Is our postman a cheeky fucker?

[Sam9769]

I have just lost 3 stone in weight and decided to buy a new second hand wardrobe through Ebay. I will admit that I have been purchasing a lot of clothes etc.
Our postman keeps commenting to my husband about the parcels arriving on a daily basis. On one occasion he said to my husband "She must have bought the whole shop by now! The other day he said "There were no parcels for a few days, so I thought that things were under control!"
This is not even a postman we have known for many years, he's only been our postman for about 18 months.

I feel annoyed that he thinks that he has any right to comment on my parcels.
He's job is to deliver the mail and keep his opinions to himself.
Is he a cheeky fucker or AIBU?

I get loads of parcels and it's often the same guy since he seems to work for every company, ive made occasional self depreciating remarks and he's never once passed comment. Its his job, if he had a cafe and I was going in for coffee 3 times a day he'd love me!

It is really unprofessional of your postie and if you complained I'm sure he'd get into trouble. I wouldn't go that far but
I would expect DH to have shut him up by now.

Whilst I would be inclined to agree with your sentiment, if it’s the husband answering the door then that’s who the postman will talk to - the person in front of them. If the comments were about op spending his money then absolutely it would be misogynistic but it seems he’s just commenting on the amount of parcels, neither are there any “women and their shopping” type comments.

Well obviously you need to make a formal complaint to his employer so you can potentially get him sacked for misconduct on top of Christmas, after all it’s terrible that someone who delivers parcels for living should notice a sudden change of pattern and then harmlessly comment on it.

Honestly just lighten up. It’s hardly a big deal in the greater scheme of things.

Gosh I bet you’re fun at parties 🫠

I wouldn’t like this at all. ‘Under control’? It smacks of misogyny and if you can’t see that, and think it’s all just a bit of banter, then you need to start looking a bit closer and engaging your critical thinking skills. He might not give a shit what’s in your parcels, but he’s willing to pass comment on the little woman’s spending habits with the man of the house? Nah, fuck that.

We have a local, regular Evri courier and she’s fantastic. She’s friendly, she’s chatty, she likes having a laugh with her customers and, weirdly enough, she’s managed to be all of those things without ever once commenting on what I’ve spent, what my DH has spent or how many parcels either of us have delivered.

I think you've lost your sense of humour with your weight loss 😁 it's a joke just incase you need it explaining to you.

Bless him 😭 poor postie under the cosh to get Xmas out and his customer getting offended! He’s only making small talk. Stick a tenner in a Xmas card as his tip in repentance

Why not get them delivered by Evri instead, who will probably just dump them on someone else’s doorstep - if my experience is anything to go by, that is…

Blimey, if every delivery driver / postman / postwoman I have heard making the same joke was reprimanded for this, there wouldn't be anyone to deliver anything at all.

Lighten up OP.

I agree with OP, its rude because it has very misogynistic undertones. Oh lets joke with the poor man about his wife being a shop-a-holic.

Disgusting attitude really and not something I would put up with coming knocking on my door and then mocking me to my DH. Then my DH isn't a sexist and wouldn't join in with that type of offensive stereotype either so would be equally as confused by it.

Surely theres no way to even know what they are buying or who its for, its Xmas who isn't getting a lot of deliveries this time of year. Even if its in her name lets face it organizing all the little things that need ordering often fall to women too or they just wouldn't get done ('wife work' as mn lables it, another sexist trait of society).

A comment of 'oh, no parcels in a while I was starting to worry, have you been on holiday?' or something that references a change to frequency of deliveries to the house as a harmless joke and making polite conversation is one thing but saying to the husband 'SHE must have bought the whole shop' and 'I thought it was UNDER CONTROL' (as if you are doing something wrong)
is just sexist, ignorant and out of line.

It does sound a bit inappropriate, overstepping and sexist. People having a lot of parcels at Christmas, wow. Imagine if you bought stuff from Love Honey or Ann Summers, it would blow his tiny mind.

My dad was born in 1937 and was a postman and he would never have made personal comments about customer parcels. He was a shy man but had a good rapport with customers and had a lot of tips and bottles of wine at Christmas (which DM and I drank as he only liked sweet wine 😅)

So we now have to add postmen to the list of people who dare not even open their mouths whilst doing their jobs just because people love to embrace being outraged by... nothing?

I'm with you OP. I have a postman who always makes comments about what he thinks is in a parcel. Or about my appearance (have you been swimming or just got up?). Or about the fact I'm having my lunch (sitting around like Lady Muck).
I don't care if he's trying to be nice, I find it really fucking annoying.

And take tomorrow off work to have an STI test.

Not at all. Why are you trivialising this ?

Are you implying women shouldn't challenge men when they ridicule and patronise them?

OP has every right to say this is not acceptable to her.

"Oh, you order a lot of stuff dont you?"

"How dare you? you'd best check your Misoginy mr postman!!!"

Lol, what? how is a comment about the amount of post arriving at a house misogynistic, is this sarcasm that's not coming over well through text?

Do you even know what that word means or are you using it because it's a feminist buzzword?

Hello, I've been a postie.

I cannot tell you the number of times when delivering a parcel, a man has answered with some variation of "what has she fucking bought now" with a guffaw. We laugh along. It's not funny but we're busy and don't have time to do much else.

It's standard banter that a lot of people have with their postie, along with the absolutely hilarious "if they're bills you can keep them" or "where are your shorts/you're wearing shorts in this weather?!"

If he's a fairly new postie he's probably had that banter 100 times with 100 people so he's just carrying it through, trying to get to know the people on his round. I can assure you he doesn't actually care and you're not the only person on his round or even on your street he delivers lots of parcels to.

Sexist joke with the husband, not funny, he will be telling you to smile next.

It wouldn't bother me, I'm always amazed our postie restrains himself from commenting on the number of parcels I get (and at least he rings the bell and hands them to me, unlike bloody Evri)

In the old days people were cheeky chappies. Now you cant open your mouth without people taking offence. I think he' s just trying to have a laugh.

I can see the funny side but it was the comment about thinking that things were now under control that got to me!

WTAF

You are being so uptight! How can this bother you?

It must be quite a lonely sort of job, you're doing a large part of the process on your own. I don't blame posties for having a bit of a chat and laugh with the recipients, why wouldn't you? It's harmless really, nice for those that do like to engage with people (and not intended to intrude on the whole) and are sociable and friendly.

It would be a miserable world really if people stopped having random chats with others they see while out and about.

Having said that, I wouldn't be impressed with a courier/postie suggesting I needed permission from someone else to buy stuff. That would rankle, so fortunate that they don't!

Thank you.

Quite..it is being up yourself, isn't it. Too many self-important people on MN with nothing better to do than get ' outraged' about absolutely nothing.