DD (21) plans to get married and move abroad

[Thatonesong]

My DD is 21, she's a lovely, sociable, smart girl. She studied sports science and is now doing her MSc in Sports and Exercise Medicine. She entered into a new relationship in January, the man is 28 which to me feels like a notable age gap at 20/21, but I appreciate others may feel differently. He is from the Middle East and has made it clear he plans to move home. He proposed to DD at the start of the month, which felt quite fast since they'd been together for maybe 10/11 months at the time, but we congratulated her, she seems happy and airing our opinion is only likely to cause upset.
Tonight DD came over for dinner, without her partner. She told us she is planning to get married in the summer and then move to his home country with him in the autumn after she graduates. I asked if she has a plan for once she is there career wise and she said maybe some sports coaching but he can afford to support them both. This felt like a red flag to me as I don't want her to be fully reliant on anyone else to just survive. She was also honest and said having children is high on her priority list and she "doesn't want to wait until she's older and too tired to be an active mum". I felt a bit gobsmacked tbh, but just said she should spend some time thinking about if this all what she really wants or if she is doing it because it is what he wants/feels pressured.
Since she left I haven't been able to stop crying, my partner thinks we need to have a harsher word with her, note the risks more plainly, such as difficult getting a divorce, likely not possible to have children there, break up and move back here with them (due to The Hague Convention) etc.
I know she is an adult and entitled to make her own choices, but 21 still feels very young!
AIBU to be so concerned? What do I do?

I wonder if the change of sport she's involved with is to do with her future husband. I can't imagine he'd want his girlfriend and future wife participating in extreme style sports, it's likely he'd view these as unfeminine. However, tennis and yoga is probably considered more appropriate, for a female. I suspect your daughter possibly has 'Daddy' issues too. She's seeking someone who will provide, protect, where she'll feel 'looked after' and loved. She may very well get that from her boyfriend but the rate the relationship is going, it seems he want her married and living in his country asap - that in itself is a red flag.

It also seems they have no rights over their kids.... I'd be doing everything to persuade her to stay in UK... Is there a reason he can't stay here?

www.ecdhr.org/gender-discrimination-in-qatars-nationality-laws/#:~:text=Women%27s%20lack%20of%20right%20to,gender%20equality%20in%20these%20areas.

There are so many red flags here. I would be doing everything I could to prevent this OP.

Another thought, is it possible your daughter's boyfriend's family are putting pressure on him to be married and a child at least on the way by the time he's 30? Could he have been told you have until you're 30, and if you're not married and have a child, we will choose a bride for you? I don't know if arranged marriages are common in Qatar or not. Or he's due to receive a Trust at 30, but he must be married and have produced a child to receive it? Generally families in this region are wealthy, and his parents would have a huge amount of influence over him.

I smell coercion, if she goes you will likely never see her again, and you definitely won't see any grandkids.

This.

And from the OP’s description of her DD’s personality she sounds quite susceptible to being drawn into a legalistic religion and culture with a lot of rules and restrictions. DD isn’t being “spoiled”, she’s being groomed! I can absolutely appreciate why OP is extremely concerned.

Sporty - dad’s approval? Reinforces the pushing self?

Older partners….seeking stability from traditional marriage?

I’d question what is driving her life choices.

Any reason they want to move to Qatar rather than stay here?

If he can work here, which he already does, what’s the driving force behind the move?

I’d be extremely worried that my DD, who has lots of friends and social life would be trading that for a life that completely revolves around a husband, children and his family. It’s a monumental shift to everything.

A friends DD had a Muslim boyfriend, who said he didn’t mind that she had no religious affiliation herself. However, as the relationship progressed, he became more critical of the way she behaved and dressed. He was also too ashamed to tell his parents that he had a British girlfriend (they lived in uk themselves, but were “strict”). This ultimately led to the demise of the relationship, but she realised that he had actually become more and more controlling. They both had professional jobs, highly educated but his family still came first. Luckily the DD got out and the heartbreak didn’t last too long. She is much happier living a life that doesn’t have all the rules and expectations that were slowly eroding her true self.

i think quite clearly male role model issues at the root of everything you have outlined, sorry for the cliché (and i know nothing more that what you have described), but the attractions to extremes, 'perfectionism' and the types of relationships outined suggest indeed deep seated issues. Even if not 'on the spectrum' per PP reference, manifesting 'success' be it in sports, career, 'motherhood' are all red flags... All 3 might be perfectly nice men, there are likely issues inside. I'd be distraught but not much you can do, in reality, but you don't have to pretend you approve... just be there.

Yes they are seen as legal minors themselves and have family law discrimination as said in my post

Or he’s westernized, from a westernized family, and wants to move to Qatar for precisely the same reasons thousands of higher earner are moving to the Middle East.

Earners*

It’s not like remaining in the UK is a comparatively attractive proposition, financially. It’s also not like it’s a particularly unusual move.

www.the-independent.com/life-style/gen-z-emigration-young-people-move-abroad-b2877134.html

I appreciate you're worried, and sympathise - but shes a grown woman, and it's her choice to make. The more you try to put her off, the more you might push her away. I'd just let her know you'll support her no matter what (so she knows she has support if. It doesn't go to plan), and that you'll miss her dearly.

It's her choice to make but by making this choice, she will remove other choices from her future

Who from the west would want to live in an air conditioned tower in the middle of a culture less desert just to contribute less to their own society? What do you do with all those extra zeroes and ones when you live literally, on a day to day basis, in a desert?

Tbf it's not cultureless, and with money you live in a massive villa full of servants. Might not be your idea of a good time, but it is for some people.

I’m mean, I’d love servants, if they were in Monaco, or Switzerland or… almost anywhere else. But living in a villa in a desert with servants. Why?

There's more going on than you'd think (admittedly not as much as Dubai) and there are parks and green spaces, the Souk, the corniche - and yes a lot of malls, but they're nicer and with more to do in them than the shopping centres you get here.

Lots of outdoor activities in the winter months.

Driving standards aside, it feels super safe - especially at the weekends, there are family groups out till late in the public spaces, chilling out and picnicking. No air of menace, no visible lairiness. So it's quite family friendly in that regard.

It's got a really good metro system now.

Plus you're really well-placed for global travel there.

I still don't think what OPs daughter is proposing to do is necessarily a good move, but it's no hellhole.

No hellhole indeed, damning with faint praise? Doesn’t exactly sound like the Côte d’Azur 😹. Cultural wasteland aside though, the OP has bigger fish to fry re her DD, be they friend here, Qatar or wherever… my sympathies OP

Ha ha it is a bit, isn't it? There's a reason the wealthy locals all make a beeline for Europe in summer!

Quite a lot of the higher earners, as it turns out. Notably the British, as the UK is the country leading the world when it comes to emigration of the wealthy.

https://www.businessinsider.com/millionaire-migration-booms-top-countries-attracting-wealth-in-2025-2025-8

Apparently, it doesn’t need to specifically appeal to you in order to be appealing to a significant amount of people

Aside from Saudis returning to Saudi Arabia, everywhere else people are going to seems to be in the western world, though? (Of course a bunch going to UAE but then I imagine if you are coming from South Asia or Africa there might be more of a cultural affinity?

https://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/data-holborn-assets-shows-uk-040000942.html

https://www.the-independent.com/life-style/dubai-british-expats-uk-move-uae-lifestyle-b2815094.html

The UAE is attracting the majority of wealthy emigrants from across the world. Of course not all the ones leaving the U.K., but still a significant number. There are approximately 240,000 British expats living in the Emirates. In 2020 there were an estimated 120,000.

Where will their marriage take place, OP?