking presents etc. We have asked DH’s DB to come as well because he has just come out of a 6 year relationship in the past year. DH’s parents are divorced so just MIL coming as well from 23rd-27th. DBIL has not given a definite answer where he is going but this morning my DH said DBIL said he might come and bring somebody he is seeing with him. DH has not shut it down and he said he said ‘oh really?’ and that was that. AIBU to not want this to be the case? We’ve never met her - I had to ask my husband her name even 😬 when I said I didn’t like that idea DH said im just making things difficult for him now? Thoughts?

No ring, no bring.

OP on the up side, your DBIL has met someone he likes enough to meet his family — what if he brings her, and she’s wonderful?

Perhaps she'll turn up, binoculars slung round her neck doing her best Jane Goodall impression (rest her soul) as she observes the family going about their christmas rituals

What if he brings her and shes a loud mouthed alcoholic😕

It’s Alan Partridge. “Lynn, they’re sex people!”

Shagfest 😆

Personally it wouldn't bother me the girlfriend coming. However, if I were the girlfriend, I'm not sure I'd want to meet my boyfriend's family all in one hit. I'd find it a bit much, but I suppose it depends on her personality. I'd feel like I was intruding on a family Christmas, with people I didn't know and had never met.

I’d be fine with it but I think it’s ok to say you’re not.

I’m in the more the merrier camp. But I was that random woman 25 years ago. Had only know DH for a few weeks but as was estranged from my family so was going to spend it alone. DH was aghast at the idea and dragged me home from Uni to have christmas with his family who were probably bit annoyed but never let on and welcomed me with open arms.

Then don’t be a dick about it @Purtyburty ! Invite them both, it’s hardly any additional effort and it might be better than you think

I can’t get why people get SUCH a stick up their arse about one extra person on Christmas Day when it’s not like you’re fine dining catering or anything, it’s JUST a roast with a very small number of people

be gracious ffs, it’s your H family.

I assume as they are staying they are too far away to pop over before Christmas so you can meet.

If they are new relationship I would have thought they would have wanted to celebrate just the two of them, not surrounded by adults/children she doesn't know

Then it gets dealt with by asking them to cut short their visit. There’s no love lost with people you don’t know.

it’s not rocket science,

Whatever about not minding having an extra person, what stands out to me is this is your 1st Christmas in your own home, your DD is 5 perfect age for the whole Christmas excitement, however you say she's shy so I'd be a bit uncertain having a stranger sitting there Christmas morning watching her opening Santa presents.

If she doesn't normally celebrate Christmas why is this ? Religion, not bothered? Will she be comfortable celebrating in your home?

If she's a new gf will she be comfortable staying that long and being part of your Christmas and your daily activities .

Just editing to say, can you all maybe meet up for a drink before Christmas to break the ice.

Definite no! If DH is so keen for her to come, hand him the pinny and tell him Christmas is now his gig. You are not the housekeeper OP, you don’t have to take instructions on who will be visiting.

Give DH a sharp slap from me.

Your daughter's fuck buddy came for Christmas!? Why exactly?

Not too bad if they were just coming for lunch, but someone I didn't know staying a few nights over Christmas wouldn't thrill me either OP. Anyway, you need a definite answer so you can prepare accordingly. You aren't the live-in maid! Personally if I was the new gf I absolutely would not want to be in a strange house with young kids. I'd be tempted to "advise" BIL to take her out for Christmas lunch and book a festive package in a hotel.

Given that the invitation was specifically for him, I think it's rude for BIL to say he "might bring someone" rather than asking if it's OK to bring along a specific person for x period of time. And while I don't really fault your husband for his non-reaction if he was taken by surprise, it's unreasonable for him to think that now that it's been sort-of-raised, BIL can do what he wants and you have no input.

As things stand, I would have husband go back to BIL now and ask exactly what the plan is, and say that he needs to know by x date how many people are coming and for how long, so that shopping, prep, etc. can take that into consideration. Certain visitors like to tell themselves (and, infuriatingly, you) that of course you should go to absolutely no trouble for little old them, they're family not guests!, you'll barely know they're there, they'll be happy to eat scraps out of the dog's dish and sleep on the floor, etc. That's bullshit, of course - even if they WOULD be happy, they're not the only ones impacted.

The more the merrier in my opinion. We're happy to host random neighbours or add-ons whatever the day is. I know not everyone is the same, but I always like strangers to feel welcome in our house.

We always cook more for unexpected guests, my whole family does, someone always turns up, that's Christmas 🤷‍♀️

No room at the inn? 🤔

I love extras at Christmas. It’s so nice sharing the happy family time with others. I’m actually quite introvert normally but there’s something about Christmas that makes me happy sharing it all. Also my kids are abroad at the moment and I really appreciate the hospitality they’ve been shown by everyone.

I havent' embellished anything

DBIL has not given a definite answer where he is going
means it's not the brother who has decided to turn up with a partner and is imposing his visit. he had a discussion with the OP's husband.

What else do you think that means?

So OP is 'only the wife'
She's a partner just as much as the brother's partner is one. It's "family" in the widest term - or do people must celebrate a specific anniversary or a specific amount of time they had sex to be considered a valid partner? No one is invited until it's 6 months since they first had sex together? Please tell us what qualifies as an acceptable to bring a partner? 😂

And yes, the point about space still stands
I don't believe that people can be that uptight and precious in real life.

A lot of clenching happening on this thread 😱🤣

If you invited him just because he was on his own and he is bringing someone else, I wouldn't mind for a day and I wouldn't invite him next year, because he won't be on his own of if he is I won't like another "auntie" munching my snacks.
I would give it a pass just this time. Not worth the hassle. But generally speaking I don't want to meet my BIL dates. That is none of my business.

I would LOVE to know how much mucking in BIL does...

It always surprises me how inhospitable people on here can be, this wouldn’t bother me at all and I’d be very happy to welcome his partner into my home.